Insecure women force men to lie

[Harrypitty]

My girlfriend is very insecure, I love her and support her in this the best I can. For info I have no history of cheating/lieing etc

however it’s really hard to tell the truth to an insecure woman as they ask what I consider to be stupid questions they don’t really want the answer to and will only fuel their insecurity.

I have dozens of examples but heres the latest.

my ex-wife ( of 5 years who I rarely speak to but am on reasonable good terms with, Who also lives with my grown up children), asks to borrow some party decorations I have in my loft.
I don’t have an issue with this but if I mention it to my girlfriend all hell will break loose. If I say no then my kids will call up saying I’m being selfish as it’s their party too etc.
so now I have to lie to my girlfriend and sneak the box’s over there when she’s not around.

now you may say” just tell her”, I can assure you beyond any doubt that this will cause a massive row where I will be accused of 1/ loving her more then me, 2/always (!) doing things for her 3/ will probably shag her when I’m there. Etc etc

i guess this the curse of having an insecure girlfriend (who I’ve finally convinced into counselling).

anyway I don’t know why I’m posting other than to say to all you lovely women that you need to have trust in your partners and maintain that trust unless of course its broken.

being insecure and controlling will only manifests your own fears and your partner will be forced (by you) to sneak around for fear of hurting you.

for purpose of debate if you think I should tell her vote “you are being unreasonable”.

What attracted you to each other? Do you like a woman being insecure?

On behalf of every woman who has lived a restricted life to avoid paranoid jealousy or violence from their male partner, open your eyes.

I can’t really imagine carrying out this sort of behaviour. Just went on holiday with dp, his kids and their mother (his ex). We all had a nice time. But then dp is completely straight with me, and we enjoy time apart and doing our own thing. I’ve been in relationships where I have wanted a clingy, needy partner. Are you planning any counselling?

If her behaviour is intolerable when you tell the truth, probably best to say that to her and leave.

More than likely it's a previous partner.
When I first met DH (almost 30 years ago), I was insecure and jealous due to a previous bf who had lied and gaslit me. I got over it over the years as DH has never given me cause for concern but I still get flashes of jealousy if I know he is out with female friends.
Similarly I had a jealous, insecure bf because his previous gf had lied and cheated, but I didn't appreciate being accused myself.

A previous lying cheat of a partner will undoubtedly make anyone insecure but I doubt OP's secret messaging of his ex wife will help assuage her fears.

This is the OP who wanted to seat himself up front in Business Class on a trip to Australia while the same partner and her child sat in Standard.

He puts himself first despite the hand wringing in this post.

I think youve extrapolated your experience to WOMEN.

I thought you were going to give examples of - do you like my new hair, and you hadnt noticed. Or do you fancy other women, and you say never. Not lying about letting your kids and ExW decorations from the loft!!

She sounds nuts. I wouldnt lie to her, id leave her. She doesnt trust you

Thankyou all for your posts.

i decided to stand by my boundaries and morals and told her that I planned on taking them over there and that she should accept that I love and support her but that doesn’t mean I can’t be able to make choices in support of others.

As expected, sadly she didn’t see it that way. I’ve left her to tidy up after she trashed the house and will go back later when she’s hopefully calmed down.

abusive relationships are hard when you love someone but I guess there is no excuse to lie as you have all told me.

good luck and stay safe everyone.

You know what you have to do.

Good luck to you and stay safe 🩵

She sounds ridiculous. I hope you can ditch her and open a space in your life for someone sane. Good luck OP 🌞

You will never change her. She needs outside help; without it, the situation will just get worse. I hope you find the strength to help yourself and her.

Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men | Men's Advice Line UK https://share.google/bGjjjAGhOoLO9fjVr share.google/bGjjjAGhOoLO9fjVr]]]]

I think that's good advice for everyone on MN.