Husband booked a holiday I said I didn’t want to go on

[Catty6516]

Hello. Just looking for an outside opinion as I’m in my head about something and not sure if I’m being unreasonable

A while back a discussion came up about holidays next year and my husband really wanted to go to disney world in Florida.

Although I love Disney I said I don’t want to go next year. For a number of reasons really. We’re having some big work done on our house this autumn which is obviously costly.
also we went to Disney Paris last year and whilst we had a good time overall I really wouldn’t say that my kids were that enthralled with it (particularly my youngest whose behaviour wasn’t great whilst we were there) and so the thought of going for two weeks when it’s also going to be really hot and humid (August) just didn’t really appeal to me.
like I said I love Disney and it definitely wasn’t a never want to go but just not at the moment. I was happy to wait until the girls are a little older and maybe we will get more from it as it really such an expensive holiday.

anyway he has gone and booked it without consulting me. Well the deposit anyway. its cause tension as I feel betrayed that he’s just not listened to be or even discussed it further and just gone ahead. So now I feel backed into a corner as if we are to cancel we will lose hundreds of pounds.

He has said that he will fund the trip as he has more financial means, however my concern here is that although that will cover the holiday and a basic meal package (which obviously I would be very grateful for) I do still think it is the type of holiday that you need quite a bit saved up for and I don’t feel in a comfortable position for it at all.

he just doesn’t get it as he says he’s paying what am I moaning about but think it’s more the fact that he’s done something specifically said I don’t want to do. But now he’s making me the bad guy ‘mummy doesn’t want to go’ saying things like him and my eldest will just go on there own. Throwing things in my face like ‘fine we will just stay here and do nothing’ which is ridiculous and we do loads of nice trips and holidays (UK/europe) he just seems to have it in his head that is Florida or nothing.

like I said I’m so grateful that this is a possibility for us but just think it’s maybe a greater problem that’s been brought to the surface through this.

any outside perspective would be good. Thanks xxx

I think you need to go through your list of objections and decide which are valid. The weather is obviously a big issue. And your DH's willingness to book an expensive holiday without discussion. Your younger DD's age probably matters less - she will be 2 years older than when she went to Disneyland Paris.

Let him go and take the children you stay home and deal with the house repairs!

I think his behaviour is nasty bullying. Committing a lot of family money (total cost uncertain) to something you don’t want, without your agreement, at a time of other high household expenses. Involving the DC. Saying you should feel grateful.

Wouldn’t be surprised if he’s also financially abusive and controlling in other ways.

If my DH did this. I would let him go and take the children then stay home and relax.

however this doesn’t solve the issue of him doing something against your wishes without further consultation. This isn’t good.

Honestly I’d probably just get on board now, he’s a prick but your kids are excited, he’s manipulating the situation and you’re arguing over it. I would say you either reevaluate your marriage because he’s been so dismissive and not treated you like an equal partner - which is valid, but maybe not something you’d be willing to LTB for lol. So instead I’d just think bugger it. Make the best out of it and start looking at ways to make sure you all enjoy it. Disney needs ALOT of planning to make it enjoyable

hurricane season is between June and November so if you consider that you would never go in the summer! It’s also not (generally) a rain all day situation. Rain and thunderstorms are quite normal as it is a sub tropical area. I have been to Florida more times than I can count in one hand - always in August and I never had 2 weeks in a row of rain for the whole day. Those accounts are mainly because Erin was going through (which it now has!).

If he really thinks his behaviour is okay and doesn't back down, I think this is marriage ending, to be honest.

It doesn't matter about the reasons (there's nothing unreasonable about you not wanting to go and nothing unreasonable about him wanting to go). Or who is paying. A two week family holiday is something you need to be in agreement on. He has over ridden you. It's a direct challenge to the idea of you being a partnership with equal say.

I don't think it's wise to stay with someone who sees your marriage like that. It's not something that necessarily needs immediate action (like physical or emotional abuse does), but I would be looking for how to get myself into a good position to leave him when it best suited me and the children. In particular, I would ensure my career was on track to sustain me and would start to prioritise my earning power over his. Since you say he has more money than you and he seems to think that is largely what gives him the right to ignore you, it sounds like you've probably been putting your career on the back burner to ensure he can increase his earning power - that needs to stop.

This is exactly what I would do. I would go quit now. As it gets closer, if he mentions it I would remind him that I wasn't going but there is no way I would go on this holiday. It's far too loaded.

I was thinking about taking our 2 year old twins ti Disney land Paris before they had to pay and one day at Legoland during term time (quiet, short queues, coolish weather) made me realise that a few days at Disney would not be fun for anyone. Can you send your husband on a day to a big theme park in the UK, thorpe park, alton towers etc on his own with the kids to see how he finds it as a trial run?

The deal he got was good because it's peak hurricane season in Augus. There is a real risk you'll all spend the time hiding from a hurricane ( know someone who did). If you can change to a different time of year, combine with fact that your children will be a year older by then, it might be ok. But really crappy of him to book after you said no.

You cannot compare Paris Disney to Florida Disney!
Paris is absolutely shocking in comparison I’m sure they will absolutely love Florida

Unfortunately if it's tap water it is really heavily chlorinated and tastes horrible.

Sod that, it pissed down in Florida when I was there in August. I’d be extremely angry about him using the children against you, that needs addressing very strongly. Is he expecting massive gratitude? How will you afford the renovations and this? Why did he do it when you said you’d rather not?

I'm not saying that what he's done is a good thing but if you do end up going, we went in August last year and it was amazing so don't let that time of year put you off. Yes its hot but the majority of rides / queues are indoors and its all air conditioned and as its the low season the queues were small (most under 20 minutes). Where has he booked you to stay? We stayed at one of the disney hotels and it was so good using the Disney transport (also air con'd) to get everywhere as you could make the most of coming back to the hotel and play in the pool for a bit and go back out for the fireworks.
We went with our 6 year old and he loved it and still talks about it all the time so if you do go I wish you the best of time :)

There is an undercurrent to his behaviour which doesn’t sit well with me.

Why would he not want to sit down and discuss it with you until a compromise is reached?

Why is it all about what he wants?

I would never in a million years go to Florida in August. It is hot, humid, prone to a LOT of rain, the odd hurricane - definitely not guaranteed good weather that you need for a two week holiday in Florida. It is cheaper and less busy then for a reason ... just google it ...

I have been on August, the last two weeks re often cheaper and less busy as many Americans are back at school. To be fair if you want to go in the school holidays, really it has to be Christmas which is pricier or Easter with is pricier and busier, so really it’s tricky. We found the last two weeks of August to be the best on balance.

Florida was lovely...in April!

It's not really about the holiday.

I'd say he was free to go with the kids. I just wouldn't be joining.

This is a power play OP, as I am sure you realise.

He is not on your team. Booking an unwanted ( because we were desperate for a new bathroom) holiday without any reference to me was one of the last, of many, my ex did to me.

Good luck

This is a lie. Water is available at every QS place. You just go up and ask for cups of water and they give you as many as you want with ice.

Also water is about 5dollars, or free bottle with the dining package.

It's not only the things you state, but is he not aware that the current UK travel advice is not to travel to the USA? Things are bad there, and will be much worse before next year. My friends over there have warned me that it's not safe- and they are in several different states from one end of the US to the other. When we meet, we'll be meeting here, for the forseeable future.

Near 100% humidity and 24/7 rain.

Great.

I'd be really annoyed, especially if he's paid a lot as many people don't seem to realise it's low season in Florida in August and pay stupid amounts to go!

@BlueMongoose I certainly can’t see that advice anywhere, where have you got that from?

Ive decided not to travel to the US next year but that’s a personal choice due to the orange nonsense.

FFS! You've said you don't want to go so he's told you to stay here and he'll take the kids yet you still aren't happy!