Teacher not saying hello

[Hc1984]

My son has just started reception it's literally day 4. He only turned 4 on the 26th of August so he's the youngest in his class. We had a meeting with his teacher and head teacher before we made the decision to send him or wait till next year. They were very supportive and said he was ready from what they can see. He went to nursery 3 days a week at the school.

So he started along with his friends from nursery. But he has been crying every morning. The teacher hasn't even said morning once. He is taken from my from the teaching assistant. I understand the main teacher is busy and there are lots of partners and children, but she know my son is the youngest, we were worried about him starting and she hasn't even made the effort.

Am I wrong for emailing the school.

You'd definitely be unreasonable to email the school but for all those posters saying teachers don't do that . At my daughter's school the class teachers stand at every class door and greet every child without fail. It was one of the first things my DH and noticed and commented on, that it made it feel so welcoming. There is another member of staff on every gate doing the same. You can't walk past an adult without them greeting you, it seems drilled into the ethos of the school. And this is just a normal state school. Basic manners you might say.

The first weeks in a reception class can be absolute carnage at drop off time. Depends on the class and also the layout of the building to a certain extent. Children have to work out the morning routine , worried parents everywhere. It can be a very difficult time for staff.
It's also why lots of schools like to do staggered starts . Equally hated by parents here!

Sorry you are getting some really harsh replies OP. I was a primary school teacher for over ten years before leaving to home educate my own. I don’t think you are being unreasonable. You are looking for a warm welcome and dont seem to be getting it. It’s right that the TA and teacher work together but the teacher can also spend a few mins here and there building bonds. Takes literally seconds to give good morning, a little wave, high five or a thumbs up to mum…

As an early years teacher myself (nursery now but years of reception behind me), I do my best to greet every child however, without fail, I always miss one or two sliding past me on the door when I’m speaking to other parents, children etc. I also have an amazing TA and we are a team. If I know a child is likely to have a tricky start to the day, I ask her to focus on that child and that does include doing handover with the caregiver.

The simple fact that your child has 1:1 attention from one of the only two adults available in the room means that the teacher has gone above and beyond in their assurances of support for him. That support is happening and if you go to the headteacher, that is what will be explained to you - that 50% of the workforce has been dedicated to a single child to help him have the best possible start to the day.

It’s a crazy time of year and both adults have to work together to create calm from chaos - it’ll calm down within the next few weeks, as everyone (teachers included) settle into new routines and relationships.

I assure you that the teacher’s personal good morning is happening ten minutes later during the register.

That's the thing. Most parents are keen to get their child straight into school full time these days, but with no understanding of why a few part time days are so beneficial for the children. You can't underestimate the importance of the children settling in in a smaller group. They get to come in, sharing the attention with approximately only 14 other children rather than 29 other children for a few days. They get to learn which door they go in, and where their peg and drawer are while things are a bit calmer and quieter. The teachers might actually be able to greet each child individually, because there are only half the children and therefore half the amount of distressed children to deal with at one time. By the time they're full time, most children will feel a bit more confident going in as they are familiar with the routine of where everything goes. It's makes jumping to 30 all in together go a lot smoother.

30 children entering a classroom for the first time at exactly the same time is the absolute definition of chaos, and yet the staff are still expected by some parents to greet every child individually as they walk through the door no matter how many children they're attempting to calm and sooth at the same time.

As a Reception teacher, I find some of these comments very disappointing as it just shows what a lack of understanding most people have of how manic those first few weeks are.

Once they are all settled and know where to put everything, I'm sure the teacher will be able to warmly greet each individual child as they go through the door. Right now though, that human being so many are criticising for failing to do the 'bare minimum' is likely just about keeping their own head above water, living day by day wondering if tomorrow's drop off will be better or worse than the previous one. Even Reception teachers who are very experienced at dealing with distressed new starters and their anxious parents find September drop offs incredibly difficult. You forget every year just how hard it is. Some people need to wake up and be a bit more realistic in their expectations.

I think I understand what you are saying. Your child is very unsettled when you leave him and you want the teacher make an eye contact and say hello to him so he feel it’s a friendly, safe place for him. Yes, ideally she should and it does not take 2 minutes, maybe a few seconds.

Yes but it’s one week of hassle for teachers but for kids starting school, it is a scary experience to be left alone. So being shown a friendly, welcoming gesture for a week until the kids get familiarise with new place should not be seen as a massive inconvenience.

Imagine, if it is this difficult for you, how hard it is for a child starting a school for the first time.

Nobody is saying it's an inconvenience, just explaining reasons why it may not be happening right now during that manic first week.

Quite, which is why I was explaining how staggered starts are designed to support the children. So many parents want a system which is convenient for them (understandable with work commitments). I'm just saying how that often comes at a cost as it makes those first drop offs all the more stressful, when the whole class are arriving at once not knowing what to do or where to put anything.

Wait until he starts secondary school. The teachers there are barely human.

Hi OP, I understand where you're coming from. Haven't read all so may have been suggested already, but why not get in there first & get your little one to say 'morning Miss....' to her or say it together, surely she can't ignore then.

My child's primary school, Headteacher was at the front gates greeting everyone, every morning, if not, it was the deputy.

Honestly it isn't personal. Focus on the positives for your son and avoid labelling him as young etc. Sounds like a strategic move by the teacher as if she stood at door she would have 30 parents wanting a chat and that would literally take over half an hour. No it isn't ideal that she isn't greeting each child but honestly it is wild at the start of reception and she is better utilised in the classroom settling the children. You don't know what else she is dealing with in the classroom and resources are so stretched. Please do not email the school.

Saying hello- yes absolutely ! My Ds's teachers always said hello- basic courtesy. 2 minutes 1:1 no. That would be the TA's job.

It's not that it's an inconvenience its that it's sometimes impossible. It's been explained many times. Two adults and 30 uncertain/ crying/ frightened / refusing to go in / trying to get back out 4 year olds . Your hands are absolutely full, your brain is on overdrive, you need your wits about you every second.
Now say hello to every parent and spend two minutes with them.
It will settle down and as they learn the routine I'm sure the teacher will say hello as you come through the door.

Didn't know it was pandering to say hello?
I must pander all day long then.

OP, YANBU

Only takes a millionth of a second to say hello and would be welcoming to all children, not just yours.

Strange teacher and strange posters on this thread!

I think that's unfair.
From my experience (although 15 years ago now) some teachers were a bit icky but most were lovely.

A cheery Hello takes a millionth of a second.

Manners cost nothing. She's actually teaching the children to be rude.

Why?
Were you expected to smile and say hello too?

Seems unfair, and certainly not our experience. The kids have some great teachers at secondary (plus there is the bonus that if one is a bit crap, they have many others. In primary of you don't get on with your class teacher/ they're a bit rubbish, it's just tough).

Your child is now one of a very big class. There is 1 teacher. reception is a rude awakening and it's not like pre school.
Don't be 'that parent'. Honestly you raise this and you will be the joke of the staff room.

So what happens to other 29 children while the teacher and TA concentrate on OPs son?

@Petitchat a cheery hallo to each of 30 children? Making sure to give a beaming smile and make lingering eye contact. 🤦‍♀️
The teacher is trying to get everyone inside safely and with the minimum of fuss. A calm start to the day.
OP needs to understand that a teacher of 30 can’t give her beloved first born the same attention that she can at home when it’s one on one. It’s not rude.

Your son gets attention straight away from the teaching assistant, most of the children in his class don't get that. The teacher will be talking to other parents who also have concerns. Your son being you youngest doesn't
automatically mean you get more attention, others in the class will be struggling, your son is not unique. It's also day 4, for everyone, not just you, everyone is settling in.

I have worked in many school settings and have worked as a TA in reception. If a child was crying and getting upset then I was the one to deal with the situation not the teacher. I have had to carry kids kicking and screaming in to the class room before, while the teacher settles the rest of the class for the day. An upset child can quickly cause the rest of the class to get upset so the teacher needs to make sure the rest are settled, otherwise they could easily end up with 30 kids crying and trying to get back out the door to the parent/carer who dropped them off.

Usually once the child has calmed down the teacher will check in to see if they are ok with the TA or by seeing how they are during what activity is planned. The teacher will not mention the upset at drop off to the child as they don’t want the child to either get upset again or to draw attention to it.

I know it can be distressing as a parent to see this as I had the same problem with mine when they started reception.