To be upset about my mum's holiday

[Applebyapples]

I have a good relationship with my mum and she helps us with childcare, which I'm really grateful for. My three children love her and she's always been there for all of their birthdays. She told me yesterday that she's booked to go on a 10 day holiday with my sister and her husband next year... two of my children's birthdays are 9 days apart, and this holiday covers both of their birthdays. It's the only holiday she's got booked for next year so far. Apparently they "couldn't fit it in at any other time"...though the whole year is available as far as I know as she's retired, and my sister and husband don't have the kind of jobs where annual leave is restricted to certain times. I can't help but feel a bit upset that being at their birthdays isn't important to her and that she'd rather be on holiday with my sister instead, but am I being unreasonable? I haven't said anything to her, but wanted to gauge opinions on whether I'm being ridiculous to feel this way as I'm genuinely unsure

Op you are being incredibly unreasonable

and she didn’t tell you before booking because she knew you’d get in an arse about it

If be telling my mum to have a wonderful holiday and I can’t wait to hear all about it

You’re not upset, you are jealous.

Extremely unreasonable and entitled.

YBVU. At various points it will be more or less convenient for these arrangements to suit you, your sibling or neither. Be gracious and wish her and your sibling a wonderful holiday.

Your mother can go on holiday when it suits her, not you. Maybe she wants some time with her other child as she seems to be at your beck and call a lot. You sound incredibly selfish.

I'm being ridiculous to feel this way as I'm genuinely unsure

ridiculous and petty and mean

let me guess… for and your sis aren’t besties

Time to break new ground and let your mummy off the “being around for kids’ birthday hook.”

Shes only got one life. Let her live it as she wishes.

Yep ☝️

Oh come on. It’s their birthdays they’re not getting married

Oh, for goodness sake. You can’t possibly be serious?

YABVVU.

You are being ridiculous. If your children’s birthdays are that big a deal in the yearly calendar then celebrate with them on the day and organise the parties for them either side of the holiday so your mother can attend. Otherwise keep your mouth shut as you sound like a kid yourself.

You’re being wildly unreasonably. HTH.

YABVU and TOTALLY entitled.

And this ☝️

I can't see my grandchild on their birthday today so we are celebrating again at my house next weekend .
Everyone is happy with that arrangement.

Yes, you are being very unreasonable! Your mum is entitled to go on holiday when she wants to! Your children and mum will have plenty more birthdays that you can celebrate together… don’t be selfish and mean when your mum provides you with childcare.

What's really going on here OP? Is it that you are upset that she's going on holiday with your sister? That you weren't invited?

Because otherwise YABVU.

YABU, she doesn’t have to be around every year for all birthdays. Why don’t you just arrange a day out or something after her holiday and celebrate both birthdays.

Yes you are being unreasonable. I love my 3 grand-children, but I wouldn't plan my holidays around their birthdays. There are 3 of them, they happen every year. I see you also have 3 children, so presumably (for at least 2 of them) it's not a first birthday or anything significant.

I might plan around significant ones when they are older (if I'm still here!) but I guess that when they are older they might not even want their 70+ grandma there.

Yes, YABVU.
Ridiculous in fact.

I don't think you're being ridiculous to be upset. It does seem a little thornless of her to go away over both of your children's birthdays of she would usually be a part of the celebrations.

I think if that's all there is to it then maybe feel a little disappointed and move on, she can probably see them before and after the holiday for their birthdays.

I do get a feeling there may be a little more it. If there is a history of your mother favouring your sister or being quite thornless in regards to you and your children then I can see it being more hurtful as it's linked to deeper feelings.

As a parent of several adult children I try hard not to prioritise one over others just because they have their own children. Also children’s parties are great for the children and absolutely shit for the adults!

There’s lots of reasons to go on a certain date on holiday, maybe it’s seasonal with where they’re travelling, maybe they have projects at work that mean they’re going in a less busy period to take leave, maybe it was a good deal for certain dates, maybe they’re wanting to do something there that’s date specific like a show or event. Just because she’s retired doesn’t mean she should just be always available for childcare and your immediate family plans, she also has another daughter to consider and fit in with.

This can’t be real - it’s absolutely ridiculous entitled and petty.