DH and Business Class Flights

[Setthemup]

We live in Oz, we fly home pretty often as a family - every 12-18 months and my parents visit every 12-18 too. So it's never too long between visits, DH's family don't travel any more, due to health and cost. DH wants to go home to the UK for a family milestone, from a completely selfish pov - I want him to go alone. I saw everyone last year, will be seeing my parents in a couple of months for Christmas, so don't feel the urgency to go home atm. (especially in Feb when it's bleak). I have very little leave as I've just started a new job. Business Class flights are roughly $8k each, and I would prefer to spend the money elsewhere, we have loads to do around the house and a trip home is not a holiday. I have absolutely no problem DH going alone and flying BC - it's a long trek and gets harder as you get older, he could go for a month and spend time with his family and not feel pulled between 2 places. Now that I'm not keen to go DH has suggested using the money saved by me not coming to take DSS 18, which IMO defeats the object of saving the money to do some bits around the house, I have 0 problem helping DSS with his flight or paying for him to fly economy. But I don't think it's right for him to take him back business class, when we really can't afford it! AIBU?

He is being offered a fully paid flight + expenses to the UK as an ADULT
Unless he is earning a full time salary, he is not really in the same category as an earning adult, is he?

When I was that age I would have been booked in premium economy whilst the ‘proper grown ups’ were in business or first class. Same for DH and his family. You don’t need the comfort or suffer with jet lag the same way when you’re 18 vs. 50 and business class, especially to/from Aus is something to be earned IMO. Also, and probably more importantly, 2 BC tickets sounds like it’s pushing it for you financially. So absolutely DSS should be in economy/premium economy and then DH can decide whether he wants to join him or upgrade himself.

Are these joint savings?

Can DH fund his son's ticket from his own money?

I think the compromise is both DH and DSS go economy.

It's not your job to fund DSS.

When I travel, it comes out of personal, not family money. Surely, your dh just needs to contribute the same to the family pot and spend his personal money on the flights. Then it means you can still do all the house repairs, whatever, he still gets to fly BC, but he has to cut back on coffees and hobbies and new clothes, etc for however long. Problem solved.

Hi OP, we are flying business class next year to a family wedding and our DC will be in Premium. I'm not paying for them to join us. Usually we fly together (often go economy and back BC if it's overnight), or PE both ways, but sometimes compromise is needed.

Many years ago my PIL paid for our flights to the US and they flew BC we were in economy. My FIL recently booked BC when we travelled together and we are at the other end of the plane, did I mind? No, as money doesn't grow on trees.

It sounds as if you’ve settled into your new life really well and have ‘outgrown’ the constant gruelling visits to relatives back home in the UK.

I think you should admit this and tell DH that you don’t want to make such frequent trips from now on and would like to start taking some proper holidays somewhere else. It isn’t really about the money, is it?

Many people live across the globe from their families and part of that is everyone accepting that you can’t pop back even once a year, let alone twice, especially as everyone gets older, sadly.

Disagree with the majority. DSS is young and will bounce back from an economy flight. I travelled for a year late 20s and it was fine. He's even younger.

It's different now I'm older, I couldn't do it without spending the first 2 days in bed.

If he wants to go he is getting a economy ticket paid for. If he want to do BC he can work / save for the difference in cost. But I expect he'd rather spend his hard earned cash on pints or whatever. Always easy spending other people's money.

So you don’t want to go to see elderly, less mobile Pil, because you saw them 12 months ago and are quite happy to let DH go by himself to celebrate the milestone, ( I’m going to guess a milestone anniversary, or birthday) but have a problem with him taking his son to see his grandparents, because he will have to travel business class with his dad, but are happy to put him in economy?.
I question what have Pil and SS done, that makes you prioritise home improvements over DH family, (especially avoiding a milestone event).

Slightly off topic, but this dilemma reminded me of some family members who used to fly backwards and forward to Japan. The parents always went First Class but the kids used to fly 'steerage' as they called it! Not a trace of guilt!

Not everyone has 'personal' money. My DH and I just spend from joint funds for everything. End of.

Adult DSS is getting a free trip to the UK. No need for this to be in business class!

Doesn’t seem a good plan for him to take time off in university term time.

Exactly this

That's a tough one! I treated myself to PE on a trip to Australia (my first) earlier this year. Got upgraded to BC on the final leg home from Singapore and OMG I honestly think it would have been worth paying the money for and making savings elsewhere to cover the huge extra cost. I've done countless transatlantic trips in economy over the years and coped well (or thought I had) but to get off a 12 hour flight in London refreshed from a decent nights sleep and proper food, fully functioning and able to get on with the new day was just incredible. Necessary too in my situation as my first stop was the hospital where my husband was, he'd got ill after I left and has since died. I'm still so grateful for that upgrade and the mental energy/strength it gave me to take in and process what the consultant had to say when I got there. On the other hand when my 30yo DD flew back from Sydney a month later at my expense to be home with us I paid for her economy flights home.

I do think if they're travelling together they should fly the same class though.

I guess this is a problem if you remarry with a stepchild.

Your husband probably maintains he should be in control of how he spends money on the stepson. But the finances are now joint in the marriage.

Either way it's a no win scenario. Either you prevent your DH spending the money on his son, leading to the fact that you might be perceived as the evil stepmother, or you allow your partner to spend as much as he wants on his son which leads to you getting less resources than you want.

I assume as you joined finances prior to marriage you must have had some discussion on these issues, for example how much of joint money is to be paid out on uni fees, accommodation etc. What happens if your DH decided he wants to give his son a downpayment on a house out of joint finances ?

God you sound so selfish.

Presumably your husband’s parents are in poor health and he wants to visit because he’s worried they won’t be around much longer.

You’re happy to take a holiday worth $8k, but not for your stepson to visit his poorly grandparents.

OP says that the DH is traveling due to a family milestone. No need to make up sob stories that the grandson is being prevented from visiting his dying grandparents as it's not true. And even if it was true, he could fly economy?

I get the reasons why a young person is fine in economy. Trouble is he's a DSS not a DS. Avoiding the appearance of treating him differently is as important as anything else, I'm afraid.

You may be in the slightly irritating situation where your own DC age 18 might be fine in economy, but in this instance they should both go BC.

I also like the idea of buying the extra legroom bulkhead, pay to check more baggage and whatever else you can do, to make economy as comfy as possible.

But she says she would rather not fly so they have the money to do stuff on the house.

I would say absolutely not, I’m saving money and leave by not going ,the money saved by my choice is now allocated for these things on the house, so if you want to take ds you need to both fly economy. I have no issues of course if you want to do that and fly economy, but you’re not spending my fireplace/ painting/stove /whatever money.

dh and I are Aussie and would come back every year from London flying economy with babies /young children, so I have no issues at all expecting an adult to suck up economy if they want to take their child too.

Adults do do it without spending the first two days in bed though. Nothing about having a 3yo and 6 month old or the other various ages they were when we did the trip meant we could get a full night in bed at the other end much less days worth.

@DontReinMeIn FFS no. I’m not denying his access to his dying DGP, for what it’s worth he has one set of GP that he considers as his genuine GP’s and that’s my parents.

Most airlines offer a chance to bid for an upgrade or offer reduced price upgrades to BC closer to the flight date. Why don’t they book economy and see whether they can get a good deal on an upgrade?

As an aside… if you’re flying long haul BC frequently then you need to be using the rewards system of your chosen airline to get cheaper flights. Get the credit card for your chosen airline, collect avois/airmiles etc. whatever your airline uses. We NEVER pay full price for BC.

Oh come on! You must know that's not the same thing. It's more like, would you give him a seat in your Range Rover or expect him to catch the bus to get to the same destination. Having them on the same flight and one turning left while the other turns right is fairly mean - also, it would be much more fun for both of them to be sitting together, surely? And yes, he's a legally adult - but he's 18, not 37 with a career in banking ffs.

Either everyone in the family (for this and future flights) flies economy or everyone flies Business.

If your family can't afford or doesn't want to pay for BC, then you all fly economy all of the time.

Treating your step son as a second class citizen is just nasty.

Wow, just wow. Happy to pay BC when you are there, but because you cant be bothered to go, he's gotta go economy.

Behave yourself love, I hope he has the balls (if youve let him keep them) to book it. Damn cheek of you.

IME it's perfectly normal for a parent to fly business while their DC is in economy class.

They are much more resilient at that age.