Teacher not saying hello

[Hc1984]

My son has just started reception it's literally day 4. He only turned 4 on the 26th of August so he's the youngest in his class. We had a meeting with his teacher and head teacher before we made the decision to send him or wait till next year. They were very supportive and said he was ready from what they can see. He went to nursery 3 days a week at the school.

So he started along with his friends from nursery. But he has been crying every morning. The teacher hasn't even said morning once. He is taken from my from the teaching assistant. I understand the main teacher is busy and there are lots of partners and children, but she know my son is the youngest, we were worried about him starting and she hasn't even made the effort.

Am I wrong for emailing the school.

My son is also one of the youngest and tiniest in his class. When he was in reception last year we were concerned but he settled very well as his class teacher was absolutely amazing. She would stand at the door and welcome each child wishing them Good morning as they came in. Made a world of difference. So I get what you are saying. Though I am not sure I would complain if my son was getting attention from the TA as atleast he was being taken care of. Try not to worry too much. He will settle down soon.

Surely you understand that the teacher can't spend an hour saying hello for teo minutes to each member of the class?! That's just not how the school day works, I'm afraid. The teacher and TA will be interacting with the children all day.

@KatyaKanani I think it's obvious I'm not referring to posters who helpfully and kindly responded with their expertise.

She’ll be wanting the red carpet rolled out next!

I don’t understand. Is the teacher there or is it the teaching assistant greeting him? You say the TA takes him off you so is it the TA or the teacher? If you want the TA and the teacher to be present who is greeting the other children?

it will be a massive change for you both. I completely understand and it’s very upsetting to see your child upset.

Could he go a little earlier like 5 min to be at the front of the queue so less time for anxiety to build up waiting?

this will get better

When my Reception class started on Monday I must have appeared a terrible teacher for not individually greeting some of the children while I was busy peeling other children off of their grown ups and desperately trying to block the door from another child trying to escape. Some children snuck in without me even noticing them to begin with (personally, my TA was in the cloakroom greeting everyone so will have greeted on my behalf).

It's an incredibly stressful time of year for teachers/TAs as well as children/parents. Yes, in an ideal world I great everyone with a breezy smile. The first few weeks in Reception isn't 'an ideal world'. I would be mortified if a parent criticised me on Mumsnet for not saying hello at the door to their child, who is safe with the TA, while I'm being hit by another child who is experiencing their own stressful separation from mum. Things settle down and I'll hopefully get back to my cheery "good morning" to everyone soon. For now, unfortunately, the "good morning" has to wait for some until we're all safely in the door and things are a bit calmer.

Ok. Perhaps you should have added that caveat. It did seem like you were being critical of everyone posting.

OP I can't believe that so many people find it unreasonable to expect a "Good morning Tommy!" and a smile from the teacher. It literally takes 3 seconds! Obviously she doesn't have time for a 2 minute greeting, but I'm sure it would make a huge difference to a little boy who may be feeling anxious about going in/ his Mum leaving.
The first few days can be tough on both of you, but he'll be fine soon.
Big hug 🫂

In a class of 30 the teacher has to deal with the majority and the TAs will assist those who need more 1:1 support.

Sounds like you have a set up whereby they understand your ds is anxious and so have provided him that 1:1.

If he went into Nursery fine I’m wondering if he’s picking up on your anxiety about him going in?

Talk to him about how TA will meet him, what can he tell her this morning? How about telling her what a grown up hit you were last night when you did …..

I have worked in schools and nurseries. If a child is upset on entering, it’s really important not to make a big deal out of it. The TA will be reassuring and distracting him, so the teacher needs to step back until he is ready. She probably interacts with him wonderfully once he’s settled!

What did the email say they'd do to support him and you? If you speak to the teacher you should reference what was actually agreed, and ask her how those things are going. How the school deliver the support that was agreed and what you think it should look like may be two different things. They may be doing lots of other things while you're focusing on just this one.

You posted on mumsnet, not aww hun you are totally right about everything netmums

The first few weeks in Reception are crazy on the door. Anxious children, anxious parents, parents with lots of questions. With 30 children arriving at once, it's impossible to greet everyone individually while they're all piling in together and some are understandably distressed.

So many teachers on here polishing their halo claiming that they always greet every single child individually. Well how many of you have taught Reception in the first few weeks of September? It's much easier to do individual hellos when everyone is coming in knowing where to put all their belongings etc. Reception children need a lot of support initially. If a TA is already taking care of a child, the teacher won't have time to interact with that child too as they're too busy helping someone else. Once everything settles it's a different story. I totally agree it's important for all children to be greeted with a smile and a "good morning" where possible. In the first few weeks it's definitely unreasonable to expect the teacher to be in a position to do that. Fortunately, the TA makes up for it by greeting and assisting with the other children.

If this child was left alone to settle I could completely understand the uproar but the TA (who is just as much a valued member of staff in that classroom as the teacher) is greeting him. His needs are catered for. I have no doubt at all that that teacher says hello to him in the classroom once the door is closed.

Please don't do that in an attempt to force a response! Its passive aggressive and will make the OP sound like an arsehole, and it's likely to confuse the kid who is already upset and crying (and possibly embarrass the child about his mums weird behaviour).

It may make the child notice that the teacher isn't giving him as much attention as mum thinks they should, and consequently make him more anxious.

As others have said, it's probably calculated 'ignoring' on teachers part so as to allow the child to calm down without more attention fanning the flames of his upset.

OP it sounds like your idea of 'support' and the teachers idea of 'support' may not be aligned. If you persist in feeling unsupported it might be worth raising that at a more quiet time and asking what the support is that they have put in place. Its OK to say you are anxious, they will understand. But don't blame them, that won't help.

On my first day at school over 60 years ago, the teacher said hello to me. I'll always remember it. I'd missed the first term because I'd been ill with whooping cough, so when my Mum took me to the classroom I started crying, I didn't know anyone, and everyone else seemed to know what to do.

The teacher took my hand, smiled and said 'don't worry Amy's Mum, we'll look after her'.

After my Mum left the teacher turned to me and said 'now you'll find out what happens to silly little girls who cry'. She made me stand on a chair in front of the class and she whacked the back of my legs with a yardstick. I never told my parents because I thought must have been naughty and would get into trouble.

Judge people by their actions and don't get too hung up on whether they say hello or not. If the teacher is generally kind and teaches your son well then she's doing a decent job. The TA will greet him and settle him, while the teacher is organizing the class and getting all the children ready to start the day. , She will most likely say good morning lovely to see you all when she has all the children gathered together sitting on the carpet or at their tables.

"Polishing my halo" for saying hello to my class 🧐 alright... it's the bare minimum, to be honest. All of my own children's teachers have greeted them in reception so I'm not buying that one either. People are just taking the opportunity to sneer at a worried mum. I would want to know how she's feeling so I could support her and her child.
OP I hope he settles down soon for you

You seem to be making an overly big deal that your son is young for his class. There may be others just as young for all you knowafter all, there is cut off date and kids will hit it. You seem to expect a lot of special treatment and attentioncertainly more than they want or can give. If you email, it will NOT go well.

If you complain already, you are going to set the scene for the rest of the year. Look for the positives, not the negatives. They have already had a meeting with you, which most parents do not request. Maybe the teacher is trying to avoid you, not your child!

@katyakanani It's clear I didn't mean all posters. I specifically said, the unkind posters.

I'm not sure why you're picking on my post which was supportive of the clearly upset OP, instead of all the unpleasant posts on this thread!

Absolutely not. But for example, I knew that one child had been up all night with the police so, no I wasnt able to spend time with the wee kid who didnt want to leave mum that day despite me knowing he would be fine in 4 minutes. He had to make do with the Absolutely lovely classroom assistant while I dealt with something more serious than missing his mum for 6 hours. Op you could always ask for a fist bump as he walks past but no chat. The teacher is working their time as best as they can.

And I bet the op is one of them! I don’t think you’ll take note of the majority of the views on here.

And OP, I totally understand why it is upsetting. As an infant teacher I see the tears in the playground then 3 minutes later theyre in charge of the marble run or the lego town! I think I am a good teacher and I swear I dont think this is something to worry about and mean this in the most kindest way! Id be scared too and I cant believe they can go to school so small in England. But you are his biggest cheerleader and just keep telling him he's okay and it will be fine.

Yes perhaps. From my own experience of which of course I can only speak, that's not what it looked like to me, but as I say a rare occurrence at my child's school so I can let it slide within the context of how good the school is overall

That bare minimum can easily be achieved inside the classroom, 5 minutes later, once everyone is in safely if it was not possible beforehand. Just because a child (who has already been greeted by the TA) is not also greeted by the teacher outside, does not mean it's not happening in case once things are a bit calmer.

Clearly you didn't bother to read the rest of my post to attempt to understand why it might not be possible for the child's Reception teacher to give each child an individual greeting on the first day/week. If your child's teacher managed it, they were fortunate to have an easy class who weren't screaming blue murder and beating them black and blue at the same time other children were arriving. Teachers are human (unless you are not?). Go and give that halo an extra polish tonight.

This is where you lost me. I’m a teacher of that age group and I can assure you 100% that there are definitely children needing extra care and support, we just don’t advertise it at the gate. Being the only outwardly tearful child doesn’t make your child more of a priority, many children will be struggling just as much inside. TA support is more than appropriate in the circumstances.