Teacher not saying hello

[Hc1984]

My son has just started reception it's literally day 4. He only turned 4 on the 26th of August so he's the youngest in his class. We had a meeting with his teacher and head teacher before we made the decision to send him or wait till next year. They were very supportive and said he was ready from what they can see. He went to nursery 3 days a week at the school.

So he started along with his friends from nursery. But he has been crying every morning. The teacher hasn't even said morning once. He is taken from my from the teaching assistant. I understand the main teacher is busy and there are lots of partners and children, but she know my son is the youngest, we were worried about him starting and she hasn't even made the effort.

Am I wrong for emailing the school.

All of this. Good post.

I think the OP is being given a hard time on here. If the teacher is standing at the classroom door as the children are filing in then it is rude of her not to say hello.

Personally it is a parent like you makes me glad I am not a teacher. No doubt the teacher has to be checking on 30 odd little darlings and cannot be expected to greet each child. It is a busy time for teachers maybe cut the teacher some slack. You sound entitled to be truthful.

It sounds to me as if the teacher has the job of greeting and getting the class sorted, and the TA has the specific job of giving your son attention so they make sure he is supported. Would be nice for her to say hello but she's probably mentally checked him off as being helped into the classroom by the TA

I’m in 2 minds on this one. We’re told to greet kids at the door (secondary), but it’s often pretty generic eg ‘Morning, Year 8, check where you sit on the seating plan, in you go’ big smile etc. Emailing the school is a bit much, why not just talk to the TA or teacher? Is the teacher deliberately glossing over any greeting in case it makes your ds more upset? Sometimes, it’s best not to speak to or even look at an upset child, it makes them worse, bless them!

If you are that anxious, perhaps home school. You will forever find something to grip about.

Mines the oldest in the class, she’ll be 5 in a few days. She is wobbly at the moment. You assume your youngest should take priority over my eldest?

Actually I disagree.

Every Reception teacher I've known has made a point of saying good morning to every child. Either from the door or when they go in the classroom

Here's some simple maths:
2 X 30 = 60
That's right, 2 mins with each of 30 kids is 1 hour.
If the teacher starts letting kids in when school starts, and spends up to 2 minutes settling each one in it will take her one hour. If you want to be hanging around for up to 1 hour waiting while the teacher is welcoming each kid, suggest it to her, otherwise count your son extremely lucky that there is a TA welcoming him and staying with him if needed, and move on!

Are you able to defer? They can start reception a year later now if summer born. I can’t see any reason not to defer. You are obviously hyper conscious of him being younger. It’s also rubbish at sixth form end not being able to go out and celebrate with rest of class.

When the teacher is at the door she will be clocking who is coming in and making sure no children are walking back out again the teacher will say hello when they are all together, for you it is best leaving your child straight away and don't hang around it makes things worse for them.

My kids have now left school. I have seen every kind of teacher. The ones who seem to view children as an inconvenience, and the ones who are effusive and warm, and act like seeing each child has made their day! And obviously every kind of teacher in between. I do believe this is due to an individual teacher’s personality rather than anything to do with time or logistics.

I understand it's upsetting. My 3 have all gone through quite upsetting phases of school refusal- the oldest just crying and had to be guided in, the younger two to the point I was chasing them about the playground, teachers helping carry them in. It was always the assistants or senior staff that dealt with it, I barely saw their class teachers in the morning and mainly see them at pick up.

Im sure the teacher greets the class when they're all in and maybe she feels staying back a bit and being calm helps the situation?

you’re understandably worried about your child starting school so young as I would be too, the extra support and encouragement you had before he started now looks like it’s not there when he’s walking into school so I understand how you feel. I’ve got three and my youngest has just started she’s really struggled and cries every morning so I do appreciate it when the teacher acknowledges she needs a little extra help in the mornings.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable wanting the teacher to say hello to your son when he’s looking at her at all.

i wouldn’t email in and as long as the TA is taking good care of him and he’s happy to go in I think just leave it at that

I always stood at the door and tried to say a general hello, passing any children who were upset onto the TA .
At this time in the term the teacher is also guarding the door for any 'bolters'. She has to be pretty alert. She cannot possibly stop to talk to any one parent. That would distract her. I expect when the door closes and they are all safely in she then turns her attention to upset children.

I've never known teachers to say, "Hullo", to every child. They usually wait until all are in and then greet the class.

Your little boy is just taking a bit of time to settle down, it is very early days for him and not at all unusual. He will be fine soon and sail in chatting to other childen, not bothered about the teacher. Bless him.

I teach and tbf I would not ignore a crying child coming into school.. EVER… even if my TA was dealing with it.

I think it’s easy to leap to teachers defence but if we actually think about whether we’d do the same we wouldn’t.

I’m not sure I’d email the head @Hc1984 but I would ask to chat to the teacher to see if there was more you could both do to aide transition.

Oh FFS....

Many children struggle with getting into school in the morning, and a cheery ‘hello’ doesn’t usually help. Often the best thing is just to get them in with as little fuss as possible, because once the transition is over, and the parents have left, they usually settle. But making a big deal of the hellos and goodbyes every morning can make things worse .

I understand you are anxious, but I’m afraid YABU. It sounds like the teacher and the TA split the "welcoming" between them - one of them focuses on your son and the other has to focus on all the other children in the class! So he is already getting a good deal.

Just because he happens to be the youngest, that doesn’t necessarily mean he is the most in need of support. If you keep banging on about him being the youngest you will look daft - I’m sure there are other children only a few weeks older than him.

How do you know what happens when you’ve left? For all you know, she spends some 1:1 time with him at another point in the day. But if the first greeting is so important to you, how about you leading your DS up to the teacher and saying brightly "Let’s say good morning to Miss Jones!" Or if you really think it would make a difference to him (to him, not you), just explain that to the TA and ask if she can take him to go and say hello to the teacher.

This.

I'm a bit confused by the responses, OP. As a teacher of slightly older children I still greet them each morning and especially at this time of year, I check in with the ones having a bit of a wobbly start. Even just a quick "How was football club last night?" helps them to know you're interested in them and you start to build a rapport.
I'm not sure how an email would be received though. Could you perhaps ask for a quick meeting to discuss your concerns face to face or even a phonecall. I find that tends to go better than trying to read each other's tone via email.

I think the teacher should be smiling and greeting EVERYONE with a hello.

At Gdcs’ school the class teacher is always there at the door to say hello to each child as they arrive. TBH I’d have thought this was pretty normal.

Does he say Hello to the teacher ? If not, tell him to.