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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about my mum's holiday

209 replies

Applebyapples · 27/09/2025 14:01

I have a good relationship with my mum and she helps us with childcare, which I'm really grateful for. My three children love her and she's always been there for all of their birthdays. She told me yesterday that she's booked to go on a 10 day holiday with my sister and her husband next year... two of my children's birthdays are 9 days apart, and this holiday covers both of their birthdays. It's the only holiday she's got booked for next year so far. Apparently they "couldn't fit it in at any other time"...though the whole year is available as far as I know as she's retired, and my sister and husband don't have the kind of jobs where annual leave is restricted to certain times. I can't help but feel a bit upset that being at their birthdays isn't important to her and that she'd rather be on holiday with my sister instead, but am I being unreasonable? I haven't said anything to her, but wanted to gauge opinions on whether I'm being ridiculous to feel this way as I'm genuinely unsure

OP posts:
Howwilliknow122 · 27/09/2025 17:42

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 27/09/2025 17:39

Good grief ! she didn't give birth to them, you did !

It's not your birthday and even if it was you are an adult and can cope without seeing Mummy on the day
It's not your Mother's birthday and even if it was she can cope without seeing you on the day.

Birthdays are only important to the child whose birthday it is.

Congratulations youre like the 100th poster to say the same patronising comment as all the rest. OK she gets it. Enough now.

Screamingabdabz · 27/09/2025 17:44

I can’t understand these replies. I’d be a bit put out too op. Yes, of course she can do what she likes but it is a bit of a snub in favour of your sister. Is there favouritism going on?

Mumstheword1983 · 27/09/2025 17:44

Broccolitime · 27/09/2025 14:03

If be telling my mum to have a wonderful holiday and I can’t wait to hear all about it

This.

Pigsinpants · 27/09/2025 17:47

Reverse?

dottymac · 27/09/2025 17:56

God..both my parents are long dead and Im sadly estranged from my siblings as we are scattered everywhere and just like chalk and cheese. I have literally noone and my kids have never known and will never know any family except me. Get over yourself - you are incredible lucky in the grand scheme of things.

Topjoe19 · 27/09/2025 17:58

Please have a word with yourself.

newbluesofa · 27/09/2025 17:59

Mumsnet is SUCH a weird place. I read your OP and just knew what the replies would be like.

Of course it's OK to feel disappointed about this. Yes in theory your mum can do what she likes when she likes blah blah. But in the real world, what a shame your children won't have their nan at their birthdays. It must feel like she doesn't really value things like that.

I'm not sure I'd make a big fuss, I'd probably say it's a shame to miss their birthdays and leave it there. Because if she's made that decision then your being upset about it isn't really going to change anything. Honestly, MN posters can be awful and you're getting a really hard time here.

Broccolitime · 27/09/2025 18:00

newbluesofa · 27/09/2025 17:59

Mumsnet is SUCH a weird place. I read your OP and just knew what the replies would be like.

Of course it's OK to feel disappointed about this. Yes in theory your mum can do what she likes when she likes blah blah. But in the real world, what a shame your children won't have their nan at their birthdays. It must feel like she doesn't really value things like that.

I'm not sure I'd make a big fuss, I'd probably say it's a shame to miss their birthdays and leave it there. Because if she's made that decision then your being upset about it isn't really going to change anything. Honestly, MN posters can be awful and you're getting a really hard time here.

Doesn’t occur to you, in the face of unanimous views that the OP is being wholly unreasonable, that perhaps you are too?

newbluesofa · 27/09/2025 18:03

Broccolitime · 27/09/2025 18:00

Doesn’t occur to you, in the face of unanimous views that the OP is being wholly unreasonable, that perhaps you are too?

Show quote history

No, I don't think the MN demographic represents the whole world

ThePoshUns · 27/09/2025 18:04

I’ve heard it all now.

Magnalux · 27/09/2025 18:05

Omg I’m gobsmacked you would begrudge your own mother a holiday!

ainsleysanob · 27/09/2025 18:08

newbluesofa · 27/09/2025 17:59

Mumsnet is SUCH a weird place. I read your OP and just knew what the replies would be like.

Of course it's OK to feel disappointed about this. Yes in theory your mum can do what she likes when she likes blah blah. But in the real world, what a shame your children won't have their nan at their birthdays. It must feel like she doesn't really value things like that.

I'm not sure I'd make a big fuss, I'd probably say it's a shame to miss their birthdays and leave it there. Because if she's made that decision then your being upset about it isn't really going to change anything. Honestly, MN posters can be awful and you're getting a really hard time here.

It’s really not the PP’s on this thread that are being weird love….

KiwiFall · 27/09/2025 18:11

Maybe she thought she was doing right as if it is around your kids birthdays you would be doing things with them (ie taking time off work and or/busy with them at the weekend) and therefore she wouldn’t be needed for childcare?

ClearlyNoIdea · 27/09/2025 18:13

Christ on a bike....it's only their birthdays.
I think you're making it out to be a bigger deal than it is.

My kids just saw a situation like this as a reason the extend their b.day celebrations especially my DD. She called it her b.day week/month depending on when she got to see various grandparents/aunts/uncles. Not everyone can make it on a particular day sometimes. It's called life.

Broccolitime · 27/09/2025 18:20

newbluesofa · 27/09/2025 18:03

No, I don't think the MN demographic represents the whole world

Show quote history

So if you think mumsnet is SUCH A WEIRD place, what draws you?

ThisNeedsToWork · 27/09/2025 18:21

This isn’t real, is it? Surely, nobody is this entitled. 😲🙄

ThisNeedsToWork · 27/09/2025 18:24

newbluesofa · 27/09/2025 17:59

Mumsnet is SUCH a weird place. I read your OP and just knew what the replies would be like.

Of course it's OK to feel disappointed about this. Yes in theory your mum can do what she likes when she likes blah blah. But in the real world, what a shame your children won't have their nan at their birthdays. It must feel like she doesn't really value things like that.

I'm not sure I'd make a big fuss, I'd probably say it's a shame to miss their birthdays and leave it there. Because if she's made that decision then your being upset about it isn't really going to change anything. Honestly, MN posters can be awful and you're getting a really hard time here.

Why do you say she doesn’t really value these things? Presumably, the OP’s mum has been around for all the other birthdays so far otherwise she wouldn’t be so miffed this time (unless it’s really about the holiday with sister) Therefore, I’d say it’s safe to say the opposite.

Worriedalltheday · 27/09/2025 18:25

Doseofreality · 27/09/2025 14:03

You’re not upset, you are jealous.

Sounds like this. So you expect her to NEVER go when your kids have birthdays ever? That’s so selfish of you.

TotallyUnapologeticOmnivore · 27/09/2025 18:31

You are unreasonable to think anyone's holiday choices should revolve around your children's birthdays, unless that person is the other parent.

RisingSunn · 27/09/2025 18:33

saraclara · 27/09/2025 15:42

This thread is well timed for me. I'm a grandma who's not been able to get away on a holiday of her own because life has been pretty shit and I haven't felt able to escape being needed to handle stuff here.

It looks as though there's a light at the end of the tunnel, and I'll be able to get away in a few weeks and potentially visit family on the other side of the world. But that will be over a period where both my grandchildren have their birthdays. But if I don't go then, it will be both unaffordable and inconvenient (returning just before Christmas).

Obviously I'd like to be around for the birthdays (though I generally don't get to see them on the day itself) so I'm struggling with how I might feel not being around, and how my daughter and little granddaughters might feel about it. The older grandchild (6) is already talking about her birthday on the assumption that I'll be there.

I'm glad to see that most people thing is okay. But I'm still a bit uncomfortable about it, even though I know my daughter almost certainly won't have a problem with it.

Just go and enjoy yourself! You can Facetime your grand-daughter on her birthday. (I would tell my mother exactly the same thing!).

Lotsofsnacks · 27/09/2025 18:35

Applebyapples · 27/09/2025 14:01

I have a good relationship with my mum and she helps us with childcare, which I'm really grateful for. My three children love her and she's always been there for all of their birthdays. She told me yesterday that she's booked to go on a 10 day holiday with my sister and her husband next year... two of my children's birthdays are 9 days apart, and this holiday covers both of their birthdays. It's the only holiday she's got booked for next year so far. Apparently they "couldn't fit it in at any other time"...though the whole year is available as far as I know as she's retired, and my sister and husband don't have the kind of jobs where annual leave is restricted to certain times. I can't help but feel a bit upset that being at their birthdays isn't important to her and that she'd rather be on holiday with my sister instead, but am I being unreasonable? I haven't said anything to her, but wanted to gauge opinions on whether I'm being ridiculous to feel this way as I'm genuinely unsure

You’re being ridiculous grandparents don’t have to be there on grand kids birthdays, it’s a nice to, but it’s more on the child’s parents. Wish your mum a great holiday. I’m sure she’ll celebrate with your kids either before or when she’s back from holiday. She sounds like a lovely gran who helps you out loads with childcare.

RisingSunn · 27/09/2025 18:38

newbluesofa · 27/09/2025 17:59

Mumsnet is SUCH a weird place. I read your OP and just knew what the replies would be like.

Of course it's OK to feel disappointed about this. Yes in theory your mum can do what she likes when she likes blah blah. But in the real world, what a shame your children won't have their nan at their birthdays. It must feel like she doesn't really value things like that.

I'm not sure I'd make a big fuss, I'd probably say it's a shame to miss their birthdays and leave it there. Because if she's made that decision then your being upset about it isn't really going to change anything. Honestly, MN posters can be awful and you're getting a really hard time here.

Of course it's OK to feel disappointed about this. Yes in theory your mum can do what she likes when she likes blah blah. But in the real world, what a shame your children won't have their nan at their birthdays. It must feel like she doesn't really value things like that.

Are you being serious? I don't mean to come across as snidey. But surely you don't think the grandma's holiday calendar should revolve around her grand-children's birthdays??

Broccolitime · 27/09/2025 18:39

RisingSunn · 27/09/2025 18:38

Of course it's OK to feel disappointed about this. Yes in theory your mum can do what she likes when she likes blah blah. But in the real world, what a shame your children won't have their nan at their birthdays. It must feel like she doesn't really value things like that.

Are you being serious? I don't mean to come across as snidey. But surely you don't think the grandma's holiday calendar should revolve around her grand-children's birthdays??

Show quote history

It would appear from follow up post that @newbluesofa was being serious!

Handsomesoapdish · 27/09/2025 18:41

@Applebyapples you must be joking or else there is a solar system out there crying for its sun back.

Tablesandchairs23 · 27/09/2025 18:42

You sound petty and jealous. I hope your mum has a great holiday