Old-ish man on the route to the Co-op who keeps saying hello

[RogueFemale]

I moved house last week and already have noticed this man. He lives on the short (7m) walking route to the local Co-Op. He's maybe mid 60s, tall, heavy build. He is always standing outside his front door, and he loudly says hello every time I go past. I ignore him.

I'm 60 and am used to being invisible.

So it's not a leering hello. I also thought maybe it was accidental he was standing outside before, or something, and just a cheery 'local' hello.

But I went past twice today (to Co-Op) and he was there both times, hello-ing, and I'm finding it quite weird, that he's always standing outside his front door.

I'm going to be going to the local Co-Op a lot, so what do I do?

AIBU to continue to ignore him and just doggedly go past for years pretending he's not there?

He really is not doing anything wrong by standing in his doorway looking out. He can do that all day if he wants to . Saying hello is also not an aggressive thing to do, he can say that all day too. None of that can hurt you either physically or even emotionally. He is doing absolutely nothing wrong.

That being said, you find his behaviour annoying or intrusive and your options are 1) put in headphones, head down ad you go past and ignore him. Even if he never stops, it will eventually become background noise. , 2) avoid passing his door if possible 3) Say a breezy hello as you pass and over time, it will just be a habit and part of your routine

I am not sure what else to suggest. I understand he makes you uncomfortable but unless he actually approaches you or threatens you or insults you, he is not.doing anything wrong and if he is mentally ill he may not pick up that he is making you uncomfortable by speaking to you.

I have just been out for a walk.
A lady was getting her wheelie bin in and she said hello to me.
A man was in his front garden and he said hello to me.
A lady, who every time I walk past, is sitting in her window, waved at me.
I have run home to hide in a cupboard and seriously considering dialling 999!

You clearly did not get any bad vibes from any of those people, @DBD1975 - and that is the difference between your experience and the OP’s.

Bad vibes?
People are sad, people are lonely, people look for connection, he was standing in his own doorway and said hello. If the world thought everyone who did so was giving off bad vibes where would we be and what constitutes bad vibes.
Maybe this resonates with me as I work in services and the level of prejudice, unkindness and disrespect is, in my opinion sad and unacceptable.
I will fight it on every level and wherever I see it and I make no apology for that.

I will fight it on every level and wherever I see it and I make no apology for that

What a bizarre thing to reply back

No-one is saying that everyone who is lonely is giving off bad vibes, @DBD1975 - the OP said that this particular individual made her feel uncomfortable, gave her bad vibes, and that’s why she didn’t want to respond to him.

I am sure many of us have had feelings of discomfort or bad vibes from someone else, at some point in our lives. I think these gut feelings are there to help us stay safe, and it is foolish to ignore them.

I am the sort of person who talks to strangers when I’m out and about, but if I felt uneasy about someone else, I wouldnt speak to them - if someone creeped you out, would you talk to them?

But you could also not gaslight a woman to doubt her own instincts. Women have our instincts for a reason. You're not there with her, she knows what she sees. In 2025, we are still minimising, invalidating and dismissing fellow womens experiences and instincts. Can we f*cking STOP doing that? Please?

Of course they wouldn’t but they just couldn’t resist the pile on on OP.

The OP thinks a man standing in his own doorway saying hello might be mentally ill, that is bizarre, that is prejudice.
How does the OP make that connection, how can the OP diagnose mental illness?
Someone who is mentally ill is not someone who is dangerous or to be avoided.
That is prejudice, that is bizarre and that is what I am calling out.

Some people with MH problems are dangerous and need to be avoided and your being ridiculous claiming their not 🤦‍♀️my ex is a violent schizophrenic and has been told by law he's too dangerous to be around me and my children.

You are being ridiculous. The OP isn't abusing him, isn't telling anyone else not to talk to him, she's quietly ignoring him and continuing on her journey. It's hardly prejudice to ignore someone who makes her feel uncomfortable

Edited to add.

His behaviour either points to a MH problem, he's either unaware the OP doesn't want to speak to him, so keeps trying ( shows somthing isn't ticking right because most people would stop trying ) or he's so friggin rude he doesn't care that the OP is clearly ignoring him and he's going to carry on...
. Both are odd behaviours and neither point to "normal" behaviour

I answered this in sympathy with you, but someone didn't like what I said and had it removed. It is such a shame when an op is set upon by the masses.

My brother has schizophrenia and when I say he has anger issues when he has a relapse I'm always told people with schizophrenia are no more violent than the rest of the population. Just because someone has a mental illness doesn't mean they are by default violent so I agree with the PP, despite my personal experiences.

His behaviour either points to a MH problem, he's either unaware the OP doesn't want to speak to him, so keeps trying ( shows somthing isn't ticking right because most people would stop trying ) or he's so friggin rude he doesn't care that the OP is clearly ignoring him and he's going to carry on...
. Both are odd behaviours and neither point to "normal" behaviour

Or he has dementia and he's simply forgotten.

You are prejudiced and biased because of your unfortunate experience with your ex, however, you just cannot see it and sadly, in view of your lack of knowledge and understanding, you never will.

It is I assume in broad daylight, the man is not invading her space, my issue is the prejudice and assumption he is mentally ill and, the further assumption, if he is mentally ill, he has to be dangerous. The level of ignorance, bias and prejudice in all of those assumptions is, in my opinion, unacceptable and needs to be challenged.
Here's the thing, if the OP feels uncomfortable, she can cross the road to avoid, it isn't difficult is it?

No, prejudiced and biased would be saying ALL people when I said SOME

But I can see your really intent on being a "right fighter"..... I'm embarrassed for you

I said some people not all so you've just proved what I'm saying by agreeing your schizophrenic brother can also be violent

Doesn't mean everyone with Mah problems is violent but jow anyone on here can say some arnt violent amd dangerous, is laughable

You need to watch The Mash Report, about the Northerner terrorising London commuters by saying "hello"!

https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=445889668539383&surface_type=vod&referral_source=vod_deeplink_unit

He’s lonely, wants to feel less isolated by being outside and says hello to have some micro interactions. For goodness sake, say hello. This post has blown my mind!

Or he’s lonely 🤷‍♀️

Mentally ill people can be very dangerous. Where on earth did you get the idea they can't be?

No, you are deeply ignorant and ill-informed of mental illness. Not all mentally ill people are dangerous, that's true. But some are. This is a well established common knowledge.

How long have you worked in mental health services?

How long have you worked in mental health services?

Blooming brilliant 👍.

She sees a man in his own doorway saying hello which she interpreted as someone with a mental illness who intends her harm.
I would imagine at worst he is probably lonely and wanting to connect with people.
If we all live in fear of someone who might dare to say hello to us we would never venture outside the front door.