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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To find my husband disgusting

210 replies

Pinktize · 12/09/2025 22:28

He turned 47 recently but I feel hes 80. He snores so much and he always sleeps on his back and when I gently push him he tells me to fuck off. He eats his food so fast he has to lie on the floor. He tells me long long stories about something from Tesco and I hate listening to him! He slurps yoghurt. Sometimes he has snot hanging from his nose. And I can hear his sneezes from anywhere in the house. I find myself trying to physically avoid him. When I see old couples around I think about it being us and I hate the idea of it being me and him.

I feel horrible. Hes not particularly nice but honestly the feelinh now is so physical. I feel really harsh. I wish it wasnt like this. We went to counselling and I obviously didnt say any of this but we talked about physical closeness and I was just screaming NOOOO in my head

I feel pretty horrible about it.

OP posts:
Plastictreees · 12/09/2025 22:29

Why are you still with him?

mumofoneAloneandwell · 12/09/2025 22:29

Yanbu

Marriage sounds like hell, honestly

What do you want? It sounds as though there are other issues and this is just the tip of the iceberg?

Can you tell him bluntly to fix his appearance? xx

Florally · 12/09/2025 22:30

um… you should probably not be together?

It sounds like you’re repulsed by him. What kind of life is that?

REDB99 · 12/09/2025 22:30

It sounds like you need to divorce him, from what you’ve described there’s little coming back from how you feel unless he changes.

Wednesdayonline · 12/09/2025 22:30

This really is the sort of thing that needed to be brought up in therapy. Why didn't you say anything then?

stayathomer · 12/09/2025 22:31

Neither of you deserve to live like that. There’s times now I think my dh is disappointed he’s married to me. It’s a horrible feeling and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. You also deserve to be happy.

BigFatBully · 12/09/2025 22:31

Pinktize · 12/09/2025 22:28

He turned 47 recently but I feel hes 80. He snores so much and he always sleeps on his back and when I gently push him he tells me to fuck off. He eats his food so fast he has to lie on the floor. He tells me long long stories about something from Tesco and I hate listening to him! He slurps yoghurt. Sometimes he has snot hanging from his nose. And I can hear his sneezes from anywhere in the house. I find myself trying to physically avoid him. When I see old couples around I think about it being us and I hate the idea of it being me and him.

I feel horrible. Hes not particularly nice but honestly the feelinh now is so physical. I feel really harsh. I wish it wasnt like this. We went to counselling and I obviously didnt say any of this but we talked about physical closeness and I was just screaming NOOOO in my head

I feel pretty horrible about it.

The most concerning parts for me are the fact that you don't like listening to him talking about his day and when you say he's not particularly nice.

I was going to come on this thread and say "it's just snoring" but the more I read, I think you two both know that the marriage is over. For both of your sakes, I think you should separate.

But I have one question, how did you marry him, knowing he slurps his yoghurt, snores etc?

Crikeyalmighty · 12/09/2025 22:33

Sorry OP , clearly you liked him at one point - you don’t know and hardly suprising - kinder to end it

EmeraldShamrock000 · 12/09/2025 22:34

Why are you staying with him, if you are repulsed by him.
He sounds awful.
Are you renting or home owners? Do you have options available to leave.

Vaxtable · 12/09/2025 22:36

So leave. You don’t have to put up with it

Lesina · 12/09/2025 22:38

He has snot hanging from his nose & slurps yoghurt? Has he had a stroke or is he just utterly grim?

EmeraldShamrock000 · 12/09/2025 22:40

He must feel your rage, if you have DC in the home, they'll be aware of your feelings too, it isn't fair to anyone.

BigFatBully · 12/09/2025 22:43

Why would someone be seen by others with snot hanging from one's nose? I know we are supposed to share intimate moments with our spouses but that is gross.

AnneLovesGilbert · 12/09/2025 22:44

Do you know why you haven’t divorced him? It’s not normal or healthy to live in seething resentment and revulsion at your husband. At one point you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him, what happened?

Charltonstrek · 12/09/2025 22:45

Sounds like other issues also at play
I mean if he was a great husband you may be able to see past the physical problems

Krakinou · 12/09/2025 22:46

YABU for staying with him if you despise him.

GreenCat12 · 12/09/2025 22:47

I'm guessing you're with him for the house/money or you'd have divorced him by now. I wouldn't stay married to someone like that, he'd drive me mad!

Pinktize · 12/09/2025 22:49

I dont despise him. But I dont fancy him obviously. Or respect him. And no it wasn't always like this. We have been together for a decade. A lot has changed. Do you think its possible to overcome these feelings ever? I did talk about our lack of physical disconnection in therapy but I didnt say I find him disgusting in lots of ways as that felt horribly cruel.

OP posts:
Plastictreees · 12/09/2025 22:50

I think if you don’t respect him then it’s game over.

MoFadaCromulent · 12/09/2025 22:52

Leave him then.

I couldn't be with someone who disgusted me and it would fucking break me to be with someone who was disgusted by me.

LillyPJ · 12/09/2025 22:53

Why are you staying with him? That sounds dreadful for a 47 year old.

Parky04 · 12/09/2025 22:54

EmeraldShamrock000 · 12/09/2025 22:34

Why are you staying with him, if you are repulsed by him.
He sounds awful.
Are you renting or home owners? Do you have options available to leave.

He does indeed sound awful. She sounds awful as well!

Pinktize · 12/09/2025 22:59

Why do I sound awful @Parky04 ?

OP posts:
CorbyTrouserPress · 12/09/2025 23:03

Please leave him, for both your sakes.

CoffeeLipstickKeys · 12/09/2025 23:03

You’re married to a man you loathe and his presence and physicality annoys you
So let the guy go. You move on. he move on. Get divorced