To be upset about my mum's holiday

[Applebyapples]

I have a good relationship with my mum and she helps us with childcare, which I'm really grateful for. My three children love her and she's always been there for all of their birthdays. She told me yesterday that she's booked to go on a 10 day holiday with my sister and her husband next year... two of my children's birthdays are 9 days apart, and this holiday covers both of their birthdays. It's the only holiday she's got booked for next year so far. Apparently they "couldn't fit it in at any other time"...though the whole year is available as far as I know as she's retired, and my sister and husband don't have the kind of jobs where annual leave is restricted to certain times. I can't help but feel a bit upset that being at their birthdays isn't important to her and that she'd rather be on holiday with my sister instead, but am I being unreasonable? I haven't said anything to her, but wanted to gauge opinions on whether I'm being ridiculous to feel this way as I'm genuinely unsure

Do you think that you and your children are so important that everyone should prioritise them?
It’s her life she can do as she pleases seem like you are very self entitled!

My DM has hardly ever been in this country when my DDs have celebrated their birthdays. She’s mostly spent 3-4 months in Africa between January and April, where she runs a Christian charity project, in her 80s.

It doesn’t matter to me, those are the best months for her to be there because of the climate. And she’s always put a lot of thought into birthday presents for my DDs.

So I agree that the OP is being unreasonable.

Yeah, you are being totally ridiculous

I have two daughters. One is the mother of my grandchildren, the other is child free.

I'm very aware that since the grandchildren arrived, it's very easy for everything to revolve around them, and what with child care and random visit requests, for me to end up seeing their mum more often than their auntie.
Add into that that I also help out financially with a contribution to nursery fees, it would be very easy for the other daughter to feel that she is at the bottom of the heap.

So yes, it's important for me, and presumably your mother, @Applebyapples ,to occasionally prioritise and make time for the other daughter.
Your children are important to their Grandma, but it doesn't mean that they're her only priority, nor should they be.

Wow, I wasn't expecting so many replies! It's very clear what the consensus is, so I wont be saying anything to my mum other than "How lovely, have a great holiday". Thank you to those who have been understanding and tried to offer useful advice, some of the perspectives have been really helpful in reframing how I'm looking at this. I know Mumsnet can be harsh, but I was still a bit surprised by how nasty most posters have been about me feeling upset and disappointed about this.... it's purely feelings, I haven't acted on them, I haven't said a word to anyone about this in real life, not even my DH

Thank goodness you didn't tell anyone, it could have been a lot worse than you got on here.

Ofc yabu, its their birthdays not their wedding, she can celebrate before she goes / on her return. It sounds like she does a lot for you, you sound ridiculous and entitled to think dsis and dm should plan holidays to suit you. You are their mum and will be there to celebrate their birthdays, let them.see their frirnds or have a day out. Are you jealous that they are going away with yiur sister? Is that the real issue here?

You certainly are being unreasonable. The holiday wasn't deliberately booked to avoid your children's birthdays, the date suited your sister and her husband. I doubt very much that your children will mind Grandma not being there; if their birthdays are nine days apart she can celebrate one just before she goes and one just after her return, they'll like that.

Don't be mean, you are being rather petulant about this and whatever you do, don't let your mum know you're upset. She deserves a nice holiday. For goodness sakes, your ikids have birthdays every year, we all do!

Zombie thread.