Old-ish man on the route to the Co-op who keeps saying hello

[RogueFemale]

I moved house last week and already have noticed this man. He lives on the short (7m) walking route to the local Co-Op. He's maybe mid 60s, tall, heavy build. He is always standing outside his front door, and he loudly says hello every time I go past. I ignore him.

I'm 60 and am used to being invisible.

So it's not a leering hello. I also thought maybe it was accidental he was standing outside before, or something, and just a cheery 'local' hello.

But I went past twice today (to Co-Op) and he was there both times, hello-ing, and I'm finding it quite weird, that he's always standing outside his front door.

I'm going to be going to the local Co-Op a lot, so what do I do?

AIBU to continue to ignore him and just doggedly go past for years pretending he's not there?

She is entitled to find women who tell her "Sorry you were raped BUT" (yep at least one of the bullying abusers on here said that) and JUST BE NICE!!!!!!! in a hundred different ways to stop being cockpandering cows. She has not done that, however, so seems pretty reasonable to me.

I haven't seen her saying anything bizarre or unpleasant. Perhaps I missed it.

Yes, she was wrong to ask mumsnet to support her when she asked if it was ok not to talk to a weird man shouting at her in the street, after all it is mumsnet, where the powerless bullies come to froth and foam, and particularly on AIBU.

And certainly, she should be open to reasonably voiced differing opinions which aren't just beeeee kiiiiiinnnndddd - which is something predators and their supporters say to women all the time.

If anyone actually answered her question reasonably and sincerely "AIBU to continue to ignore him and just doggedly go past for years pretending he's not there?" and had the OP berate them or say anything remotely bizarre or unpleasant about their opinion, I have not seen it.

Seen a lot of bullying cunts though.

There are two men who live in my neighborhood who do to this. They're not mentally ill, they are developmentally disabled. They say hello and they wave when I walk past or when I drive past, and I say hello and wave back.

I totally get what you mean.
Everyone on here pretending they’d be going for a chat with this bloke every time they try and go to the shops! Ridiculous!

He’s obviously not the full shilling.
Is there another way round you can go to the shop?

If not, I think I would say hi back and scuttle off quickly as I’m not sure there is much else you can do, but it would definitely be annoying and he could start to think you’re up for full on conversations etc, which will be even more annoying.

Saying Hello back is not getting involved. Invest in some headphones cheap ones so it doesn’t look like your being really rude and disrespectful when walking past. Imagine yourself in his shoes if you were mentally ill and had nobody else to talk to.

Well you must be equally as bad because you're always watching him! So maybe on Dadsnet this same post has been put up 😂. "Weird woman keeps staring at me out of the window"

The obvious thing to do here is to walk on the other side of the street, possibly with your headphones in, and ignore him. You don’t have to make a connection with him if you don’t want to.

I live in the south east on the coast and also think this is very strange 😂 us southerners aren’t like this either

Gently, @RogueFemale have you ever had any counselling since the period of your sexual assaults? If you can afford it or access via your GP, this might be an ideal opportunity to try to access some CBT.

I understand that you feel the way you feel, but your projections in your own head of what happens once you've said hello back are doing some extremely heavy lifting here!

Yes the guy might have learning difficulties. Yes he clearly is physically enormous. That doesn't mean that a very quick 'hello' or 'morning' back from the opposite pavement means he's going to stalk you or see you as a target.

On the positive side, maybe it's a great thing to open a conversation with the neighbours in your new area though? "Ooh, how long has the guy at number 73 lived there? I thought it was a bit unusual he was still outside when I did my return trip from the shop as well."

Then you might get a range of useful responses anywhere between 'yes, he's a right wrong'un, on the paedophiles register, been done for stalking 3 times, definitely don't say hello he'll try to say something more back' through to the (probably statistically more likely) 'oh Bob, he's lived there all his life, been on his own since his Dad died 3 years ago. X person comes in Y times a week to look in on him, but he never moves off his doorstep for anything. Completely harmless, say hello & he never say anything more that that.' Or maybe somewhere in between.

I do understand your concerns about the "Of Mice & Men" character, and obviously you bring your own history with you to assessing potential risks as statistics haven't been in your favour in the past. Talk to your (other!) new neighbours, find out some more background, but don't treat the 90+% of us who would simply say hello back & keep walking like we're the outliers.

Hello doesn't have to lead to anything, it doesn't have to mean anything, it isn't consent & it wouldn't usually lead to stalking or even necessarily another sentence.

Maybe try to access some CBT through your doctor to help you parse the world in a way that helps you live your life in a lower state of fight or flight? I understand how you've got there, and I'm not telling you that's wrong - but you could probably access a far more fulfilling & enjoyable life from now on if you can get some help with living in a lower stress state as you move through the world.

Good luck

There's actually nothing more that can be said.

Ironic coming from someone who just keeps repeating her same old “point”, even to the extent of replying to her own posts.

To be fair I get it. One minute you're saying hello to the neighbour and the next minute you're in bed together. It is a slippery slope.

What helpful and balanced advice. . And getting to know some other neighbours could make the area feel safer.
Thank goodness the trolling on this thread has been deleted.

I'm so late to this thread...but saying 'possible dementia' in the same sentence as 'mentally ill' is just vile.

Imagine thinking it's okay to refer to dementia (a decline of brain function, usually as a result of age) as a 'mental illness.' I just cannot comprehend how anyone can think that sort of language is acceptable.

Also, using the phrase 'mentally ill' to describe people with mental health disorders (as termed by WHO) is unacceptable in any setting. This is the sort of language i'd expect to hear from the 1950's where Eugenics were considered acceptable...but this is 2025 for goodness sake. Show some respect to people with mental health disorders - it's not hard.

I was once in a restaurant and picked up a buffet plate and it was boiling. I turned to the person behind me and said "oh just watch out for those plates they are really hot" and smiled.

They looked at me like I had spat in their face. And just turned and spoke to their friend. They looked disgusted and terrified that a stranger had initiated some kind of conversation.

Online delivery might be an option if you don't want to risk anyone saying hello to you.

Kindly, OP, I think this, if you’re not comfortable with a full hello, or hi back.

Sounds like something that you’re going to experience a lot, so best to find a way to get comfortable with it.

@RogueFemale this.

Jesus Christ is this really where we are at with society?

Someone says hello and the recipient is so distrustful that they post on MN about it?

He's being friendly and might even be a bit lonely OP.
Say hello back FFS 🙄

No wonder society is breaking down at the speed it is.

No-one needs to stop what they're doing! You say Hello and keep walking!

It costs absolutely nothing to be pleasant and so far he hasn't left his doorstep so there is no reason to think he's going to be chasing her down the street!

I bet he says Hello to all the men too!

7 metres? That's 2 doors away?!?!

I think op means 7 minutes.

Indeed. Don’t usually watch daytime tv but it was showing at the hospital waiting room recently and it had a garden makeover slot. They were updating an older lady’s front garden, with a special bench and a porch roof over it so she could still sit outside and wave and chat to passers by, one of her favourite pastimes, if the weather wasn’t great.

Was she a weirdo? I don’t think so.

We had an older man that lived near us. He'd chain smoke and lean against his gate daily. We would pass him on the school runs and he'd always say hello. Years later we walked by and he wasn't there. He'd died. When I tell you it impacted me, my children and everyone else. Can't tell you how much everyone missed his 'hello's'

There is an elderly man on our street who lives in a bungalow alone and does just this. We always speak and say hello when we walk past - by we I mean me and my my son. We even wave when we drive past in the car. There is a bench opposite his bungalow on a small patch of grass. Sometimes he sits there. When he sits there we also say hello if we walk past and wave when we drive past.

It is harmless polite social interaction. In the many years this has now gone on for it has never progressed further than a polite smile and a hello or a wave.

It’s well you don’t live in Northern Ireland 😂 everyone says hello to everyone!
Saying hello is mandatory here and can mean a further sentence about the weather☔️🌤️ but saying hello and then averting eye contact while quickly moving on will avoid any further unpleasantries. 😎

Sad day when you think someone saying hello on a regular basis indicates that they're mentally ill....
Just say hello back, but keep walking.
He may be lonely and looking to engage with someone. Why not. It's called community.