Old-ish man on the route to the Co-op who keeps saying hello

[RogueFemale]

I moved house last week and already have noticed this man. He lives on the short (7m) walking route to the local Co-Op. He's maybe mid 60s, tall, heavy build. He is always standing outside his front door, and he loudly says hello every time I go past. I ignore him.

I'm 60 and am used to being invisible.

So it's not a leering hello. I also thought maybe it was accidental he was standing outside before, or something, and just a cheery 'local' hello.

But I went past twice today (to Co-Op) and he was there both times, hello-ing, and I'm finding it quite weird, that he's always standing outside his front door.

I'm going to be going to the local Co-Op a lot, so what do I do?

AIBU to continue to ignore him and just doggedly go past for years pretending he's not there?

Have you never had a bad feeling about someone, @DBD1975? I know I have, and I’m sure I am not the only one. The OP says she has a bad feeling about this man - so I’m not sure how you know so much better than her, when you’ve never even seen the man.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cj08qypl438o

www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cvgmn1rxpk4o.amp

www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/man-sexually-assaulted-mental-health-31704267

https://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/man-who-studied-to-be-32227632?int_source=amp_continue_reading&int_medium=amp&int_campaign=continue_reading_button#amp-readmore-target

So there is 3 or 4 articles of people with MH issues attacking people

If you work in MH then I genuinely think you need a MH review yourself. How you can be so manic and rigid in your views is beyond belief when a simple Google search can show you that people with MH problems can and have been violent and dangerous

You are wrong. That's it. No one is demonising anyone with MH problems but your blatantly denying reality at this point? If this is genuinely your view that there are no dangerous violent people with MH problems then I can only assume you have MH problems at this point because your logic is absolutely bizarre

This isn't being bitchy or sarcastic i really think you need to look at how your coming across

Thank you so much, you are so correct, it is obviously possible, for a lay person, to diagnose someone standing in their own doorway saying hello to people, is a dangerous psychopath by how they look. No prejudice or bias involved and it is a perfectly rational point of view that people with mental health issues are all dangerous and out to harm others.
I have worked in mental health services for over 20 years and you have finally showed me the error of my ways.

The work I do and have done has all been wrong, if only there were more people in the world like you it would be a much better place.

Nah, we both know I said some people with MH problems can be violent and dangerous. Don't try and change things now your losing the argument,

I'm genuinely concerned that you work in MH and can so easily lie and twist other people's narratives. I would NOT want you to be my MH nurse. You are nuts

This is so complex, as demonstrated by OP’s latter posts and is in no way a reflection on the level of risk that people with MH problems present.

Your last sentence does not suggest that you have a balanced view on mental health.

No I agree with Upanddpwnislife25 . It does not seem to me that DBD1975 sounds stable enough to work in MH. The fact that they don't understand that people with MH issues can be dangerous is a major red flag. As I said earlier, that is not to say all people with MH issues are dangerous. But some are. The poster basically said none of them do.

Can you point out where? All I’ve seen is them saying you cannot diagnose a mental health problem from a person standing in their doorway saying hello to people and to do so is problematic. But please do point out if I’ve missed it.

I cannot believe someone called this man abnormal for him saying hello. Even worse if he has a learning disability!! Gosh golly.

Gosh golly 😂

I agree with you @GlastoNinja

Update. After the pile on on here, I thought maybe I was being unreasonable (well, not really, but anyway...) and so I nervously replied hello to the man today. Paunch, t-shirt and joggers. Hadn’t seen him in a while.

He responded with along the lines of give us a smile, and then 'people need to smile more'. People = women, because you can fucking bet he isn’t asking passing men to smile for him.

I just carried on walking, didn't know what to say.

So, yeah. I’m going stick with my initial instinct.

Listen to your gut.
If you give him an inch he'll take a mile.
Hopefully he'll get the message, though I'd be tempted to change my route if possible, avoiding him.

Are you ever going to apologise for being so disparaging and grossly offensive about mental health and dementia?

It's entirely up to you who you choose to engage with and trusting your instinct is right. There are some utter twats on here, so just ignore them. I would hate to be forced to look at and speak to this guy if I wasn't comfortable. You don't owe him a thing.

It’s a bit cruel to just ignore someone. Even if he is mentally unwell, he has feelings and can suffer loneliness. A simple friendly hello back is likely to be fine, and if you find there are any issues you can tweak your approach. It sounds like it’s a public place and like he’s not dangerous …

sorry hadn’t read the update - he doesn’t sound very nice!

I say hello to most people. Didn't realise that was an indication of being mentally ill. It might be a change of scenery he likes. I will say hello to anyone. I often think that I could be the only person they have spoken to all day.

The way he dresses is surely irrelevant. The comment re people smiling more would irk me. I think if that had been included in your original post your replies might have been different

@RogueFemale Well done for having a go.

I wonder if he responded like that as a bit of a wind up after your ignoring him so much first, but yeah, maybe he’s a bit of a knob, nervous waffle. Doesn’t make him a massive predator, and you’re perfectly in the circumstances, surely. Well, at least you’ll feel more settled on ignoring him in future.

If someone was walking past you and said hello, how would you reply?

where I’m from we greet people we walk past. I know this isn’t done down south though. But I say hello to people as I’m walking, so this wouldn’t even register with me as weird. Ok maybe slightly that he’s there, but I have family with special needs, so again, I’d think “maybe he has special needs” say hello and get on with my day.

I think the man should stop speaking to OP, she sounds rather unpleasant and not worth him wasting his time on.

Ugh, that smile comment is so typical. Trust your instincts. I’d wear headphones and be as oblivious as possible.

I'm down south. I say 'hello' to people in our village all the time. Everyone says 'hello' back. It's a lovely, friendly place to live. It's different if you live in a town, but even then, it's nice to be able to interact with people you see often eg shop workers. Social interaction is good for our mental health. Perhaps being over suspicious of others and isolation is contributing to loneliness and poor mental health.

There are a couple of men like this in my village. They’re lonely and one probably does have some mental health issues. It’s never occurred to me to not say hello back or even engage in a short conversation.

This just proves your instincts were right!

And shame on those handmaidens who tried to gaslight and shame you for your instincts!

Typical shark remark. No wonder you are anonymous.