Insecure women force men to lie

[Harrypitty]

My girlfriend is very insecure, I love her and support her in this the best I can. For info I have no history of cheating/lieing etc

however it’s really hard to tell the truth to an insecure woman as they ask what I consider to be stupid questions they don’t really want the answer to and will only fuel their insecurity.

I have dozens of examples but heres the latest.

my ex-wife ( of 5 years who I rarely speak to but am on reasonable good terms with, Who also lives with my grown up children), asks to borrow some party decorations I have in my loft.
I don’t have an issue with this but if I mention it to my girlfriend all hell will break loose. If I say no then my kids will call up saying I’m being selfish as it’s their party too etc.
so now I have to lie to my girlfriend and sneak the box’s over there when she’s not around.

now you may say” just tell her”, I can assure you beyond any doubt that this will cause a massive row where I will be accused of 1/ loving her more then me, 2/always (!) doing things for her 3/ will probably shag her when I’m there. Etc etc

i guess this the curse of having an insecure girlfriend (who I’ve finally convinced into counselling).

anyway I don’t know why I’m posting other than to say to all you lovely women that you need to have trust in your partners and maintain that trust unless of course its broken.

being insecure and controlling will only manifests your own fears and your partner will be forced (by you) to sneak around for fear of hurting you.

for purpose of debate if you think I should tell her vote “you are being unreasonable”.

Lying is never the answer.

but she sounds controlling and I think you should leave her.

Thanks for coming here to tell all women how to behave rather than dealing with the problems in your own relationship. If it's not working, break up.

You consider the questions you are asked by your girlfriend to be <checks notes> 'stupid' yet here you are, asking stupid questions. Get away with you.

But you’re making the choice to lie about it.

Lend her the decorations if you want to. Bit strange she doesn’t have her own, but okay.

But sneaking them out to avoid an argument is just silly.

I think you need to do the right thing and break up. The relationship isn’t working. Feeling on egg shells and feeling like you can’t be honest or all hell breaks loose isn’t a good place to be.

Asking you silly questions then sulking and getting the hump when you are truthful is not good for either of you.

I think you need to break up, don’t stoop to lying just to keep the peace. Break up. Or you’re just as bad imo!

No-one forces anyone to do anything. This is akin to saying - don't be annoying and he won't hit you!

Tell the truth and if you don't like the behaviour that ensues, leave her.

Do her (and yourself) a favour and break up
....

Men who want to lie will find a way to blame the women for it.

Has it occurred to you to wonder how your DP became insecure? Maybe she has trusted people previously and found they were lying to her.

The issue here is your relationship with your girlfriend, not women in general. Lies breed distrust- it’s a vicious circle. Stop lying and you might have a chance of building a decent relationship. Or leave, up to you.

This is such a male post. You have a problem in your relationship so you come onto a women's forum and berate all women for your own decision to lie and deceive.

This.
And lying just dodges the real problem and makes things worse for your future.

yay a man has arrived to advise us lovely women

You really DO need to talk to her. Explain that you really need her to trust you and not to read into things. Of course you will interact with your ex and do the occasional nice thing for her - she is an important part of your history and it is to your credit that you want to stay on good terms with her. Doing her the occasional favour, even going for the occasional coffee and chat with her in no way undermines your relationship with your partner. But if she has a meltdown when you interact like a reasonable and kind adult with your ex, then that is a problem. Not you helping your ex out but her reaction to it. Be clear and don't budge on this. Because if you start lying and sneaking around, she'll have grounds to get upset and there is no need. Don't create drama.

Essentially you just want an easy life OP, and you’re self-centred.

You want to do what you want, make the decisions you want and lend stuff to who you want - but don’t want a significant other to have any thoughts or opinions on it. You don’t want to take their feelings into account. So you lie because it makes life easier for you. Why bother being in the relationship at all? It’s not an honest or authentic way of living.

How can your girlfriend trust you if you lie to her and sneak around? You need to be honest and open and truthful. You need to lay down boundaries - you are entitled to a healthy relationship with your ex that does not impact on your other relationships. If your girlfriend won't accept that then she has crossed your boundary and you need to deal with that. Whether by a conversation that leads to resolution or by breaking up.

Women aren't to blame for your failure to put in healthy boundaries in your relationship. Or your willingness to lie and deceive.

I appreciate that her behaviour is draining. Tell her the truth and deal with the consequences or leave her. Lying isn’t the answer.

Lying to avoid a difficult conversation breeds and feeds the insecurity. Tell the truth and if that causes issues in your relationship, deal with them. You can’t demand unconditional trust and then tell lies.

for purpose of debate if you think I should tell her vote “you are being unreasonable”

How telling. Rather than ask for any opinions you give us a command.

anyway I don’t know why I’m posting other than to say to all you lovely women that you need to have trust in your partners and maintain that trust unless of course its broken.
being insecure and controlling will only manifests your own fears and your partner will be forced (by you) to sneak around for fear of hurting you.

Oh thank God a man has come here to tell us all how to behave. Thank you, man!

I have an insecure husband so I feel your pain...it's fucking awful

Have you ever wondered if your girlfriend's insecurities come from your willingness to lie and sneak around and then blame her for your own behaviour?

‘I have no history of cheating or lieing (lying)’

‘So now I have to lie to my girlfriend’

Jog on bro. She thinks you’re a liar because you are and trying to get women to justify it for you is spineless.

I agree. If you and your partner can't communicate openly as adults the relationship isn't sustainable. She's controlling and you're a conflict avoidant liar.

Women are not to blame for mens' behaviour.