AIBU - that sadly, MN is losing its way?

[IntoChanges]

I’ve been on here for a long time and it just feels like it’s not the same place anymore.☹️
It used to be full of useful advice, proper support, funny threads that would keep you reading for hours; the odd bunfight over parking or a real time thread to liven things up, building curiosity and tension. How invested were we!

Now it seems to be:

• endless politics (so much mis-information, which even when challenged isn't backed up with evidence)
• OPs who never come back after their first ‘interesting’ post (so what’s the point?)
• weirdly written stuff that doesn’t sound like a real person/situation at all
• and a lot of repeat topics/commonly applied situations that feel very ‘clickbait’
• no flow - posters jumping in when they haven't read the thread, saying the same thing again and again; endless arguing when posters take exception to something not directed at them; posters unable to accept a bigger picture of a majority rather than their one single view
• derailed threads (immigration, politics)

I miss the days when you could ask a silly question about your laundry habits, or what to cook for fussy toddlers, and get 100 replies that were funny, blunt, supportive or all three. That felt like the whole point of MN, quite light-hearted but sound advice by real people.

I know the site says it’s “for grown-ups” and they don’t want to over-moderate, which I do get.
But honestly — am I the only one who feels like MN is losing its way a bit? Or is this just where all SM/forums are heading?

There are far more pile ons now - I mean I know AIBU can be harsh, but it’s feels worse somehow now than 10y ago.

Yes it’s full of bots and bullshit, but I can’t say that we’re crying out for more threads about laundry. There’s already a batshit amount of washing chat, what else is there to say after a quarter of a century?

Maybe we should start a regular post for ‘good news only’ - where people can share uplifting stories or positive news🙏

I have noticed a change in tone - someone will ask for advice and suddenly there a massive pile on for no good reason, not sure if it’s a DM invasion but it’s awful. Name calling, bitchy comments - the support is almost non existent.

I love a good laundry thread when I'm stressed and awake at 2am, despite being the type who just opens the washer door and flings it in. But it's not for Aibu, there is a section for those type of threads.

MN has been my community, my salvation, my first choice for crowd-sourced wisdom, my pick-me-up, my fashion advice and my secret mid-working-day source of amusement for many many years.

Sadly, it has definitely changed, and not for the better. All your points are well made, OP.

Friday nights used to be absolutely hilarious. Now there’s…..tumbleweed….it’s almost impossible to find a good, quirky thread, and it feels like most users are way less invested in making this a fab community.

I think the increased commercialisation of the site has had a huge impact - it feels less of a community effort these days. Of course MN Towers are entirely within their rights to make some money from this venture, but the volume of ad-led content and threads, the shift to forcing cookies or a paid subscription, the lack of genuinely independent product reviews…..even the reduction in product tests, all of these things make a huge difference.

My dcs are now 15-20 years old, so I guess I’ve had a good run, and I don’t want to sound ungrateful. But it feels like the years in which we would hop on the tube heading off to a meet up with a roomful of total strangers wearing MN username stickers are very much in the distant past.

I agree to a certain extent OP, I feel like I come across the really amusing threads / witty pithy comments less frequently. I’ve slightly lost track of how long I’ve been on here and whether I’ve noticed an uptick in the really unnecessarily mean responses - definitely do see a fair number of those where it feels like some people are deliberately misunderstanding the OP for the sake of picking an argument. But do still see a good number of the really helpful supportive and empathetic threads - I posted this year about a very very difficult situation and had so much support and helpful advice, and so many handholds, at a time when I really did need it, so I like to think it’s still very much there in that sense.

I think it’s due to the massive decline in people being decent to others. Covid maximised it. It’s so easy for people to criticise or denigrate posters even when they’re asking for help. It’s a poor reflection on every person who does it. They enjoy poking holes and ridiculing. I can’t see that changing, it’ll only get worse.

Well actually the hugely substandard grammar is one of the things that puts me off MN, together with people who don't read the OP, the overzealous reporting, the censorious and inconsistent moderators, the deadly dull threads (how many "How often do you wash your towels?" threads do we need??), the unnecessary personal attacks, the annoying phrases (cue - or more usually "que" - such-and-such; think so-and-so; fast forward, etc. - or more usually "ect"), the misinformation and the people who talk utter shit but are convinced they are correct (see the astonishing thread about the civil service entrance test).

All that said, I still spend far too long on MN. There are helpful and kind posters and there are witty comments and I have learned some valuable and interesting stuff on here. You just seem to have to wade through an increasing amount of dross to get to it.

After her update there was one final dig over her starting the thread in the first place.

I agree with this sadly x

I think it is good to eat the meat and spit out the bones when engaging with others.

any attempt at humor is politically incorrect.
still some excellent threads in education.

The feminists have taken over the asylum

I think it’s just become more popular and its demographic has changed slightly as a consequence. I still find it to be a very useful resource, but not one I use daily.

MN has been aware of this type of targeting for quite some time (I’m recalling a message - I’m not sure if it was an email or in a thread - 10-ish years ago. To be fair, it can be difficult to stop these kinds of bots. I personally think the amount of bots posting on MN has increased exponentially in the last 10 years, and particularly the last year.

I’ve been on here about 15 years. When it was smaller it did seem a warmer, wittier, more thoughtful and welcoming place. The rest of the world did, as well, to be fair!

What really strikes me - and the reason why I really do need to try to take a break from this site to ‘protect my peace’ as the kids say - is the rapidly growing number of posters with severe mental health problems.

I work in mental health. For me MN has gone from being a bit of light relief from life’s horrors, and a place to make contact with down-to-earth people having a good-natured chat, to a real busman’s holiday.

Because I spend quite a bit of my downtime pissing about on MN, the fact I’m now soaking up an increasing number of threads from people who are full of self-loathing or paranoia or grandiose rage has begun to colour my worldview.

I no longer feel confident that the majority of people are broadly functional and capable of thinking clearly.

I’ve noticed I have become much more wary of new people I meet, as I just don’t have the bandwidth to be doused in anyone else’s debilitating anxiety or delusional psychosis, after a gruelling day at work and then an hour or so scrolling through threads by people in varying states of emotional distress, making varying amounts of sense.

It could be a combination of burnout and confirmation bias; it could be that I read threads most people would avoid because I haven’t switched off my work brain. Who knows.

But I need to take a break and watch some romantic comedies or cat videos or something for a while before I get too down on the human condition.

the deadly dull threads (how many "How often do you wash your towels?" threads do we need??),

I like reading the mundane, there's way too much stress and trauma in my day to day life at the moment, I wish I could go back to a time when things were simpler. And whilst I've never worried about my laundry, there were other trivial things that I thought were important at the time.

This is also why I hate the nastiness on MN, does anyone really need that in their lives? I can't understand why someone feels good about tearing others down. It just seems so difficult to avoid, I joined one of the MN off shoots which promised to be a kinder place, but it just descended into a bitchfest about the founders of MN.

There is a happy medium, being a kinder place doesn't mean endless threads about keeping your laundry white, why can't we be grown up and discuss things kindly even if we have opposing views. So many people on MN seems to have limited experiences and can't seem to accept that others have different lifestyles, there can be such a South England, city living bias.

MN can be a good place, I've seen lots of threads supporting abused women, but even those lately are attracting some nasty individuals.

I agree. I like MN in 2025 and I like what it's become

I also agree that it's changed, it can be utterly brutal and very very unkind and also dull (some RW posters are a yawn fest)

However I've blocked certain sections. I hide threads which I don't want to see and the obvious bot/spam threads.

I absolutely love the gently "unexciting" threads and sections (such as cooking and household questions and info). These make me happy

I enjoy the Christmas food delivery threads to find out Christmas substitutions. There's always something really funny In those .....I don't order Christmas food online so it's quite exciting to find out what happens!

Yes, I need to get out more 😁🙄

It’s the gradual dehumanisation of us all, the constant AI, disruptive adverts,
trolls, MNs questionable decisions 🙄 having to decipher what’s genuine and what’s not then how exactly to phrase things to not cause a pile on. It’s exhausting. And just while writing this post I’ve had about 60 million flashing jumping ads to contend with.

We live in angry isolated times. I don’t think that the way we live our lives is in any way helpful to our mental health and MN kind of highlights that.

I know someone who uses chatgpt as a counsellor rather than talking about the issue- she just wants validation all the time.

I miss the 80s. I really do.

I agree that thread was exactly in the spirit of what’s gone wrong with this site.

I miss the 80s. I really do.

Being a teenager was hell, so no. But the late 90s weren't too shabby for me.

I stay away from anything controversial now. There's no middle ground or polite debate. Why do we have to be far left or far right. Lots of name calling and point scoring.

Mumsnet has been bitchy for a long time, lets call a spade a spade. AIBU has been funny, sometimes kind but always direct for a long time. It’s never been a “kind” place which is one of its strengths.

The politics has definitely acquired a harder edge post COVID but sadly that reflects the reality of where we are as a society.

The thing that really winds me up is the stupid username by numbers thing where theres a colour and an animal such as “MyAmberGiraffe”. Urgh. Why can’t people think of their own username? And why are most of these posters tradwives?

Agree, OP - I’ve been on here about 15 years and it used to be more easy-going, funnier, and largely full of clever, sharp, slightly left-leaning women who were well-informed and witty and for the most part mutually supportive. Right now, the vibe is angry, derisive, argumentative but not in a good way, and much more shifted to an everyone-for-herself right-wing politics. Loads of angry stuff about politics - immigrants, the economy, Brexit, etc., plus misinformation about all sorts of things, refusal to acknowledge when caught out peddling information that is flat out wrong, etc. That sort of thing started around 2015-6 but now seems to have taken over the entire site. It’s depressing.