AIBU - that sadly, MN is losing its way?

[IntoChanges]

I’ve been on here for a long time and it just feels like it’s not the same place anymore.☹️
It used to be full of useful advice, proper support, funny threads that would keep you reading for hours; the odd bunfight over parking or a real time thread to liven things up, building curiosity and tension. How invested were we!

Now it seems to be:

• endless politics (so much mis-information, which even when challenged isn't backed up with evidence)
• OPs who never come back after their first ‘interesting’ post (so what’s the point?)
• weirdly written stuff that doesn’t sound like a real person/situation at all
• and a lot of repeat topics/commonly applied situations that feel very ‘clickbait’
• no flow - posters jumping in when they haven't read the thread, saying the same thing again and again; endless arguing when posters take exception to something not directed at them; posters unable to accept a bigger picture of a majority rather than their one single view
• derailed threads (immigration, politics)

I miss the days when you could ask a silly question about your laundry habits, or what to cook for fussy toddlers, and get 100 replies that were funny, blunt, supportive or all three. That felt like the whole point of MN, quite light-hearted but sound advice by real people.

I know the site says it’s “for grown-ups” and they don’t want to over-moderate, which I do get.
But honestly — am I the only one who feels like MN is losing its way a bit? Or is this just where all SM/forums are heading?

Wouldn't that be great. A bunch of strong women bringing order to the madness.

I feel this too- the dehumanisation. Even just the fact that the list of talk topics is interrupted by ads masquerading as threads. Why can’t we just talk without being seen as commercial units or numbers on a marketing spreadsheet?

It's here, @Canttrustthatday.

I’ve all but stopped coming on recently. It’s just a little boring and repetitive or there’s unnecessary nasty comments.

I am the same, the sheer number of obvious troll posts have made me a complete cynic.

It's very antagonist too. Often a pile on of someone has a different view women don't support other women p. Here these days (in general!)

15 years on mn, have left a few times in the last two or three years, it’s insanely different to years ago, now in so many cases first reply post is mean and it just drops from there until someone measured and diplomatic comes along and picks it up. Threads that used to be seen as funny are slammed and the op is kicked about for trying to be funny.

I need to limit my use too. I don't think it is good for me, even professionally. Views are scewed and I feel, even with experience and expertise to share, just not listened to. Pointless.

I wonder what subscription, use and viewing figures are? Wonder if they have increased? Wonder about the rates of MN blocking posters who are not genuine?

Also silly lighthearted posts get deleted as if being that way is trolling or something. So they are banning funny people and keeping people that bully the OPs

On the plus side - and a reason I have a hard time quitting MN - there really is nowhere else you can find such incredible support from such intelligent and knowledgeable and funny and warm people as on the long-running threads for specific support topics.

That is something MN gives me that is just not possible to find IRL.

It can be the absolute best side of what people can do for and with one another.

The wonderful posters on the infertility and baby loss boards kept me from ending up in a very dark place through some of the toughest years of my life. And were such good company as well! Who’d have thought I’d have come to know such incredibly bright and funny people in such sad circumstances.

The Stately Homes threads are incredible. The threads for people affected by someone else’s drinking,

Just knowing some of these threads exist, and that there are so many people out there who can come together collectively in understanding, is quite moving.

And also there really is nothing like a CF thread. I don’t think anywhere else on the internet provides such rich CF content.

I first posted on here about 10 years ago and the replies I got were really nasty. I left for ages after that.
I came back around 4 or 5 years ago and it seemed better to me. Some posters do come on just to be nasty but you still get some good advice

Absolutely.
The average IQ on here has dropped dramatically - evidenced by lack of nuance, subtlety and humour.
And the male posters can bugger off.

I agree with you OP. I don't know if it is a reflection of true polarisation in people, or it is just a lot of fake posts trying to give the illusion of polarisation and division as it is a powerful political tool. It has increased a lot in the past year, so I suspect it is the latter. We should be able to call out blatantly divisive fake posts.

I disagree, everyone is welcome here. Especially those that find life hard. Access to advice, guidance, support and help is invaluable to those that haven’t had the easiest start in life. It can be life changing. I am okay with a spectrum of voices and a range. There is value in voices from all walks of life.

@IntoChanges

Twas all fields hours ago.

Every single one of your bullet points used to appear in contemporary form back in the days of Bulletin Boards, BITNET and then Usenet, especially on groups which allowed fairly general discussion.

The cycle was:

• group starts around a coherent interest, often similar minded people
• group expands
• new people ask questions which have asked before (but which they hadn’t seen)
• posters who joined hours ago complain about the newbies
• group expands
• the last lot of newbies complain about the new newbies
• group expands
• everyone complains group has lost its cosy, friendly I-know-everyone-feel (no shit sherlock - the group has expanded by a factor of N)
• factions form
• splitters form new groups
• others just move on to the next Big Thing
• everyone agrees that it was at its best when they joined and mourns the good old days
• throughout, social attitudes on the group tend to reflect the prevailing fashions in wider society

Complaints were about Trolls (which fell into a dozen or more subdivisions) and Miaowers rather than robots and AI.

In reality its just the case that huge diverse groups will not feel as “friendly" as small, monoglot groups because you will come across more people whose views don’t gel with your own.

.Then, as now, Sturgeon’s law was alive and kicking.

re MN specifically. I would not say I found early MN particularly friendly or welcoming. I was past the baby stage and to me it felt very white MC and a bit smug, despite the presence of individuals who I enjoyed reading. I drifted away for a few years came back for a while, drifted away, came back again. Topics still interest but general stuff not so much.

AIBU is a problem inasmuch as it has swamped the site .

I agree on the “range of voices” but I came to MN specifically because it was women centred - a rare beast then and now.

I can get a range of male voices literally everywhere, I would be happy for MN to be overwhelmingly female again and focus on the range of female experiences and voices.

There used to be so many threads you'd want to nominate for classics because they were so funny.

These days, you just get bitchy thickos stomping over so many threads that have the potential for humour. It is a shame but I can't think what can be done about it - it's cultural.

I think its a lot better than it used to be with a few Queen bees ruling the roost.

Yes, sick of the very obvious political party driven posts, the people who cant read the posts properly or even get hung up on one word and miss the sense of it, the people projecting who cant see past their own experiences and derail a thread......... And I know we are not supposed to call out trolls, but sometimes its so obvious......

I agree with you on that point totally. The male voice is now so loud you can barely hear anything else - we are mostly here for wisdom from fellow women that have experienced our life event/experience or dynamic. Sadly many seem to have a misogynist agenda too, and are actively harmful. That’s changed. Most of the men on here used to be more supportive and quieter/respectful before.

It’s still better than Reddit.
Not a criticism or anything but has anyone else noticed the crazy amount of posters with ‘cat’ in the name?

This is so interesting - I never notice anyone’s username unless I’m on a long-running thread where I need to put names to narratives over time. I should start paying more attention.

I agree with this!

I first started going on it in 2018 and there was a high level of sycophancy then which has happily petered out now.

I used to regularly find that an interesting or useful thread would often get ‘interupted’ when a popular poster gave a response, and suddenly loads of posters were rushing to cosy up to them. It could be quite intimidating and made me sometimes hold back on a comment I thought was worth making, as it suddenly felt very cliquey.

And the absolutely horrible judgemental people who really surely can’t possibly think like that in real life. Just awful people. Even a simple post has a good few horrors judging and blaming the poster for standing still while they were being hit sort of thing, you know clearly their fault for not running fast enough.

Agree with majority, people are generally more self centred, nasty and enjoy trolling and being bitchy for the sake of it.
Have noticed it generally in society over the last few years and definitely a different vibe out there now. MN is a reflection of society and its not a pleasant place.