Old-ish man on the route to the Co-op who keeps saying hello

[RogueFemale]

I moved house last week and already have noticed this man. He lives on the short (7m) walking route to the local Co-Op. He's maybe mid 60s, tall, heavy build. He is always standing outside his front door, and he loudly says hello every time I go past. I ignore him.

I'm 60 and am used to being invisible.

So it's not a leering hello. I also thought maybe it was accidental he was standing outside before, or something, and just a cheery 'local' hello.

But I went past twice today (to Co-Op) and he was there both times, hello-ing, and I'm finding it quite weird, that he's always standing outside his front door.

I'm going to be going to the local Co-Op a lot, so what do I do?

AIBU to continue to ignore him and just doggedly go past for years pretending he's not there?

Oh dear. The OP clearly feels uncomfortable with this situation, it creeps her out. So we all say 'just get over yourself'? Maybe the OP is picking up body language signals that feel like danger. Maybe the man is mentally unwell. Sometimes this is fine and a cheery hello back can help things along. Sometimes your instinct is not to encourage in any way, as it could get out of hand. So I don't think it's the FACT of the man standing there the whole time saying hello. More that the vibe is wrong. I think I would keep going to Co-op and maybe credit the guy with a nod and a wan smile that communicates "I acknowledge you're there but you're not getting anything more from me". We are not there to make other people feel better. We need to keep ourselves safe.

In the next village, a man used to stand by his gate most of the day saying hello to everyone who passed and waving to car drivers. It seemed strange to us when we first moved here, but we quickly discovered that he was a village character and everyone loved him. One of our daughters said that every village should have a man like him! When he died, we were so sad.

I would probably do headphones without noise incase of danger just to send the message that you can't hear ( even though you can). If this person is out all day they must see a lot of people with headphones in.

One of these vicious creatures actually said to the OP "Sorry you were raped, but..." and proceeded to lecture her.

I cannot say this clearly enough - his feelings do NOT TAKE PRECEDENCE OVER HERS. No man's feelings, no person's feelings take precedence over another person's.

It does not matter, at all, what his reasons are. She doesn't want to talk to him, and that is the end of it.

She should go another route or find another shop, imo.

Yes, that's fair. I often turn my earpods off when I am in a quieter area, or it is dark when I am going to my car. Good point.

Just say hello as you walk past, there's no reason to think it will mean getting involved in an unwelcome way, and if he says anything else you can say you're in a hurry and keep moving. He may well have a mental health problem but it doesn't mean that he's dangerous in any way. And if he is, not saying hello won't necessarily keep you safe.

Doesn't matter his reasons.

She doesn't want to.

So that's that.

Fine, OP must of course do whatever she wants. But she did come on here asking what people thought, so I said what I think.

You lack the milk of human kindness.

The sky won’t fall in on you if you say hello.

Manners cost nothing.

You lack the milk of human kindness. OP was raped. Stop telling her to ignore her feelings and instincts to appease men.

Just say hello and keep walking … what on earth?!?! 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣

Perhaps he has noticed that you are new to the area? Perhaps it is more from politeness towards someone new and not for nefarious reasons? Why not speak to the women in the area around your own age, perhaps while you are queueing in the shop, and ask them who he is? If they know him, they will be able to tell you if he is OK to talk to. They will also know if he is looking for a wife/companion/housekeeper instead of just a friend.

Loneliness can be an awful thing, quite different to being alone. You can be alone and not feel lonely.

Social history shows that decades ago before the advent of residential homes where the aged are incarcerated in chintz prisons, there were lots of park benches almost always occupied by elderly men smoking their pipes and reading their papers, just enjoying each other's company, even when not speaking, just knowing who was alive and who wasn't.

The elderly women would sit on a chair at their front gate and wave to the other women doing the same, knowing who was missing.

Now they are not seen. They have become shadows, indoors. They are not welcome in outside areas, like parks.

It is not necessarily about defending men's feelings (though you lost me at menz hurtyfeelz). As far as I'm concerned she is free to ignore him but her reactions to the situation are her responsibility as there's no evidence that he's done anything wrong.

Is every woman who disagrees with you a vicious cunt?

So that's how you define women with a different opinion to you? Thanks for clarifying.

for heavens sake, the guy might be lonely and pleased to see someone
say Hello you silly gal

I made it clear that I wasn't posting about the man's feelings, but I maintain that he doesn't appear to have actually done anything wrong. He hasn't actually threatened or harassed her. Her reaction to the situation is down to her. She can decide how to respond. If he'd approached her, invaded her personal space or threatened her I'd feel differently.

I certainly see little point in engaging with someone who persists in not reading what I wrote and who delivers personal attacks, so I'll bid you good night.

There used to be a man who stood on an overpass near me all day, and waved hello to the cars and trucks going by on the highway. He had an intellectual disability.

After he died, they renamed the overpass after him.

Just say hello OP.

Oh, so you're miserable and hatefilled TERF.

So why make such a huge drama over the whole thing, starting a thread on MN and then making more and more bizarre and unpleasant posts as she goes and arguing with people who have answered the very question she asked? Everyone is entitled to speak, or not speak, to whoever they wish - but we don't all come on here making it out to be such a HUGE issue when someone dares to greet us more than once.

OP asked if she were being unreasonable and it's actually reassuring to see that an overwhelming majority have confirmed that she is - maybe there is some hope for society after all.