Insecure women force men to lie

[Harrypitty]

My girlfriend is very insecure, I love her and support her in this the best I can. For info I have no history of cheating/lieing etc

however it’s really hard to tell the truth to an insecure woman as they ask what I consider to be stupid questions they don’t really want the answer to and will only fuel their insecurity.

I have dozens of examples but heres the latest.

my ex-wife ( of 5 years who I rarely speak to but am on reasonable good terms with, Who also lives with my grown up children), asks to borrow some party decorations I have in my loft.
I don’t have an issue with this but if I mention it to my girlfriend all hell will break loose. If I say no then my kids will call up saying I’m being selfish as it’s their party too etc.
so now I have to lie to my girlfriend and sneak the box’s over there when she’s not around.

now you may say” just tell her”, I can assure you beyond any doubt that this will cause a massive row where I will be accused of 1/ loving her more then me, 2/always (!) doing things for her 3/ will probably shag her when I’m there. Etc etc

i guess this the curse of having an insecure girlfriend (who I’ve finally convinced into counselling).

anyway I don’t know why I’m posting other than to say to all you lovely women that you need to have trust in your partners and maintain that trust unless of course its broken.

being insecure and controlling will only manifests your own fears and your partner will be forced (by you) to sneak around for fear of hurting you.

for purpose of debate if you think I should tell her vote “you are being unreasonable”.

🙄

Dear man, thank you for explaining to us how we should behave.

we will try harder

sincerely

the women

You have a severe allergy to accountability. You don’t have to lie. You choose to.

If I wasn't able to be open and honest with a partner then I'd consider the relationship over tbh.

Agreed 🤢

What you have described does not sound healthy and would not be a relationship I would choose to continue.
But, can you not see how your logic is twisted? You lie to your partner, so how can she trust what you say? By all means, if you feel she’s insecure and reacts badly when you are honest and not doing anything wrong, run for the hills. But it’s not fair to assume how she’ll respond to something that hasn’t happened yet, lie to her and complain she doesn’t trust you.

Fuck @NormaNormal , what a find….

The OP is a charmer isn’t he?
And it puts his whole victim playing into perspective too….

I've voted YABU because it is not 'insecure women', it is one particular woman who obviously has jealousy issues, and resents the fact that you are on speaking terms with the mother of your children.

It seems to me that if she is this possessive and jealous of the time and effort you spend in making your dc's lives better (and that includes being on reasonably good terms with your ex) then perhaps the relationship is not going to work out.

This woman is not worth your time.

Thank goodness the OP is here

Tell the truth and deal with the consequences.
it’s better than dealing with the consequences of a lie that you actively chose to utter because you were afraid of an uncomfortable situation.

OP why are you with her? The way you write about her suggests you have contempt for her. Why would you be with someone you don't respect? It sounds like she needs time to work through her issues. Is she much younger than you?

You need to leave her. The situation is intolerable!

Insecure partnerships, not exclusive to women.
I was in a shit controlling jealous relationship years ago, it was easier to lie sometimes, save the dramatic 1000 questions.

Have you ever considered who’s made her so insecure in for first place ? I’m guessing a man !

Rules of misogyny. Right there fella, number 1.

1. Women are responsible for what men do.

1. Women saying no to men is a hate crime.

1. Women speaking for themselves are exclusionary and selfish.

1. Women’s opinions are violence against men, thus male violence against women is justified.

1. Women and Feminism must be useful to men or they are worthless.

1. Women who go around being female AT men by menstruating and breastfeeding babies deserve punishment.

1. Women should always be grateful to men for everything.

1. Men are whatever men say they are and women are whatever men say they are.

1. Men always know the “real reasons” for everything women do and say.

10. The worst thing about male violence is that it makes men look bad.

11. Whatever women suffer from, it is worse when it happens to men.

12. Women’s ability to recognize male behavior patterns is misandry.

13. Angry women are crazy. Angry men have trouble expressing themselves.

14. Women have all the rights they need: The right to remain silent.

15. Men are the default human. Women are strange subhuman others.

16. Everyone owns and controls women’s bodies except the women themselves.

Oh you're gettin' roasted mate.

To be serious though, this is what I'd say to any OP, male or female about this.

Nobody should be in a position where they have to lie about something this small. You know what's going to happen. You sneak out the party stuff like a bloody cat burglar in your own home. GF finds out (she will somewhere down the line). Now you're the lying scheming twat she can't trust. If you weren't on egg shells before that you will be.

It won't ever change. She'll never be ok with the party decorations, the awkward 'hello' when you bump into ExW in Asda, when she finds out (shock, horror) that ExW will also be at your joint children's weddings etc on and on.

She hates the fact that you had a whole life with someone else. The attention she gets from you prancing about trying to reassure her or calm her worries or whatever, keeps you focused on her.

At best it's a relationship killer at worst it's abusive and controlling. The former will end your relationship. The latter should end it.

I remember that post. He sounds God awful.

He’s a child. An accountability dodging child.

And does she bring anything positive to your life.

Everyone on here posting like we know for definite that it's not Mr Mansplain's behaviour and messaging his ex that's making his partner insecure in the first place...

No one is 'forcing' men to lie. You are choosing to be in a relationship with a woman you claim is so insecure you have to wear a hard hat 'every time'. Whatever 'every time' means 🤷‍♀️
Have to wonder what is in it for you to stay in a newish relationship where you don't seem to like her that much.

Def possible, given the ludicrous mansplaining. This is not a self-aware man.

Gotta love men on Mumsnet! 🙄