Old-ish man on the route to the Co-op who keeps saying hello

[RogueFemale]

I moved house last week and already have noticed this man. He lives on the short (7m) walking route to the local Co-Op. He's maybe mid 60s, tall, heavy build. He is always standing outside his front door, and he loudly says hello every time I go past. I ignore him.

I'm 60 and am used to being invisible.

So it's not a leering hello. I also thought maybe it was accidental he was standing outside before, or something, and just a cheery 'local' hello.

But I went past twice today (to Co-Op) and he was there both times, hello-ing, and I'm finding it quite weird, that he's always standing outside his front door.

I'm going to be going to the local Co-Op a lot, so what do I do?

AIBU to continue to ignore him and just doggedly go past for years pretending he's not there?

I can only speak for myself but, I think a gut instinct is a very good thing and I don’t think OP should ignore hers. What I am saying is that it was clear from the level of vitriol OP had towards this complete stranger that a lot of her instinctual dislike of him was driven by her own trauma. Perfectly understandable. My issue was her diagnosing this stranger with dementia and/or a mental illness purely based on her own response to what seems, on the face of it, fairly benign behaviour.

Her posts have changed their content and for some unfathomable reason which the OP has not addressed as far as I can see, she then made some random comment about trans people which has no bearing on the issue in hand, then tried to deny it.

Gut instincts = Ok.
Diagnosing a man with a mental illness for standing in their garden saying hello to passers by = Not ok.

Because precisely nothing has happened. It’s all projection and assumption only.

Because according to the first post the man is doing nothing more then standing in front of his own house saying hello!
The OP has 2 choices as far as I can see....either keep ignoring this absolute psychopath who is wilfully and creepily saying hello from his doorstep
Or just don't walk past his house on the way to the Co op!
(I'm enough of a stirrer though that if I was him i'd be upping the volume and cheeriness of my hellos just to see what happened!)😂

Dear God.

He’s standing on his doorstep watching life go by as he’s probably lonely.
You sound like an awful person.

FFS! Why can't you say 'hello' and move on. If you're scared or whatever, change your route.

And - poor man - if he is mentally ill, why should that affect you.

Sad we still have a stigma against those with mental issues.

Does it not occur to you that this man could be lonely.? Think it’s you that has the problem.Being pleasant costs nothing

What sad times we are living in.
He is probably just sad and lonely. He just says hello, say hello back.
That is not getting involved and just because people try and engage with others doesn't mean he is mentally ill and even if he was being mentally ill doesn't make someone dangerous.
I walk my dog every day and say hello to numerous people. There are a few people male and female who are regularly outside and just want a hello and a smile, what is wrong with that?

Where I live lots of people say hello. It’s really not threatening

What’s this obsession with being invisible. My mum and grandma were never invisible, they spoke to people more than ever in their older age.

Freak.

You, not him.

The big difference is that you don’t find the people greeting you threatening or unsettling, @Bellyblueboy - but the OP is getting bad vibes from the man who is greeting her.

She could be totally wrong about him, and everyone on here saying she should just say hello back to him might be absolutely right that he is nice, harmless and just lonely - but I still think she has the right to act on her gut feelings about this man.

Teaching women to ignore their gut feelings, be polite, be nice, be kind, hasn’t been an unalloyed success in the past, and I thought we were glad that women and girls now feel empowered to trust their gut.

I'm particularly sad that you think he might have dementia and yet are unwilling to even reply a one word pleasantry.

I don't for one minute think that saying hello back as you continue to walk is going to encourage him. It could just as easily be theorised that ignoring him will encourage him to keep repeating himself until he gets a response, either if he thinks you haven't heard or if he has the intention to be creepy to you.

If you are so sure of your actions, I'm not sure what you were looking for by starting this thread?

Where I live it would be unusual - and considered very rude - to pass someone without saying hello.

Unless he moves away from the door and starts to accost you then your reactions seems wierd to me.

I am not sure about the reason behind this post, OP. Most people are saying they would say "hello" back and carry on with their day. I share this opinion.
You don't want to.And this is also perfectly fine.

But if this situation makes you feel uncomfortable, maybe you can find another route to the shop? No much else you can do I am afraid.

So saying Hello to someone is now "unwanted behaviour". What next? Will we all have to wear large placards proclaiming who is allowed to speak to us in future years? It seems that's the way we will go if some weirdos on MN are to be believed.

Is this a joke? You don’t know what to do? Have some manners and greet him back obvs! You’re 60 so surely you grew up with such manners??

🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

Just say hello back, you strange woman 😉

A bloke down the road is very much as you describe and does the same, often outside saying hello. He has additional needs, it's quite obvious and known.

Doesn't mean he deserves to be ignored. I say hello back and stop for a quick chat if I have time. This is how neighbourhood/ community works.

Would you say hello if it was a smiley, chic woman saying it? Why the differential treatment?

I feel bad for this man reading this and I don’t even know him, how awful he must feel trying to be friendly and just getting ignored 😢 just give him a little wave or nod or something

Some people like a bit of chat to pass the day and in day-to-day you can typically pick up who's willing, and who's not. People are entitled to acknowledge (or not) other's interactions but surely given OP isn't wanting to pursue, even the slightest, interest should be respected? The OP doesn't care what the man thinks (reasons for disinterest is irrelevant - she's a big girl now) would just rather he fade into the street furniture and talk to someone else 🤷‍♀️ I can only hope the man gets the message soon! Maybe a "Not interested" as passes by if wants to be vocal...not to insinuate OP thinks he wants to get in her pants, but that his trying to nice isn't wanted 🤷‍♀️

OP isn't comfortable or interested in saying 'Hello' (reasons irrelevant) - I drum into my daughter that no person is entitled to your attention of they make you feel uncomfortable.

I'm trying to imagine OP going to Ireland. Everyone will say hello. The Irish will walk over to you to be friendly, say hello and ask you where you are from, where you are staying and advise you of what not to miss while you are there.

I was shocked for the first few days, then I went with the flow and when I came home I realised how standoffish the English are by comparison.

We had a license for the Liffey but were accidently in the wrong place. The water bailiff came along and had a right go at us, buggered off and came back half an hour later to apologise, saying that someone else had put him in a bad mood but he had taken it out on us and he was sorry. He then stood and chatted with us and he was so interesting and friendly.

We should all be more Irish. OP included.

Do what you want to do. No need to people please. We are all so conscious of how we make other people feel we belittle our own feelings. If you want to say hello, say hello. Otherwise ignore him. Put some big headphones on and he'll soon get the message!

Headphones are a good idea, although a woman posted on here a while back that she was wearing headphones and an old man started screaming at her and followed her into a shop for daring to ignore him and was berating her for being rude.

But for the most part, they do send a signal and will help to distract.