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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about my mum's holiday

209 replies

Applebyapples · 27/09/2025 14:01

I have a good relationship with my mum and she helps us with childcare, which I'm really grateful for. My three children love her and she's always been there for all of their birthdays. She told me yesterday that she's booked to go on a 10 day holiday with my sister and her husband next year... two of my children's birthdays are 9 days apart, and this holiday covers both of their birthdays. It's the only holiday she's got booked for next year so far. Apparently they "couldn't fit it in at any other time"...though the whole year is available as far as I know as she's retired, and my sister and husband don't have the kind of jobs where annual leave is restricted to certain times. I can't help but feel a bit upset that being at their birthdays isn't important to her and that she'd rather be on holiday with my sister instead, but am I being unreasonable? I haven't said anything to her, but wanted to gauge opinions on whether I'm being ridiculous to feel this way as I'm genuinely unsure

OP posts:
LeedsZebra90 · 27/09/2025 14:36

Unless it is one of their 18ths and you've big plans for it then I think you're being unreasonable.

Costcogroupie · 27/09/2025 14:39

Why does your kids birthday trump your mums holiday?

FuzzyWolf · 27/09/2025 14:39

Perhaps it was notable cheaper or more convenience with the workload that your sister has. Regardless, it’s booked and your mum isn’t unreasonable to want to go away on holiday. I don’t see why you can’t do a joint family party for your children either before or after the holiday.

Interesting that your emotions are all regarding your mum being away. Why don’t you want your sister to celebrate your children’s birthdays?

offuever · 27/09/2025 14:40

I am missing my granddaughter birthday to go to Australia to see my son . My daughter is absolutely fine about it and her only regret is that she cannot come along as well.
Granddaughter will have more birthday celebrations when Grandma gets home,so win win for Granddaughter.

suki1964 · 27/09/2025 14:41

Seriously????

Butterflybum · 27/09/2025 14:43

Oh no, what will you do about childcare?

childofthe607080s · 27/09/2025 14:43

Being retired is busy work you know , and flexible work patterns do still have restrictions and it does just sometimes happen that things don’t happen perfectly but I would not miss a holiday for birthdays

PastaAllaNorma · 27/09/2025 14:43

Sorry, OP, you are wildly overreacting. A child's birthday party is in no way comparable to going on holiday.

She can leav the presents with you or given them to the children upon her return. Seeing a child on his or her birthday is no big deal.

Cherrytree86 · 27/09/2025 14:43

Time to go no contact, OP…
@Applebyapples

Whaleandsnail6 · 27/09/2025 14:45

Yabu. You do sound entitled and jealous.

If your kids are upset, tell them they can have an extra celebration with grandma when she gets back

Praying4Peace · 27/09/2025 14:48

ainsleysanob · 27/09/2025 14:06

Oh come on. It’s their birthdays they’re not getting married

This
Get some perspective OP.
Your mum is extensively involved in your children's lives.
I hope your mum enjoys her holiday

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 27/09/2025 14:50

I have voted unreasonable but I don't judge you forward. You can be disappointed that your mum won't be there without begrudging her her holiday. And if the children are upset then explain that you will have separate family party with Grandma when she is home.

glittereyelash · 27/09/2025 14:53

Beyond ridiculous. You have a lovely mum who is fully supportive. She has given you plenty of notice. You can't expect her to plan her life around your children's birthdays. Tell her you are delighted she is getting a well deserved rest and break.

BendingSpoons · 27/09/2025 14:55

It's fine to be disappointed but don't share that with her. Presumably you can still celebrate their birthdays with her before/after she goes. She is regularly in your life (maybe more so than your sister?) and these are the dates that work for the holiday, so I'd let it go.

Mapletree1985 · 27/09/2025 15:00

Applebyapples · 27/09/2025 14:01

I have a good relationship with my mum and she helps us with childcare, which I'm really grateful for. My three children love her and she's always been there for all of their birthdays. She told me yesterday that she's booked to go on a 10 day holiday with my sister and her husband next year... two of my children's birthdays are 9 days apart, and this holiday covers both of their birthdays. It's the only holiday she's got booked for next year so far. Apparently they "couldn't fit it in at any other time"...though the whole year is available as far as I know as she's retired, and my sister and husband don't have the kind of jobs where annual leave is restricted to certain times. I can't help but feel a bit upset that being at their birthdays isn't important to her and that she'd rather be on holiday with my sister instead, but am I being unreasonable? I haven't said anything to her, but wanted to gauge opinions on whether I'm being ridiculous to feel this way as I'm genuinely unsure

Just have the kids' birthday party after mum comes back. She'll probably bring some great presents from her trip, too.

Broccolitime · 27/09/2025 15:00

BendingSpoons · 27/09/2025 14:55

It's fine to be disappointed but don't share that with her. Presumably you can still celebrate their birthdays with her before/after she goes. She is regularly in your life (maybe more so than your sister?) and these are the dates that work for the holiday, so I'd let it go.

Is it “fine” to be disappointed though?

says a lot about the person if they’re “disappointed” in this scenario

ToddlerSleep · 27/09/2025 15:01

I’m assuming these are her only grandchildren? Seems a bit odd that she chose to go on holiday during the exact period all her grandchildren have their birthdays, there are 356 other days she could have gone. Do you think she might be trying to avoid their birthdays? Children’s birthday parties aren’t fun for adults.

Steph888 · 27/09/2025 15:01

You sound utterly ridiculous. I can’t believe a grown adult would be looking to make an issue out of something so trivial. You need to grow up.

londongirl12 · 27/09/2025 15:02

Yep, ridiculous. My son will only see us on his birthday, and then family are coming round the weekend. I’m sure your kids won’t care that she isn’t there, just see her before or after.

AntiBullshit · 27/09/2025 15:05

Not everything in other peoples lives revolve around you and your kids. You mum is entitled to her life so let her live it

Twiglets1 · 27/09/2025 15:06

just see her before or after her holiday and try to make sure your self centred attitude doesn't cast a shade over her holiday - apparently the only one she is having next year.

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 27/09/2025 15:07

Nah, I'd be upset too. I wouldn't miss my gc or children's birthdays for a holiday, ever. I guess some people don't see that as important but I do

TheBlueRobin · 27/09/2025 15:07

I feel like there's a back story here involving resentment with your sister or how your Mum treats you and this is just one in a line of many things?

Because honestly, taking the information you've provided you would be very unreasonable. You can celebrate with her when she comes back.

SaySomethingMan · 27/09/2025 15:08

You sound incredibly spoilt tbh. Such a shame your mum felt the need to justify to you the reason for booking a holiday around that time. Give your head a wobble and if you expressed these feelings, apologise to her. How ridiculous.

🍪

zazazaaar · 27/09/2025 15:08

My lovely mum has not been to a single birthday party of my kids!