Husband booked a holiday I said I didn’t want to go on

[Catty6516]

Hello. Just looking for an outside opinion as I’m in my head about something and not sure if I’m being unreasonable

A while back a discussion came up about holidays next year and my husband really wanted to go to disney world in Florida.

Although I love Disney I said I don’t want to go next year. For a number of reasons really. We’re having some big work done on our house this autumn which is obviously costly.
also we went to Disney Paris last year and whilst we had a good time overall I really wouldn’t say that my kids were that enthralled with it (particularly my youngest whose behaviour wasn’t great whilst we were there) and so the thought of going for two weeks when it’s also going to be really hot and humid (August) just didn’t really appeal to me.
like I said I love Disney and it definitely wasn’t a never want to go but just not at the moment. I was happy to wait until the girls are a little older and maybe we will get more from it as it really such an expensive holiday.

anyway he has gone and booked it without consulting me. Well the deposit anyway. its cause tension as I feel betrayed that he’s just not listened to be or even discussed it further and just gone ahead. So now I feel backed into a corner as if we are to cancel we will lose hundreds of pounds.

He has said that he will fund the trip as he has more financial means, however my concern here is that although that will cover the holiday and a basic meal package (which obviously I would be very grateful for) I do still think it is the type of holiday that you need quite a bit saved up for and I don’t feel in a comfortable position for it at all.

he just doesn’t get it as he says he’s paying what am I moaning about but think it’s more the fact that he’s done something specifically said I don’t want to do. But now he’s making me the bad guy ‘mummy doesn’t want to go’ saying things like him and my eldest will just go on there own. Throwing things in my face like ‘fine we will just stay here and do nothing’ which is ridiculous and we do loads of nice trips and holidays (UK/europe) he just seems to have it in his head that is Florida or nothing.

like I said I’m so grateful that this is a possibility for us but just think it’s maybe a greater problem that’s been brought to the surface through this.

any outside perspective would be good. Thanks xxx

The age of the kids would be the deciding factor. Under five then they won’t really remember such a big trip.

I went age 6 (the year Epcot opened) and I still have very vivid memories of the trip. I’d say that between 6 and 10 would be perfect for the ‘magic’ side of it, even though all ages will enjoy it. I still remember walking off the plane and into the heat and humidity. I’d never experienced it before that and I still remember that moment. Also trying to catch the little lizards! I think we went September or October though (before the days of being banned from taking kids out in term time).

Obviously things have changed a lot since the 80’s though so I have no idea what it is like now in regards to the ease of taking children. I only managed to afford to take mine to the one in Paris. But you have Epcot, sea world, space station and Everglades too so the kids need to be old enough to appreciate it. My brother was 2 when we went and doesn’t really remember it the way I do.

March/April time is the best for Florida, more like 25 degrees british summer temperatures. But yes really he shouldn't have booked it if you said you didn't want to go. Can you transfer the dates?

No, it wasn't just the cost

I would much prefer to go another time as the weather factor is such a bit cause of anxiety for me. However I think the deal he got was really good (maybe bc it is August etc) so he’s reluctant to move etc because it’s then going to be more expensive etc. maybe I can approach him about this though

This is what he deserves.

All fast food kiosks at Disney provide free cups of water.

Worth a try. I have friends who are there now and the heat is crazy, their kids are teens and coping but she said she wished they'd gone a different time. There's also Easter so wouldn't necessarily need time out of school then.

Every now and again I float the idea of Florida in August. DH reminds me of the one time we did it - over 20 years ago and pre DC - and how uncomfortably hot and humid the weather was. He's not wrong.
There's no way I would go ahead and book a holiday that DH had said no to. Your DH is being very unreasonable, not only to book the holiday, but also to involve the DC in his argument with you.

This. He needs to take responsibility

Your “D”H is a petulant, controlling dickhead who seemingly has no problem bad mouthing you to your children.
Yes, you definitely have a bigger issue than Disney.

maybe I can approach him about this though

This is such a strange way to talk about having a conversation with your husband. Are you frightened of him, OP? Or would you characterise yourself as submissive? As I really don’t understand how he could possibly justify any of this or why your reaction is self doubt, as opposed to being pissed off.

He'll have to recalibrate his wants against what the children want and need when he takes them on their own and one wants to do scary rides and one wants to do Princess but he's got to satisfy both and not even get to do what he wants because you're not there to take the strain.
Maybe he'll think of you at home, chilling with a cool drink and a book, and think, she did tell me...

The person who made that thread also said they’ve been before in August and the weather wasn’t bad that’s why they are so disappointed the weather has been very rainy

well point one, Florida in August, hell no!
Point two is, as others have said, this is not just about a holiday.
Point three is my usual question. Apart from money, which he seems to use as a weapon, what does he bring to the party....and don't say he's a great Dad.

I don't know how you two normally handle holiday planning, but for me (1) a family holiday would always be decided on together - if one of the adults disagrees, it's reasonable for the other to keep trying to persuade (within reason) but absolutely NOT OK to just book it. And this would go for any case where a firm decision hasn't been made; a case where you've said a firm no makes it even more outrageous. (2) If one partner is going alone or taking some or all of the children, they still check with the other partner BEFORE booking just in case of a conflict. (This is basic practicality - what would happen if BOTH you and your husband decided to book the holiday of your choice without the other's explicit OK and it ended up being the same dates?)

Also it's not OK that he's making you the villain in front of the children; I think that part would bother me the most because it's clearly bad intentions and manipulation (of you and them) rather than wishful thinking or rash enthusiasm or miscommunication/a. misunderstanding. IF you normally decide holidays together and wish to keep it that way, then I would be afraid that going on the trip would make him think it's OK to ever do this again, which it is 1000% NOT. Otherwise I'd be happy to have him go alone with the children if he's able to pay the whole thing and do all the prep work.

The way I see this is he has pushed you into a corner where you either have to be the bitch saying « no, kids » OR you have to crumble and he gets what he wants.

He has deliberately put you in a position where you cannot win.

My question is- is this a pattern of behaviour? Can you think of other times when he has done this to you?

He’s bang out of order booking something you’d explicitly said you didn’t want to do.
He needs to at least try to rebook for a sensible time of year, but ideally cancel.

perhaps it would help of you could come up with some alternatives all the family (including him) would enjoy? By 9 and 11 kids are getting old enough to do ‘real’ things.

August is hot but I honestly don't find it that terrible. The last 2 weeks are a lot quieter than the first so if hes booked those weeks that's a positive.

This year does seem particularly rainy compared to previous years. As its hurricane season we always get downpours bug because it's so hot they are often welcomed and don't actually last that long. It's never bothered us anyway.

If your DD isn't into big rides there's loads of smaller rides in Florida. It's much bigger than Paris with a bigger variety.

If you want to make the most of it I'd look at blogs and YouTube rides and food etc. If not then as someone has already said, Disneys cancellation terms are very good.

The other consideration with Disney is who will do the planning? You have to book everything in advance to make the most of it. You need to plan which park you will go to, which restaurants to eat in (and book) and how you get from A to B otherwise you will miss out. That’s without factoring in the queue system and how all that works!

Who is going to do all that?!?! It’s an incredibly stressful “holiday”.

He thinks he is in charge. That’s the much bigger problem in all this.

Op does want to go at some point though. Summer holidays are always going to a better time with long haul and Easter is very expensive.

Is your entrance to the parks included in the price? They can be expensive. Also you may have to upgrade car hire as holiday companies book you the smallest for your party number

He has said that he will fund the trip as he has more financial means, however my concern here is that although that will cover the holiday and a basic meal package (which obviously I would be very grateful for) I do still think it is the type of holiday that you need quite a bit saved up for and I don’t feel in a comfortable position for it at all.

You're meant to be a family. This is a huge decision to make unilaterally, because one half of a 'couple' has the means.
And you have to be grateful? Why?

I wouldn't go, just on principle, but that's probably why I'm single. This doesn't sound like a unit at all.

I'd tell him he is WELCOME to go to DisneyLand with the kids and it's lovely he wants to treat them. But you said you didn't want to go and he booked it anyway, and you stand by your boundary. He and the kids will have a lovely time and you will stay home and do something else and you wish them well. How nice for them etc.

It's really really shitty him telling the kids they can't go because of you. Play him at his own game, what a dick move of him.

TBH I'm more concerned about the bigger picture. Why does he have so much more spare money than you where he can pay for a UK holiday and then say he'll pay for Florida too?! Where as you say you don't feel comfortable financially in your personal finances to book a big spend holiday. It seems very unequal financially. Couple with you saying he lauded it over you paying for the UK holiday raises red flags tbh. As does him stomping over your boundary then weaponizing the kids bringing them into it.

I would still tell him to go on his own with the girls, unless either of the girls don't want to go. I would not force them.

However, he created this mess, he can enjoy it. It's the only way he'll learn to be more of a team player if you are not there to manage the "bad" behavior.