Insecure women force men to lie

[Harrypitty]

My girlfriend is very insecure, I love her and support her in this the best I can. For info I have no history of cheating/lieing etc

however it’s really hard to tell the truth to an insecure woman as they ask what I consider to be stupid questions they don’t really want the answer to and will only fuel their insecurity.

I have dozens of examples but heres the latest.

my ex-wife ( of 5 years who I rarely speak to but am on reasonable good terms with, Who also lives with my grown up children), asks to borrow some party decorations I have in my loft.
I don’t have an issue with this but if I mention it to my girlfriend all hell will break loose. If I say no then my kids will call up saying I’m being selfish as it’s their party too etc.
so now I have to lie to my girlfriend and sneak the box’s over there when she’s not around.

now you may say” just tell her”, I can assure you beyond any doubt that this will cause a massive row where I will be accused of 1/ loving her more then me, 2/always (!) doing things for her 3/ will probably shag her when I’m there. Etc etc

i guess this the curse of having an insecure girlfriend (who I’ve finally convinced into counselling).

anyway I don’t know why I’m posting other than to say to all you lovely women that you need to have trust in your partners and maintain that trust unless of course its broken.

being insecure and controlling will only manifests your own fears and your partner will be forced (by you) to sneak around for fear of hurting you.

for purpose of debate if you think I should tell her vote “you are being unreasonable”.

If we had an ‘idiot classics’ this should go there. This is an issue in your relationship- not an issue with women that you need to intervene and solve.

please go away

Very brave of you to announce yourself as a man on Mumsnet 🤣🤣 don't worry, we don't all bite!

You're right, of course everyone should be able to trust the person they say they love and want to spend their lives with. Otherwise you shouldn't be together.

Hate to say it, but the whole thing sounds a bit toxic. She clearly doesn't trust you and is unfairly accusing you, so then to avoid arguments about imagined scenarios you're lying, which presumably if/when she finds out only feeds her insecurities and actually makes her concerns legitimate, because why should she trust anything you tell her? Bit of a vicious circle. I'd have a serious think about whether this is how you want to carry on...

Insecure women force men to lie

Oh poor baby, having no agency in what words come out of your mouth...

She must be good in bed or something

Well said.

The sheer arrogance and entitlement of going on to a forum largely by and for women to tell them all that they are to blame for men’s failings and how they must behave, is staggering. And that doesn’t even touch upon the sheer stupidity of drawing conclusions from a sample group of one!

Sounds tiring, but ultimately it’s your choice to remain in a relationship with someone who does this. You don’t like it? Leave. You don’t want to leave? Then put up with it without moaning.

Your gf is the issue. Not ‘women’.

You shouldn't be being belittled and shouted at in a healthy relationship at all. Food for thought.

Being conflict avoidant is never a good look… my ex lied all the time about silly things so he could look like the ‘good guy’

Thanks for your patronising post Here's a tip for you - spend a bit less time trying to educate the female population at large and you'll have more time to sort out your shitty relationship at home.
Glad to help!

When a man shows up on MN to impart his superior wisdom, I just smile and get my popcorn.

I think controlling people do make their partners tell white lies, yes. I was in a violent relationship and told my partner that I thought the young, attractive man I often worked on shift with was gay. He wasn’t and I wasn’t doing anything remotely inappropriate but it was the only way to avoid being shouted at until 1am about whether or not I wanted to screw him….

I feel nauseous after reading that bit of mansplaining. ‘Lovely ladies’ erghhhbeluarghhh!!

Problem is if you lie and she finds out it then makes her more insecure and it’s a never ending cycle. Tell her the truth and have a long hard think it this is someone you want to spend the rest of your life with

An insecure or jealous partner will cause people to lie.
Male or female doesn't matter.
Surely other women on here have experienced this?

Thank god. We were just getting hysterical and about to faint.

I agree that you should be able to lend these decorations out but lying won't help either of you. Lying weakens your connection with your partner. Instead of having a conversation about it to understand each other and get on the same page, you are avoiding the issue allowing it to exist between you and potentially grow. It will only cause emotional distance between you.

You are treading a very thin line!

This is the exact method controlling partners use to justify their actions.

We’ve seen it time and time again on here where it’s easier to tell a white lie to not cause a big issue but then that white lie gets found out and all of a sudden the controller has exactly what they want because they can accuse the other person constantly.

The issue here is your jealous and controlling partner.
You should never have to lie just to not have an argument, that is ridiculous!

Tell your girlfriend the truth.
If she goes off on one, so what. Tell her to leave if she doesn’t like it.

If you carry on letting her control you, it will just get worse and worse.

What OP says is not a command. No wonder there’s so much conflict when people deliberately misinterpret what’s been written or said.

@Harrypitty full disclosure I only read your first post. But frankly no one forced anyone to lie. That is a choice you make. And I think you really need to think of this is the relationship for you.

I think what you need to do is go on a predominantly male forum and lecture them in a condescending way

I completely agree.

The lie is a red herring.

This relationship sounds awful and the girlfriend is controlling and maybe even abusive.

A relationship where you are genuinely afraid to tell the truth about everyday things because of the consequences could be described as at best toxic, at worst abusive.

Stop putting both of you through this hell.

Get out.

She's nuts. Leave her, honestly! Don't make the mistake of thinking all women are that stupid.

I spent nearly 50 years assuming men were all complete fucktards, based on experience. Life got a whole lot better when I dropped that preconception and realised that it was all down to "selection bias" based on low expectations 😜

That's not a healthy relationship.

You can't fix your relationship by telling all other women apart from your partner that they're making men lie.

Imagine lying to say safe, then visualise a risk of injury or death on top and you might understand why you've had so many negative reactions to your drama ...you aren't a victim of anything