DH and Business Class Flights

[Setthemup]

We live in Oz, we fly home pretty often as a family - every 12-18 months and my parents visit every 12-18 too. So it's never too long between visits, DH's family don't travel any more, due to health and cost. DH wants to go home to the UK for a family milestone, from a completely selfish pov - I want him to go alone. I saw everyone last year, will be seeing my parents in a couple of months for Christmas, so don't feel the urgency to go home atm. (especially in Feb when it's bleak). I have very little leave as I've just started a new job. Business Class flights are roughly $8k each, and I would prefer to spend the money elsewhere, we have loads to do around the house and a trip home is not a holiday. I have absolutely no problem DH going alone and flying BC - it's a long trek and gets harder as you get older, he could go for a month and spend time with his family and not feel pulled between 2 places. Now that I'm not keen to go DH has suggested using the money saved by me not coming to take DSS 18, which IMO defeats the object of saving the money to do some bits around the house, I have 0 problem helping DSS with his flight or paying for him to fly economy. But I don't think it's right for him to take him back business class, when we really can't afford it! AIBU?

OP, I don’t understand in your OP you said you fly home ‘pretty often as a family’ but you don’t seem to have a have a family to travel with apart from your Stepson.

You don’t want to visit with your husband’s family for their milestone but want to relegate your husband’s son to cattle class if he goes with his father to see their family for the milestone you can’t be bothered with……

Step-parenting is difficult but this comes over as being rather selfish. If you could afford for you and your husband to fly back Business then you can afford for your husband and his son to do the same. Your Stepson is only 18 for heavens sake.

You are married to your husband so input to finances is immaterial.

My parents are very wealthy, and we often travelled to New Zealand. They always flew business, and I was in economy. I remember once they sent a glass of champagne back.

A lot of my friends who fly business put their kids in economy. The thing here though is that it’s just the two of them. Just not nice. Is your dh’s back up to economy?

Business class to Aus for me in my 50’s wouldn’t be a luxury it would be a necessity, but for my kids? No. Having said that, there’s no way if I was flying with just one of my (adult) kids I wouldn’t be sitting with them.. that’s just horrible.

Quite!

There's business class; there's economy class; there's cargo; and then there's Scoot and Norse 🤭

(Edited to say I've never flown business class)

This!

Does he understand that your reason for not wanting to go yourself is to save the money?

The dss is an adult. They don’t need to be holding hands. As people get older they sacrifice a bit of money for comfort. When they were younger they flew economy. Now they are older they fly business. The dss is younger and he isn’t paying so he can fly economy.
it’s such a weird idea that just because older parents want to fly with more comfort on their stiff joints and not so flexible backs, they have to pay for their adult kids to fly business also. Adult kids aren’t entitled to everything their parents have.

Not helpful but I came here for a juicy thread because, despite reading the title twice, I thought your DH got into a fight in business class! My eyes must be tired! 🤣

Norse has lie-flat seats in their business class, as do Air AsiaX. You won’t get the fancy food or a lounge but from the videos I’ve seen it looks acceptable and certainly good value.

Nah, I think she doesn't want to go is because she can't be arsed about her husband's family.

'We live in Oz, we fly home pretty often as a family - every 12-18 months and my parents visit every 12-18 too. So it's never too long between visits, DH's family don't travel any more, due to health and cost. DH wants to go home to the UK for a family milestone, from a completely selfish pov - I want him to go alone. I saw everyone last year, will be seeing my parents in a couple of months for Christmas, so don't feel the urgency to go home atm. (especially in Feb when it's bleak).'

and doesn't like her stepson very much. I still don't understand who the 'family' in her first sentence is as there seems to be her, her husband and his son, who she doesn't seem to think of as 'family'.

Thanks again all for posting, if DSS was younger, then yes he’d be flying the same as his dad. But he’s not he’s an adult. We’ve budgeted 16/18k on flights. I can’t stomach spending that much this year, we all flew back BC last year and the flights were nearly 30k.
I have no issue on DH going and paying for adult DSS, just not at that amount of money. They might not even be on the same flight, if DH stays for a month don’t think I’m being mean or selfish, i still think it’s generous giving an adult a fully funded flight to the value of a couple of k!
I’ve lived away most of my adult life, my parents would fly out to see me BC and sometimes they would pay for me to fly home, I never once expected it should be BC as that’s how they travel!

Really?? I cannot imagine paying for kids to fly business unless they are small enough they need to be /should be near you- which is maybe 14/15 and under? It just sounds like a key step in bringing up entitled children- I remember my wealthy boss’s teen child complaining to him about their school trip to France from Australia- that the flights were economy and the hotel not 5 star. I thought he should realise that this should be a cringing parent moment for him, but he didn’t.

my parents fly business, to visit us and on family trips with us. We still don’t. It’s not a lack of love.

I know not the purpose of the post but if you’re travelling this frequently how are you not collecting air miles etc to put towards reducing your flights in the first place? Then the cost of flying DSS wouldn’t be this amount anyway?

Anyway the actual point…if he’s usually flying BC then he should this time too. Why suddenly put him in cattle class if he doesn’t usually sit there?

No way I'd be paying for kids to fly BC. It's just so indulgent. Whenever I walk through the BC cabin (on the way to the back of the plane) and see kids sprawled out in their seats it makes me think less of their parents.

Yes I'll get called jealous, but it's more than that. It's elitist and indulgent. If I had the money I'd stick the kids at the back, even if I were in BC, and use the money 'saved' to do some good in the world. God knows there's kids whose lives could be changed by it.

Yes. Makes total sense. He hasn't earned the money to pay for it!

Apologies - I thought you meant they should fly economy on those airlines!!

Is DSS not family then? YABVU

Yet you’d still fly BC. Think of the good you could do with the money you’d save if you flew cattle class too!

If DSS isn't on the same flights could you give him some different options eg
Fly economy direct
Fly premium economy with 1 change
Fly business class but with cheaper carrier with perhaps longer layover

All that fit within a budget so decide on an amount you can afford eg 4k aus and then offer him choices.

I fly long haul a lot and recently tried BC for the first time. It did certainly make a difference. But as I can't afford to keep doing it, I came to a compromise decision of flying economy but spending freely on extras to make the flight easier, rather than just picking the cheapest option. Eg -

Arranging a stopover for a day or two in a nice destination halfway, with a decent hotel to sleep properly in.

Carefully timing each leg of the journey so I don't have to sleep on the plane, and to gradually manage jetlag, even if the flight costs more or I have to book separate flights for each leg.

Paying extra for the seats with extra legroom (I'm tall).

etc. etc.

I end up spending maybe £500 - £800 more than if I just brought up a list of flights and booked the cheapest one, but still way less than business class. For each leg of the journey I have to sit in a seat, during daytime (with extra legroom so not so bad) for 8 - 12 hours or whatever, which is not such a hardship when everything else about the journey is pleasant.

Maybe your DH & DSS could try something like that?

Both fly economy or both business. It’s not right to stick DSS back in economy if your DH is in business

2 x economy would surely cost less than one business class?

I agree with this.

Am I right in thinking your DH wants his son to travel bc? If this is the case, I think you need to tread carefully. This is a trip to family, that is clearly important to your DH.

As a SM I think there are extra layers in these situations that need to be heeded. I would be cautious about looking as though you are having any kind of impedimentary role in that. Ultimately op, if you are "happy" for him to take his son economy, we are only talking the difference between an economy and bc, not the whole bc fare as a potential saving.

I'd be inclined to step back and contextualise it that way. It isn't a full bc fare at issue in those circumstances; it's only the difference. Is that really going to go so far on house tweaks?

No one can properly explain why they have to travel in the same class.

If you treat yourself to a Montblanc pen, do you get one for all of your children, so they don’t have to write with a Bic or similar?

Or, if you treat yourself to a personal trainer, does that mean you do the same for your children or it would be unfair?

I don’t think there is anything wrong with everyone flying first class or even private jet, if you can comfortably afford it and want to. But, if money is an issue and you have to make choices, there is nothing cruel about spending 20 odd hours apart, especially if an adult has back or sleeping issues in economy and the older child/young adult doesn’t.

It is very much personal choice and I recently chose to fly premium economy with both of my sons (BA, where the premium is all theirs and none of it mine!). But, if I had flown business and put them in economy there would have been nothing wrong with that either.

I'm not sure the Montblanc analogy is as accurate as going out for a family meal and making the teens skip a starter.