Insecure women force men to lie

[Harrypitty]

My girlfriend is very insecure, I love her and support her in this the best I can. For info I have no history of cheating/lieing etc

however it’s really hard to tell the truth to an insecure woman as they ask what I consider to be stupid questions they don’t really want the answer to and will only fuel their insecurity.

I have dozens of examples but heres the latest.

my ex-wife ( of 5 years who I rarely speak to but am on reasonable good terms with, Who also lives with my grown up children), asks to borrow some party decorations I have in my loft.
I don’t have an issue with this but if I mention it to my girlfriend all hell will break loose. If I say no then my kids will call up saying I’m being selfish as it’s their party too etc.
so now I have to lie to my girlfriend and sneak the box’s over there when she’s not around.

now you may say” just tell her”, I can assure you beyond any doubt that this will cause a massive row where I will be accused of 1/ loving her more then me, 2/always (!) doing things for her 3/ will probably shag her when I’m there. Etc etc

i guess this the curse of having an insecure girlfriend (who I’ve finally convinced into counselling).

anyway I don’t know why I’m posting other than to say to all you lovely women that you need to have trust in your partners and maintain that trust unless of course its broken.

being insecure and controlling will only manifests your own fears and your partner will be forced (by you) to sneak around for fear of hurting you.

for purpose of debate if you think I should tell her vote “you are being unreasonable”.

Extreme jealousy is something I’ve seen equally in men and women so I doubt you are bringing much enlightenment to any of us. You have to decide whether the relationship is worth the trouble and call it a day. It’s a waste of time changing your behaviour in a futile attempt to manage the jealousy.

As for therapy, there are some very good approaches but it needs to be her decision to seek help based on her taking responsibility for her own behaviour. That’s probably best done on her own and not with someone sneaking about trying to manage her emotions in a counterproductive way. Better off calling it off and telling her why.

My husband had an ex like this. He couldn't even mention a previous girlfriend in any context as she went ballistic. She took a knife to him at one point. He is 100% the loyal faithful type. I'd leave if I were you as it won't get any better.

Well she sounds abusive and controlling. I don't think this is an all women issue. This is a specific issue relating to your girlfriend. If you have to lie about bringing party decorations over to your kids because you fear her reaction then you are not in a good relationship.

Thanks this is such a helpful post. Mansplaining allays any insecurities us 'lovely women' might have.

I realise that you would like to blame all of womankind for your problems, but the actual issue is that your relationship is shite. Perhaps she's so amazing otherwise that it's worth living like this. Only you can decide. But it's between you. Leave the rest of us out of it. We don't care what you do with your decorations, your ex or your girlfriend.

She's not forcing you to lie. You have an alternative, you could leave her.

Why haven't you?

Oh for goodness sake. Clearly if you feel like this the relationship isn't right for either of you. Frankly it sounds awful.

Leave her rather than lie to her. You aren't the Knight in shining armour fixing her you'll make it worse. Persuading her to have counselling but then considering lying to her?

FWIW, my close relative lies to his spouse to avoid a row or scene and it means I don't trust him anymore, and he's tangled other people OP in it too. It's shitty and sneakyit's not on her, it's his choices. A shit relationship isn't going to improved by lies.

@Harrypitty

You should end it with her.

She will be better off without you.

That’s a bit rich given that this is supposed to be a forum for questions and advice. OP is hardly telling women how to behave.

You’re right she doesn’t trust you. She right not to trust you as you have just open admitted you lie to her regularly. If you think she doesn’t know you lie I can assure you she does. Stop lying and work on your trust issues then you will be able to tell her the truth without her feeling insecure.

He literally did.

"...to say to all you lovely women that you need to have trust in your partners and maintain that trust unless of course its broken."

Again though, she is controlling and he needs to leave.

He literally did though
If he had coming asking for advice on his situation he would have got very different responses I imagine

You need to grow a pair and stop blaming your fears on others.

you can get the stuff down from the loft. Have you tried or have you told yourself you can’t because this or that will happen?

its a simple request.

anyway I don’t know why I’m posting other than to say to all you lovely women that you need to have trust in your partners and maintain that trust unless of course its broken.

👍👍👍👍👍👍
Thank you for your services into fixing women!

Yes, we all needed some mansplaining to set us straight.

Wait what.. that's exactly what he did.

anyway I don’t know why I’m posting other than to say to all you lovely women that you need to have trust in your partners and maintain that trust unless of course its broken.

So you have a desperate, almost pathological need to lend party decorations to someone you barely have anything to do with and if you don't do it your adult children will whine to you about it because it's their party too.

None of these people are apparently solvent enough to buy their own decs.

And you've never lied.

And you've felt the need to start a thread mansplaining and lecturing women or hoping to elicit their advice because you're under the impression women exist to help you fix your relationship problems.

Grand.

The real solution isn't lying.
The solution is telling her the truth and calling her out on unacceptable behaviour on her part.
Then, when she refuses to take accountability, end the relationship.

When you start telling lies and you justify that because of someone elses behaviour, you're in the wrong relationship.

Yabu. 1. To lie, yeah she might not like it but lying to her is going to make her feel more insecure and make things worse, if she didn't have a reason to feel insecure before she will now. She will find out whether you slip up or your ex wife or kids tell her. 2. To blame her for "forcing" you to lie, nobody can be forced to lie its a choice you are making because you don't want to deal with her if she's not happy about it.

Tedious.

Aww bless you!

Maybe take a look at the many thousands of threads on here where women are being shouted at and belittled on a daily basis, before telling all us lovely ladies to trust our men.

If you don’t like how your girlfriend acts then leave her. The truth is though that many women are paranoid because of men and their lies, gaslighting and sneaking around. You say you don’t lie in your current relationship, but it kind of sounds like you do? You probably call it withholding the truth though.

If your girlfriend is controlling and you feel forced to lie then why are you with her? You're a grown man. No-one made you do anything.

This 💯

YABU. If you lie and then get caught out, it looks like you have something to hide.

Tell her the truth and if she goes mad, then end the relationship and tell her why.

As a woman who lived with an insecure and controlling boyfriend, who questioned every tiny thing I did, who would rather believe lies than the actual totally innocent truth. Get out now, let her deal with in her issues while you move on.

It isn’t a woman problem, it’s a controlling narcissist problem.