Teacher not saying hello

[Hc1984]

My son has just started reception it's literally day 4. He only turned 4 on the 26th of August so he's the youngest in his class. We had a meeting with his teacher and head teacher before we made the decision to send him or wait till next year. They were very supportive and said he was ready from what they can see. He went to nursery 3 days a week at the school.

So he started along with his friends from nursery. But he has been crying every morning. The teacher hasn't even said morning once. He is taken from my from the teaching assistant. I understand the main teacher is busy and there are lots of partners and children, but she know my son is the youngest, we were worried about him starting and she hasn't even made the effort.

Am I wrong for emailing the school.

We all know she just means with her special little prince… 🙄

just chatting to eachother!
They might be sorting out something important.

And you absolutely cannot know that there is no sen in that class unless you are the parent of all 30 of them. Encourage him to go in with the TA, (who can't be taking them all in 1:1 so it sounds like they, as a team, do have a good plan specifically for your child) and maybe he can take in a book to give to the teacher for story time or something to show them like a picture, if you think he needs a prompt to help him. I had a very shy wee boy whose parents gave him his under the sea book and I made a big show of looking at it with him in the classroom (and encouraging others over to look with us). He was delighted to know I liked the sea too and throughout the year loved coming to school to tell me shark facts. The register in class went, "Good morning X " "morning miss gofaster and also did you know basking sharks look scary but they actually only eat plankton"

OP it would be nice if the teacher gave him a warm look and a smile when she saw him, especially if he looks distressed. That would cost nothing in time and effort. But I wouldn’t complain as the teacher will judge you. I get it though, and I hope he settles soon as it is hard to see your children looking sad. At least there is an empathic and kind TA.

You know the health status of all children, that none have any potential SEND, that none are Looked After or adopted from care, that none have safeguarding concerns, that none have experienced any adverse childhood experiences at all, that all of them are in secure accommodation with zero financial, health or social pressures and all the health/SEND of all of their siblings, half siblings, parents and other significant family members?

How exactly are you achieving that level of knowledge?

I sort of agree with you OP - especially for a child coming in from nursery. They are quite overblown with the greetings for small children so maybe your son is expecting the same enthusiasm and doesn't understand why it isn't coming. Unless teacher is greeting everyone but him, I would just have a gentle word that the teacher is very busy in the morning but the TA is the one to go to greet.

I have just read the thread. It is possible to get the point across without being mean and mocking. There is a stressed and worried mum posting this. Yes, she might need a reality check and advice not to complain. Why the need to be so unpleasant and nasty and make comments about ‘little prince’ etc. It’s just so predictable and unnecessary.

I would find this hard too.

My son is also 4 and has just started in Reception. Senior leadership stand on the playground and greet everyone warmly by name as all go in, then we line up at the Reception door and the teacher (the actual teacher not the TA) opens the doors and welcomes in each child invidually. The TA greets them once they've gone in.

Some children, like my son, go straight in without a look back, others need a little bit of comfort and reassurance. I thunk it's wonderful the teacher does it.

I hope you can resolve it - maybe a quick conversation to say your son is struggling a bit at drop off and is there anything you can do.

Ignore the unkind posters. There's a lot of grumpy, critical, odd people on here!

OO, if you're worried just have a casual word with the teacher.
It's the emailing that's OTT

Or maybe mum's not ready?
I mean that in a nice way....

No, there isn't really. There are very experienced parents and some obviously fantastic teachers posting. Someone who presents a different point of view, or refers to their expertise is hardly "grumpy" or "odd".

If what's been promised doesn't happen, then are perfectly reasonable in following up. Maybe try softly softly approach first.....
Maybe give it a few weeks and if your son isn't happy, reaccess him staying in reception this year.
I have an August born and a September born so have experienced both sides! August born went straight into Y1 at just turned 5, which was brilliant for her. My September born went into reception but with mixed success, as the teacher couldn't support his academic abilities......it was addressed and he stayed but had it not been, we would have pulled him out.

My birthday is 26th August, sorry but I think you’re being a bit silly all round. If you relax so will your son. These early school days are to be enjoyed they pass so fast, drop your shoulders and find your positive vibes next school drop off.

I highly doubt that. At present, most primary classes have ~40% SEN. The teacher actually knows the stats on her class. You don't. The TA is looking after your DS. He is getting extra support that was promised...from the TA.

So glad I am no longer teaching!

That is really unkind.

To your child, the TA is the teacher.

You see a few minutes in a morning, once everyone is settled how do you know the teacher doesn’t check in with children (not just yours) or maybe she keeps an eye on the ones who were upset at drop off. The TA is the one taking your son so he isn’t being fully ignored, they will of done this several times before and know what they’re doing. If the teacher is stood at the door greeting everyone it’s probably best she doesn’t interact much with your child whilst the TA is taking him in, that would slow him down, best to get him in the class and settled as soon as possible

Spend 2 minutes one on one...! So for the average class of 30 pupils, she spends an hour faffing at the door. Honestly, it sounds as though he is probably too young - is deferring a year an option?

I was briefly a TA and in reception they tend to be with the kids more, with the teacher taking groups aside from their learning through play or free play to do lessons and of course class carpet time. My teacher used to ask for info on the kids for parents evening as she simply didn't have time to know them on the caring one to one level I and the other TA did. I had a little girl who was youngest (who I still think about a decade later!) who cried at every drop off and I'd always be the one to greet and comfort her, her mum was so sweet and grateful and when I left they gave me lovely thoughtful gifts.

Honestly the TAs do so much with the lottle ones in reception and the whole class staff with the teacher is such a team at that stage particularly that I wouldn't worry, the teacher will have her eye on them during the day but in the morning they're so busy that the TAs will inevitably be the first friendly face of the day and that's ok as long as someone is comforting the kiddo.

They can't spend 2 minutes one-to-one with pupils. There isn't time. Most children will have a story or special reason they could do with extra attention.

OP why ask for opinions when over 95% of people have said you are wrong.

Did you ever think she is focusing on every child not just your child who is having 1-1 with the TA at this point.? Getting involved with your child then means that 29 other kids aren’t being paid attention to, or checked in or lined up etc. A lot of kids are summer babies - if you made the decision for you kid to go you can’t expect special treatment just because he is a few months younger potentially than other kids.

You have blown this out of all proportion. Your entitlement is huge. You have been that parent.

The thing is op, the teacher is there to direct the class and facilitate learning. They are not there to baby your child and pander to every child’s normal emotional wobbles.

It sounds harsh but actually being treated like this means he will have to engage an element of self reliance which will toughen him up and build his resilience. He needs this in order to cope with school and life. And the sooner you encourage him and jolly him along to get on with it, the better.

It’s understandable that as a mother you feel upset for him, but you have to have perspective. It’s a rite of passage for all children - I remember crying at school as a 5 year old, I was totally bewildered and lonely. But he’ll get over it, and he’ll be fine.

You are being very unreasonable.

Those who have never worked in Reception have no idea how chaotic mornings can be when you have several anxious/upset children (not to mention their anxious parents to deal with). I would say the fact the TA is making a beeline for your child suggests that they (as in the Reception team, not just the TA) are very much being considerate of his needs. I imagine it was something they discussed before the children started and the TA has been delegated the role of greeting your son. There is no need for both to greet him (it's actually better for him that it's the same face each morning).

I'm assuming the teacher obviously talks to him inside, or will say a general good morning to everyone they missed coming past them while they busy greeting others. Please don't take offence that they don't appear to say good morning to him on the door. They're so busy seeing to other people, safe in the knowledge your son is ok with the TA. Cut them some slack. It's not easy settling 30 4 year olds into a new setting.

I thought netmums was a supportive group I just feel even more like crap

It's not netmums. Like, at all. Please, don't email. That's an overreaction.

There are 30 children. If she spends 2 minutes with each one, that's the first hour of the day over. Is waiting around for 58 minutes whilst the teacher is busy having 1-2-1 time with 29 other children a good use of your child's time at school?