To be upset about my mum's holiday

[Applebyapples]

I have a good relationship with my mum and she helps us with childcare, which I'm really grateful for. My three children love her and she's always been there for all of their birthdays. She told me yesterday that she's booked to go on a 10 day holiday with my sister and her husband next year... two of my children's birthdays are 9 days apart, and this holiday covers both of their birthdays. It's the only holiday she's got booked for next year so far. Apparently they "couldn't fit it in at any other time"...though the whole year is available as far as I know as she's retired, and my sister and husband don't have the kind of jobs where annual leave is restricted to certain times. I can't help but feel a bit upset that being at their birthdays isn't important to her and that she'd rather be on holiday with my sister instead, but am I being unreasonable? I haven't said anything to her, but wanted to gauge opinions on whether I'm being ridiculous to feel this way as I'm genuinely unsure

I don't imagine you'd miss your holiday if the only dates you could take it clashed with your mum's birthday - or grandma's birthday either come to that. It's weird make this about your DC's birthdays 'not being important to her'. Feels very guilt-trippy and immature. Hopefully all these replies will have given you some perspective.

Yes, YABU, and ridiculous and petty and entitled (as pp said).

I'd have had to have given my head a wobble before saying anything apart from 'enjoy your holiday mum'.

My mum is my absolute best friend and a brilliant grandmother…I wouldn’t give this a second thought.

Do not mention your disappointment to her under any circumstances!

It sounds like you are a bit too possessive of your mum’s time just because you have kids.

Your sister is entitled to time with her mum too.

I hope you mum takes a lot more time for herself and you don’t take her for granted as free childcare.

What do you do for your mum to show you appreciate her?

You don’t mention your sister’s children so she doesn’t have any? Which means maybe your mum spends a lot more time with you because she looks after your kids and is always available for their special events. So, on the occasion, she is putting your sister first as this is the time that they want to go so they’re going.

You just need to accept that you aren’t the centre of attention really.

What kind of holiday is it? Often there are only certain dates with things like cruises and prices can vary with all holidays. Sometimes you are tying in with a specific event too. Or perhaps, which you won’t like to hear, the dates of birthdays just aren’t imprinted on others in the same way, does she even get invited? My dm rarely came up on my dc’s birthdays as she worked!

I understand you're disappointed but she's your Mum, not their Mum.

Christ alive. Do you expect the poor woman to put her life on hold so it doesn't overlap with your kids' birthdays? Just be grateful you've got a lovely mum who does childcare for you. It's not even standard practice for grandparents to attend every single birthday of their grandchildren. Who the hell expects that? I think you're jealous because she's going with your sister and not you, so this thread is a load of disingenuous bullshit anyway.

OP, She shouldn’t be going on holiday at all. What if you need her for child care?

Yeah, YABU. Just tell her to have a lovely time and ask if she can come by for tea to jointly celebrate your DC's birthdays when she gets back - or before she leaves. DC love extended birthdays where you celebrate with family one day, friends another, relatives at the weekend. It's great.

Why should your mother be more intent on celebrating your DCs' birthdays than spending time with her own daughter? When it comes down to it, her daughter is going to be more important to her than her grandchildren's birthdays.

It sounds like you get a lot of help from your mother, and she's an involved grandparent. Why are you so angry about her having her own life?

😎

I would assume the poster is joking had I not encountered this poster on other threads!

Grandmother's are their own people too op, she's done her shift as mother to young children and is even on hand to you for childcare, which perhaps you are taking for granted because you sound very possessive of her and her time.

You need to really understand that she can book a holiday for whenever she pleases, this is her time now and whatever she gives to you is not to be expected.

YABU. Sounds more like jealousy tbh.your mum deserves a good holiday,- let her be

Gosh, I assumed that @Cherrytree86 was joking. Is she not??? She's unreasonable as well ...

My god. Is this post real? Sorry, I don’t mean to be harsh but I’d do anything for a grandparent to help with childcare. And I’d never expect them to work their holiday around milestone birthdays not a mind kid’s birthdays.

The hardest but best bit of advice I’ve ever received after I gave birth was the following “no one is as interested in your children as you are” and honestly, brutal as it sounds it’s so true. It doesn’t mean grandparents and family love them less, it just means that our kids aren’t always other people’s priorities. Things come before them, and honestly it’s how it should be. Don’t take it so personally, be glad you have them as much as you do, and wish them well on their holiday. If you feel really hard done by then get two birthday cakes for the girls and do a family birthday party before the holiday. Either way it’s just not a big deal.

Why does she need to be at home for your children’s birthdays? Am I missing something here?

Yabu

What a shame you can't be happy for your Mum having a holiday. I'm guessing you don't have a great relationship with your sister. Is there more to this? Does your Mum spend more time with your sister than you? She is 100% not being unreasonable. I'm sure she will love to see your DCs either before she goes or when she's home. She can't revolve her life plans around your DCs birthdays - that wouldn't be fair.

@ParmaVioletTea "Why are you so angry about her having her own life?"

Ah, you obviously didn't get the memo. It's because grandmothers only exist in the context of their grandchildren. It's illegal for them to have a life outside of this. As women they are seriously deficient and probably evil if they think (let alone do) otherwise.

You are being completely unreasonable! I could possibly understand if your children were twins and it were their 1st birthday. But outside of that - this sounds very entitled!

You are joking? A kids birthday party - are you even having one - vs going on holiday at a time that suits her and another person . Right , give me those sausage rolls rather than a cocktail in the sun . Ha 😂

Your wider family's lives and holidays do not revolve around you and your children's birthdays. The have lives too. You are being VV unreasonable and this really is not the end of the world.

of course I’m joking!

@Broccolitime thanks, but you’re wrong. Mind your business.