Page 8 | To be upset about my mum's holiday

Tablesandchairs23 · 27/09/2025 18:42

You sound petty and jealous. I hope your mum has a great holiday

BauhausOfEliott · 27/09/2025 18:44

FFS, they’re your kids, not hers. She doesn’t need to be there for their birthdays. Grandparents aren’t a required feature of every event in your kids’ lives, you know.

YABVVU. The lives of your extended family do not and should not revolve around your children.

newbluesofa · 27/09/2025 18:48

RisingSunn · 27/09/2025 18:38

Of course it's OK to feel disappointed about this. Yes in theory your mum can do what she likes when she likes blah blah. But in the real world, what a shame your children won't have their nan at their birthdays. It must feel like she doesn't really value things like that.

Are you being serious? I don't mean to come across as snidey. But surely you don't think the grandma's holiday calendar should revolve around her grand-children's birthdays??

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Well it depends how much she values being there for their birthdays.

If there's an event that important to your child, and a family member they are close with decides to miss it, I just dont feel it's unreasonable to be disappointed by that?

I just asked my mum about it to see what she thinks as a grandparent. She works term time so is limited when she can take holidays, and one of my children has a birthday in a school holiday. My mum says she wouldn't book a holiday then, because it's important to her to be there. I've never told her she has to, that's just the kind of nan she wants to be. Of course I wouldn't make her avoid holidays during that time, but it would be a shame.

newbluesofa · 27/09/2025 18:51

Broccolitime · 27/09/2025 18:20

So if you think mumsnet is SUCH A WEIRD place, what draws you?

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Entertainment? I don't have to always agree with everyone. And it's interesting to see other opinions. I wouldn't have commented here except I feel bad for OP, fair for people to think she's unreasonable but people are really piling on.

Mich1986 · 27/09/2025 18:52

Applebyapples · 27/09/2025 14:01

I have a good relationship with my mum and she helps us with childcare, which I'm really grateful for. My three children love her and she's always been there for all of their birthdays. She told me yesterday that she's booked to go on a 10 day holiday with my sister and her husband next year... two of my children's birthdays are 9 days apart, and this holiday covers both of their birthdays. It's the only holiday she's got booked for next year so far. Apparently they "couldn't fit it in at any other time"...though the whole year is available as far as I know as she's retired, and my sister and husband don't have the kind of jobs where annual leave is restricted to certain times. I can't help but feel a bit upset that being at their birthdays isn't important to her and that she'd rather be on holiday with my sister instead, but am I being unreasonable? I haven't said anything to her, but wanted to gauge opinions on whether I'm being ridiculous to feel this way as I'm genuinely unsure

What would be her reaction if you booked a holiday over her birthday? My mother would go crazy if I did because she makes a huge deal out of her birthday every year, but has no issue going away when it’s other family members birthdays.

BauhausOfEliott · 27/09/2025 18:54

Screamingabdabz · 27/09/2025 17:44

I can’t understand these replies. I’d be a bit put out too op. Yes, of course she can do what she likes but it is a bit of a snub in favour of your sister. Is there favouritism going on?

Fucking hell. It’s a snub and favouritism when a grandparent dares to go on holiday with her daughter who happens not to be the one who gets free childcare from her all the year round? What a weird take.

This grandmother is available to the OP and her kids all the fucking time. How is it favouritism to spend one bloody fortnight on holiday with her other daughter, for once?

JFC.

RisingSunn · 27/09/2025 18:55

newbluesofa · 27/09/2025 18:48

Well it depends how much she values being there for their birthdays.

If there's an event that important to your child, and a family member they are close with decides to miss it, I just dont feel it's unreasonable to be disappointed by that?

I just asked my mum about it to see what she thinks as a grandparent. She works term time so is limited when she can take holidays, and one of my children has a birthday in a school holiday. My mum says she wouldn't book a holiday then, because it's important to her to be there. I've never told her she has to, that's just the kind of nan she wants to be. Of course I wouldn't make her avoid holidays during that time, but it would be a shame.

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Of course I wouldn't make her avoid holidays during that time, but it would be a shame

But what about other siblings like in the OP's case? Having this mindset is like putting restrictions on what other siblings can do with their parent and when... Other family events are important too.

newbluesofa · 27/09/2025 19:07

RisingSunn · 27/09/2025 18:55

Of course I wouldn't make her avoid holidays during that time, but it would be a shame

But what about other siblings like in the OP's case? Having this mindset is like putting restrictions on what other siblings can do with their parent and when... Other family events are important too.

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Yes, but 2 things can be true at once. It's good to spend time with other siblings, and also it's a shame for nan to miss their birthdays. Both things can be true, it's not that big a deal?

Broccolitime · 27/09/2025 19:19

newbluesofa · 27/09/2025 18:48

Well it depends how much she values being there for their birthdays.

If there's an event that important to your child, and a family member they are close with decides to miss it, I just dont feel it's unreasonable to be disappointed by that?

I just asked my mum about it to see what she thinks as a grandparent. She works term time so is limited when she can take holidays, and one of my children has a birthday in a school holiday. My mum says she wouldn't book a holiday then, because it's important to her to be there. I've never told her she has to, that's just the kind of nan she wants to be. Of course I wouldn't make her avoid holidays during that time, but it would be a shame.

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And if your sister was offering to take your mother away for a break?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/09/2025 19:23

Bonkers! I can’t imagine expecting my parents to deliberately avoid being away on my kids’ birthdays.

Just invite their friends. They’ll be happy.

newbluesofa · 27/09/2025 19:24

Broccolitime · 27/09/2025 19:19

And if your sister was offering to take your mother away for a break?

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I just said to someone else above, two things can be true at once. It's nice her mum will have a lovely holiday. It's also a shame she'll miss their birthdays. Both things can be true, it's OK to feel disappointed for their nan to miss their birthday even if it's for a good reason

Broccolitime · 27/09/2025 19:29

newbluesofa · 27/09/2025 19:24

I just said to someone else above, two things can be true at once. It's nice her mum will have a lovely holiday. It's also a shame she'll miss their birthdays. Both things can be true, it's OK to feel disappointed for their nan to miss their birthday even if it's for a good reason

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That doesn’t answer my question

If your sister was offering to take your mother away on a holiday, you would still feel disappointed and that it was a shame and that that hour mother wasn’t prioritising what’s truly important (being there for your children’s birthday)

Broccolitime · 27/09/2025 19:31

It must feel like she doesn't really value things like that.

you would feel like this if your sister was taking your mother on a lovely holiday and it clashed with one of your children’s birthdays?

newbluesofa · 27/09/2025 19:35

OP, at least they've redirected it onto me now 😂 it's OK to have emotions about things don't worry

newbluesofa · 27/09/2025 19:38

Broccolitime · 27/09/2025 19:29

That doesn’t answer my question

If your sister was offering to take your mother away on a holiday, you would still feel disappointed and that it was a shame and that that hour mother wasn’t prioritising what’s truly important (being there for your children’s birthday)

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Yes? I don't know how else to explain it. Two things can be true at the same time. It can be nice that her mum is getting a nice holiday while also being a shame to miss a birthday. Humans are complex and have many emotions

Broccolitime · 27/09/2025 19:47

newbluesofa · 27/09/2025 19:38

Yes? I don't know how else to explain it. Two things can be true at the same time. It can be nice that her mum is getting a nice holiday while also being a shame to miss a birthday. Humans are complex and have many emotions

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You seem to perceive the mother going as indicative of her not valuing her grandchildren’s birthdays, which is more than simply feeling disappointment she won’t be there

newbluesofa · 27/09/2025 19:48

Broccolitime · 27/09/2025 19:47

You seem to perceive the mother going as indicative of her not valuing her grandchildren’s birthdays, which is more than simply feeling disappointment she won’t be there

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It's ok to have different opinions you don't need to spend your evening on this. My post was directed at OP not you personally

Broccolitime · 27/09/2025 19:49

newbluesofa · 27/09/2025 19:35

OP, at least they've redirected it onto me now 😂 it's OK to have emotions about things don't worry

You sensitive soul

“Redirected it on to me”

you basically implied that we were all so weird

dozens and dozens and dozens of us… all “weird”

Broccolitime · 27/09/2025 19:50

newbluesofa · 27/09/2025 19:48

It's ok to have different opinions you don't need to spend your evening on this. My post was directed at OP not you personally

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You do see the irony of you don't need to spend your evening on this?

Broccolitime · 27/09/2025 19:51

newbluesofa · 27/09/2025 19:48

It's ok to have different opinions you don't need to spend your evening on this. My post was directed at OP not you personally

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So you do see this as the grandmother not valuing the children’s birthday

so you repeatedly saying it’s ok to feel disappointment, well you are saying more than that. You are judging the mother.

newbluesofa · 27/09/2025 19:53

Broccolitime · 27/09/2025 19:50

You do see the irony of you don't need to spend your evening on this?

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You just direct quoted me THREE times in a row, you don't need to get so het up about this. If you hadn't kept quoting me and asking me direct questions I'd have long moved on, you should as well

Broccolitime · 27/09/2025 19:54

newbluesofa · 27/09/2025 19:53

You just direct quoted me THREE times in a row, you don't need to get so het up about this. If you hadn't kept quoting me and asking me direct questions I'd have long moved on, you should as well

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“So het up” 😆

life must be hard 💐

BlueandPinkSwan · 27/09/2025 19:54

OP's arse well and truly booted for being so entitled over birthdays.

Broccolitime · 27/09/2025 19:56

I’m not surprised when you asked your mother put her on the spot she said she wouldn’t go away @newbluesofa .

Probably sensed it would end in “disappointment” and judgment

Broccolitime · 27/09/2025 19:56

BlueandPinkSwan · 27/09/2025 19:54

OP's arse well and truly booted for being so entitled over birthdays.

Yup