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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband booked a holiday I said I didn’t want to go on

218 replies

Catty6516 · 25/08/2025 12:05

Hello. Just looking for an outside opinion as I’m in my head about something and not sure if I’m being unreasonable

A while back a discussion came up about holidays next year and my husband really wanted to go to disney world in Florida.

Although I love Disney I said I don’t want to go next year. For a number of reasons really. We’re having some big work done on our house this autumn which is obviously costly.
also we went to Disney Paris last year and whilst we had a good time overall I really wouldn’t say that my kids were that enthralled with it (particularly my youngest whose behaviour wasn’t great whilst we were there) and so the thought of going for two weeks when it’s also going to be really hot and humid (August) just didn’t really appeal to me.
like I said I love Disney and it definitely wasn’t a never want to go but just not at the moment. I was happy to wait until the girls are a little older and maybe we will get more from it as it really such an expensive holiday.

anyway he has gone and booked it without consulting me. Well the deposit anyway. its cause tension as I feel betrayed that he’s just not listened to be or even discussed it further and just gone ahead. So now I feel backed into a corner as if we are to cancel we will lose hundreds of pounds.

He has said that he will fund the trip as he has more financial means, however my concern here is that although that will cover the holiday and a basic meal package (which obviously I would be very grateful for) I do still think it is the type of holiday that you need quite a bit saved up for and I don’t feel in a comfortable position for it at all.

he just doesn’t get it as he says he’s paying what am I moaning about but think it’s more the fact that he’s done something specifically said I don’t want to do. But now he’s making me the bad guy ‘mummy doesn’t want to go’ saying things like him and my eldest will just go on there own. Throwing things in my face like ‘fine we will just stay here and do nothing’ which is ridiculous and we do loads of nice trips and holidays (UK/europe) he just seems to have it in his head that is Florida or nothing.

like I said I’m so grateful that this is a possibility for us but just think it’s maybe a greater problem that’s been brought to the surface through this.

any outside perspective would be good. Thanks xxx

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 25/08/2025 12:09

Tbh, your reasons for not wanting to go next August sound entirely reasonable.

but just think it’s maybe a greater problem that’s been brought to the surface through this

I think this is the real issue.

fthisfthatfeverything · 25/08/2025 12:11

Can you put it off until the following year?

FritataPatate · 25/08/2025 12:12

“Which obviously I would be grateful for”

This stands out. Why would you be grateful ? They’re his kids. He’s doing something he wants to do (and you don’t).

Robertplantgoddess · 25/08/2025 12:12

Any chance of a massive compromise? He goes with a friend and when its financially viable for you - you book a holiday you would like that your husband has no.interest in?

Painrelief · 25/08/2025 12:13

Have you seen the post on here atm where someone is in Florida right now and all it’s done is rain for days …

August is apparently hurricane season . Maybe tell him that and see if you can transfer to somewhere else .

GreyCarpet · 25/08/2025 12:15

FritataPatate · 25/08/2025 12:12

“Which obviously I would be grateful for”

This stands out. Why would you be grateful ? They’re his kids. He’s doing something he wants to do (and you don’t).

Probably in anticipation of responses telling her that she's ungrateful because they could only afford a week in a mouldy caravan in Margate and she should be grateful he wants to take her and the children on such a lovely holiday and pay for it all.

pikkumyy77 · 25/08/2025 12:16

I think you need to address his selfishness and the passive aggressive use of the children directly.

This is not about money. Its about power. And manipulation. He wants to think he has “more power” because he is “paying for it” but its family money. Its family time.

nomas · 25/08/2025 12:16

It sounds like because he has more money that he thinks he can ride roughshod over your wishes.

I would tell him he can take the kids but you will be staying home.

Or you could tell him you’ll come but you will decide the next abroad holiday.

Is there some financial abuse element here? Why do you think the day to day holiday costs will be on you? Why don’t you and DH have a joint account?

PudgeJudy · 25/08/2025 12:17

Can you cancel it, or move it to the following Easter maybe? Many years ago myself and my exH took his two young DSs to Florida for Disney and universal. Mainly because that was the only time he could get the boys for 2 weeks together. It was honestly hell on earth. Certainly as hot as hell, and immensely humid, and absolutely rammed. There’s the odd happy memory, but most of it was just pure torture.

ClawsMcGaws · 25/08/2025 12:17

Are they his kids?

SpillingWater · 25/08/2025 12:18

FritataPatate · 25/08/2025 12:12

“Which obviously I would be grateful for”

This stands out. Why would you be grateful ? They’re his kids. He’s doing something he wants to do (and you don’t).

From the way the OP phrased it, I don't think they are his kids, though, I think they're hers from a previous relationship.

AbzMoz · 25/08/2025 12:20

What an arse. Decisions costing over a particular amount or being the driver of a significant portion of your time (ie your entire annual leave) warrant discussion. Making you out to be the bad guy is horridly unfair too.

Ilikewinter · 25/08/2025 12:22

Urgh, not only will it be hot and humid, you'll need to plan your park days with military precision, otherwise you'll spend all day queuing to get on 1 ride!

So it's not just the booking the flights/hotel, with Disney you also need to plan your days, book restaurants etc....

Bet your DH doesn't also do all that!

PermanentTemporary · 25/08/2025 12:23

I think this is pretty rubbish of him, yes.

I wouldn’t cut my nose off by not going on the holiday, but I would ask if it can be postponed. August in Florida? Yeuch. Is it cheaper then because it’s such a bad time to go? What about the following Easter?

I would have one serious conversation with him saying that he’s out of line with this attitude both ignoring your wishes and taking financial risks you haven’t signed up to. And then I would genuinely try to forgive and move on. But I would speak up very loudly the next time you are planning a major family item.

smoulderingmould · 25/08/2025 12:24

But surely his money is family money so it will still impact budgets? etc.

Maybe he thought it was a nice surprise, I wouldn't want to go in Aug.

Original poster
Catty6516 · 25/08/2025 12:25

Painrelief · 25/08/2025 12:13

Have you seen the post on here atm where someone is in Florida right now and all it’s done is rain for days …

August is apparently hurricane season . Maybe tell him that and see if you can transfer to somewhere else .

Yeah well that was another reason I also didn’t want to go although as nervous about the weather x

OP posts:
grumpygrape · 25/08/2025 12:28

Tell him you already said ‘No’, so he can either cancel or take the children on his own.

As others have said, August is a dreadful time to go to Florida; let him deal with his selective deafness on his own.

Raideress · 25/08/2025 12:29

The good news is Disney holidays are completely refundable until a certain point. You have plenty of time to get him to cancel it, I'm Disney obsessed and I don't understand any kid that doesn't obsess about Disney under about 11 or 12 years old, But going in August. Oh my God it will be so uncomfortable, personally I wouldn't go anytime but winter, preferably January, our daughter Millie passed out from the heat waiting for our lunch at tusker house, and nearly every single day we left at lunch to go back and swim in the pool because it was so hot and that was in December which is winter

gamerchick · 25/08/2025 12:29

I'd have the row me and stick to my guns.

I'd also be cornering him somewhere quiet and tell him to knock off using the kids to manipulate me as well. It's disrespectful and makes you see people in a different light.

Trickedbyadoughnut · 25/08/2025 12:29

grumpygrape · 25/08/2025 12:28

Tell him you already said ‘No’, so he can either cancel or take the children on his own.

As others have said, August is a dreadful time to go to Florida; let him deal with his selective deafness on his own.

Yeah, I absolutely agree with this.

Coffeeandcrochet · 25/08/2025 12:31

I'm 90% sure he's being an arse. However. I can sort of imagine me saying something along the lines of 'fine we will just stay here and do nothing’ (though absolutely never in front of the kids). I do absolutely all the thinking and planning and organising for everything fun we do, so it really grates when my husband moans and picks holes. So maybe just check in with yourself that you're not inadvertently being a bit of a wet blanket. Like I say, it doesn't sound like it - your points sound valid!

Original poster
Catty6516 · 25/08/2025 12:32

SpillingWater · 25/08/2025 12:18

From the way the OP phrased it, I don't think they are his kids, though, I think they're hers from a previous relationship.

Show quote history

yes, they are his kids ☺️ sorry maybe my phrasing of everything wasn’t great. I think by the grateful thing I just didn’t want people to think that it was lost on me that he was willing to pay for the holiday with his own money (we do have a joint account but also separate money also and he was saying he would pay as he has more savings etc) but I still feel like I would need to contribute whilst we were there and like I said I don’t feel in the best financial position at the moment.
also he did pay for a much cheaper uk break this year and I felt like I never heard the end of it so also don’t fancy the thought of him holding this over me!!! X

OP posts:
BeaLola · 25/08/2025 12:34

How old are your DC ?

I have never done Disney but friends have and they wouldn't ho in August . You may. E able to cancel and get £ back or why not move it to say October next year or April 27 - depending on kids ages .

Nevereatcardboard · 25/08/2025 12:34

What part of ‘no’ didn’t he understand? You had very clear and sensible reasons for not wanting to go to Florida. Does he often ignore what you say?

How old are your DC?

PermanentTemporary · 25/08/2025 12:35

Oh blimey. So paying for things has strings with him? And he wouldn’t like it if you said breezily ‘your choice mate, I was going for Brittany’ if he whinges about the money.

I have a friend who recommended the book Rapport. She read it with her husband and says it has given them some of what marriage counselling can do, without actually doing counselling.