Teacher not saying hello

[Hc1984]

My son has just started reception it's literally day 4. He only turned 4 on the 26th of August so he's the youngest in his class. We had a meeting with his teacher and head teacher before we made the decision to send him or wait till next year. They were very supportive and said he was ready from what they can see. He went to nursery 3 days a week at the school.

So he started along with his friends from nursery. But he has been crying every morning. The teacher hasn't even said morning once. He is taken from my from the teaching assistant. I understand the main teacher is busy and there are lots of partners and children, but she know my son is the youngest, we were worried about him starting and she hasn't even made the effort.

Am I wrong for emailing the school.

OP you need to realise that while your son is with the TA she won't be saying hello to every other kid. Are the other parents upset about that? It works both ways. If the TA is spending all this time settling one child then the other parents will start to notice. Its not just about your kid. Just be grateful your child is getting attention. Also the age thing gets my goat. It's not just the youngest in the class that needs settling, it's ALL the children. All of them are still very young and its the first time in reception for ALL of them.

Agree OP about the greeting. My DC is a toddler and at drop off responds so happily and we both have a positive drop-off experience when there are cheery hellos. In the past when DC was smaller, we had to deal with one of the staff members who was standoffish and unpleasant to talk to.

Thankfully that didn’t last forever and when DC was older, the class moved to a different set of staff who communicated with energy and enthusiasm for the kids.

I think if you had written your post in a different way and mentioned the actual reason you feel upset you would have gotten different responses. Just look at your post title and all the lol-ing and haha-ing. You did not come across very well. That said I do have all the sympathy for what you are describing. It’s a stressful time for everyone. Personally I would be reassessing if your end of August born child should really be in school at just turned 4 when you have other options. It’s not about being the youngest in the class. It’s about being only 4 years old. It’s an unpopular opinion on Mumsnet but I would be looking at removing him and starting again next year when he’s older and more mature. You have until October to make a decision.

It sounds like YOU want special treatment for your child simply because he is the youngest.

Of course there will be other children in the class that need special treatment - maybe for one child it's the first school setting having never been to pre school / nursery before, there is very likely SEN children in the class both diagnosed and un diagnosed and so on and so forth.

Don't be so silly!

I really don't think the staff room will be interested in a mother asking for a warmer welcome for her anxious 4 year old.

And it certainly doesn't make her "that parent". It makes OP look like a caring mum.
Your post makes you look petty!

Assuming the teacher is not singling ONE child out to not say hello, why is OP's child special (to anyone except her).
The other parents aren't complaining and lining up to make a complaint or comment about this. But then there is always one isn't there.
The teacher has a job to do and it involves 30+ kids. She cannot be pandering to one over sensitive child (and parent). School has been back a week. Let's not go making a fool of ourselves yet.

My sentiments exactly...

The fact that some parents on here don't seem to understand this or empathise, feels a bit unusual.

My children are grown now so maybe that's how it is nowadays, but not very pleasant.
Friendly manners cost nothing and takes a fraction of a second.

Your right op. She should say hello, especially if he is looking at her and expecting a greeting. It's worse if he says hi and she doesn't say goodbye back as we're modeling replying if someone says hi.

I'm very confused. Did you mean you quote my reply? Nowhere in any of my replies have I suggested that I think saying good morning to children is pandering to them. You've either quoted the wrong post, or you have totally misinterpreted my comments. In no way do I feel that greeting children is pandering to them or their parents. 🤷‍♀️

It does only take a short amount of time to say good morning to someone, yes. This isn't about someone not having time though, it's about understanding that this teacher is spinning a million and one other plates right now at every drop off.

Imagine your own child is having a meltdown in public and you are trying to calm them. Now imagine someone else walking past and thinking it's rude that you didn't say good morning to them whilst you were busy dealing with your child. Now times one distressed child by 3, and add in another few who are all wanting help finding their peg, taking their coat off etc. It's totally understandable why some children are missed being greeted with a cheery good morning when all of that is going on. Especially if you know that one of those children is safe with the TA, who will have already said good morning to them. The first thing that will happen once that door is closed is the teacher will say "good morning everyone". They're not some sort of uncaring monster if they miss the opportunity to say it on the door too right now, because they're distracted by other things. A bit of a reality check is needed here.

To OP, her child is the most precious thing in the world. To the teacher and TA, they are one of 30 and they are trying to give their best to them all. OP's child is getting the TA all to themselves first thing in the morning, and still that's not enough for some people?

Apologies, I have quoted the wrong post.
Tried to find it again to show you but I think it's been deleted.

My mistake, sorry again.

I haven't read the whole thread but most people seem to be scathing. I think it's pretty important for a child to feel acknowledged and welcomed. It takes two seconds to say 'hello/ good morning x'. At my school all the teachers say hello to their children as they come in - up to year 6.

No worries

And the child has been acknowledged, by the TA.

What a nasty ignorant response.
Being the youngest is a huge issue.
The youngest children in all of my childrens class ALL struggled.
In the classes there was at least a 12-14 month difference between the youngest and oldest.
A massive difference.
I sent my children at 5+ for this reason.
The difference I could see in my children between 4 and 5 was huge.
Most parents know this.

OP, if they don't have time to help settle very young children then maybe it isn't in his best interests to be there.

I have seen issues persist all the way up, particularly if the children were quiet and gentle, maybe the eldest in the family.

Good luck.

What do you want from the post? You ask opinions then complain when they don’t support your view that you’re not going to change your mind on.

The teacher has a million things to think about and do each day. The TA is providing the support you want and are whining about yet it’s still not good enough.

Most parents have a million things to think about but manage to say hello to people.

I don't view OP's posts as "whining" but simply concern, with quite good reason.

Yes, the TA is providing the support but a welcoming hello from the Head as the kids pass by her, would be beneficial to all.

I am a teacher. Currently not in eyfs but I have worked a lot in eyfs and have managed eyfs as a lead teacher. It is vital that all staff in a class say hello to every child in a morning individually- not "good morning class" but "morning Bob, morning jane" etc. We do this in all of our classes through school. Children need to feel welcomed. I could understand if she had been looking the other way one morning or genuinely forgot but not every morning. I'd maybe have a quiet word or an email as in "i really appreciate mrs TA taking time with joe in the morning. Apologies if I have misunderstood but from my perception, mrs teacher has not said hello to joe as he walks in and she has said it to all the other children. I would appreciate it if mrs teacher could also greet joe, even though he is with/supported by mr ta as I think this would help"

Most parents don't have 30 kids and parents every morning which they need to get into class in a 5-10 minute window .

All my children were so lucky in the early years that their teachers were so bright and chirpy in the morning.
I remarked upon it to each of them and told them how the other parents had also noted how warm and welcoming they were day in and day out, how much it was appreciated, and the difference it made to the children.
My boys went straight into "truck time" for 45 minutes in the morning. They played with an incredible collection of trucks and diggers. The teacher said it was her way of easing them into school.

In my girls classes in the first year I recall a line used to form to "speak to teacher" with their overnight news.
News like, my cat did this, I drew a picture, I fell and cut my knee.

My girls never did it, but I distinctly remember thinking how incredibly patient they were to listen to maybe 15-20 of these stories every morning.

Reception teachers are incredible.
The difference in the children between September and june is amazing.
No wonder my children have such positive school memories with teachers like this.

And how long does hello take as they all walk past her? She's standing there anyway so she can literally just open and closes her mouth.

I'm a teacher. We often ask a TA to look after and greet upset children to leave us free to sort the rest. It also benefits that child because they get 1:1 attention without us being interrupted.
By the way, just because you don't see any other additional needs or children being upset, doesn't mean there aren't any.

I think the teacher is just standing there without speaking and all the children file past her.

OP was hoping for a nice "hello" for her upset son, which seems more than reasonable to me.

But other posters are suggesting she spends 2 to 5 minutes greeting each child (or maybe just OPs child). That's not practical.
Most teachers say good morning to each child while they do the register, how many times a day do they really need to say it?
Having more than one adult (TA) fussing around an upset child is likely to make the child more upset and make mornings even more stressful.

I think OP was suggesting a 1 to 1 for 2 minutes for just a few days, whilst settling in.

I'm not sure if she meant first thing at the door which I agree with you, can't be done.
Could be done later in the day of course, and maybe already is?

The teacher will be dealing with a child who carnt find their peg. Questions from a parent etc. they don't just stand there untill every child is class.