Husband booked a holiday I said I didn’t want to go on

[Catty6516]

Hello. Just looking for an outside opinion as I’m in my head about something and not sure if I’m being unreasonable

A while back a discussion came up about holidays next year and my husband really wanted to go to disney world in Florida.

Although I love Disney I said I don’t want to go next year. For a number of reasons really. We’re having some big work done on our house this autumn which is obviously costly.
also we went to Disney Paris last year and whilst we had a good time overall I really wouldn’t say that my kids were that enthralled with it (particularly my youngest whose behaviour wasn’t great whilst we were there) and so the thought of going for two weeks when it’s also going to be really hot and humid (August) just didn’t really appeal to me.
like I said I love Disney and it definitely wasn’t a never want to go but just not at the moment. I was happy to wait until the girls are a little older and maybe we will get more from it as it really such an expensive holiday.

anyway he has gone and booked it without consulting me. Well the deposit anyway. its cause tension as I feel betrayed that he’s just not listened to be or even discussed it further and just gone ahead. So now I feel backed into a corner as if we are to cancel we will lose hundreds of pounds.

He has said that he will fund the trip as he has more financial means, however my concern here is that although that will cover the holiday and a basic meal package (which obviously I would be very grateful for) I do still think it is the type of holiday that you need quite a bit saved up for and I don’t feel in a comfortable position for it at all.

he just doesn’t get it as he says he’s paying what am I moaning about but think it’s more the fact that he’s done something specifically said I don’t want to do. But now he’s making me the bad guy ‘mummy doesn’t want to go’ saying things like him and my eldest will just go on there own. Throwing things in my face like ‘fine we will just stay here and do nothing’ which is ridiculous and we do loads of nice trips and holidays (UK/europe) he just seems to have it in his head that is Florida or nothing.

like I said I’m so grateful that this is a possibility for us but just think it’s maybe a greater problem that’s been brought to the surface through this.

any outside perspective would be good. Thanks xxx

He sounds like a right dick. Sorry OP. This holiday is probably the least of it.

I’ve been to Florida 3 times in August and it does ran most days, but generally not for long. However, as the car hire driver, i’ve now said i’d never drive in Florida in August again as it’s terrifying and you can’t even just pull over for ages as you can barely see 6ft in front of you. Generally the rain wasn’t too much of a problem, apart from if you’re near front of the queue and they close the rides if lightning in the area. It’s my youngest final year in school (6th form) so my days of going in Aug are over! Yay.

I’d say October would be better - or Easter, though Easter is so busy. End of Aug is much quieter, but heat, humidity and crowds can make for miserable kids. We were fortunate (via ex’s job meaning travel was cheaper) to go 3 times, age 5 and 8, 6 and 9 and then 15 and 18 and the teen years were the best in many ways, but for disney magic, i’d say 6 and 9. It is a very costly holiday.

OP didn’t say no, she specifically said she didn't want to do it now because of the cost. DH has assuaged that concern by paying for the majority of the trip

By going ahead and booking against your wishes he has put himself firmly in the wrong and you're entitled to be annoyed and refuse the trip. This is a shame, as had he not bull dozed ahead, there may have been room for compromise. I'm not sure a wish not to go should necessarily trump one to go on a particular family holiday within the context of a life long relationship, as sometimes you do gave to grit your teeth and do things the other really wants to, as long as its reciprocal. However, a shorter break at a cooler time such as February half term may have worked, or a week at Disney and a week relaxing (carribean, the keys) may have been better. Is it too late to change?

How old are your dc? I'm just wondering if you need to go during school holidays? If you can go term time id really recommend it. We went early November & the weather was just right and thr parks were fairly quiet which makes everything better.

He is railroading you. I’m really triggered by that behaviour so I’d not be happy at all. Just say you are happy for him and the kids to head off but as you’ve already told him it is not your cup of tea you’ll do your own thing instead.

A friend went last year and said it was super hot in August but to make it worse, there is no way to refill water bottles at Disney Florida. You HAVE to buy bottled water at around $15 per small bottle while there. She said she spent about $200 on water alone on the couple of days she was there with her child. All your concerns are very valid and of course it was wrong for your husband to go ahead and book.

i have a friend in florida even she said its extrelely hot this summer and shes used to it

i went once in august never again hes being selfish and making you out to be the bad guy when youre tryhing to be pravtical

Do not get into discussion with him. Let him go on his own. And mean it. Treat him like you would a toddler - you booked it knowing I didn’t want to go and you’ve said you’re happy to go along with the kris so enjoy. Don’t put up w any moaning. Just keep repeating but you said you’d be happy to go w the kids. It’s up to him to convince the kids and take them. Take no part in this whatsoever.

sorry but this is wrong all she had to do was ask for ice water and they give you some for free-there are some fountains around too

I’d have the fight discussion with him. He suggested, you said not at that time, he booked it anyway. If he wants to be angry at you for his actions, that’s his problem and isn’t one you will be pandering to, he doesn’t get to force your hand. Be clear with the kids “I do want to take you to Disney, but we can do it in a year or two when it will be better for everyone, I told Dad this but he booked it anyway. We can have a different holiday which will be just as good”

I’ve done a few Florida holidays in August and it’s been fine, however in your shoes I’d be livid, it’s a huge spend and as such should be a joint decision. I don’t understand this separate savings thing, you’re married you should have joint financial goals? You’re looking at around £10k on flights, parks and hotels and then food when you’re out there is very expensive.

We prefer to go in August because it’s cheaper and quieter, but weather in Easter is gorgeous (but there’s no deals so it’s pricey and very very busy).

What a bossy man he is.
You can and should refuse to go. If he loses his deposit, that's his problem. You might ask him how he'd like it if you booked a two week holiday that he'd been clear he didn't want to go on, then said he shouldn't complain because you were paying. Never mind that his annual leave would be used up and he'd have an unpleasant time, most likely.

Yanbu.

Move the booking - dec / jan around Christmas is incredible.

I actually went in August and it was horrendous. I got heat stroke and remember vomiting off the side of that ton sawyer paddle boat thing.

Never again.

The fact that he’s including your children in the dispute with the comments is a big red flag. Alongside the other big red flag of thinking that just because he is paying for it that you have nothing to say about it.

Does he do this with other things ?

I would drop the argument about the holiday because like you’ve said he’s booked it and told the be kids about it and the expectation is set. He’s only going to further undermine you in front of the kids about it and it doesn’t sound like he’s capable of having a conversation.

What you can do is draw a line. Tell him that you won’t have the children brought into your disputes in the future and that you would appreciate that a place is agreed between the two of you before something is booked.

If he’s throwing finances around in your face , which sounds like he is in a roundabout way, then you need to stop and take a really hard look at your marriage. If he’s suddenly earning more or already has been he sees money as power in your relationship and that’s always going to be used against you.

You don't have to go, and you don't have to be grateful. If he loses money it's on him. Florida and Disney are amazing for children but it is a big holiday and if they're very young it can also be incredibly full on and exhausting. You're well within your rights to point blank refuse. He can go on his own if he insists and if he doesn't - let him sulk.

Disney let you change the holiday multiple times. Personally if you have the dining plan I found it quite cheap to eat there- especially at the quick service dining with kids! X

Not unreasonable !! two weeks in disney sounds like my idea of hell . Two days tops!!!

Your 'D'H is being a total dick. Who goes and puts a deposit on a holiday that their wife has explicitly said they don't want to go on?

As for losing the money, you should be able to transfer the deposit to another holiday with the same provider, I would think. I would call and find out.

The holiday sounds like the tip of the iceberg though.

We went to Florida this year in July, it was unbearably hot (37c but felt like 45 with humidity). There were also downpours and thunderstorms which did pass quickly but being caught in them was miserable. My DC are 10 & 8 and wouldn’t entertain going to any park in the heat to queue for hours. I’ve been to Florida many times and wouldn’t recommend July/August.
I would be inclined to change the holiday to somewhere else if you can, Florida certainly isn’t cheap once you’re there!

If you're within 14 days of making the booking and he booked it directly with Disney, he should be able to cancel and get his money back anyway. The same is generally true with other companies too. If it's more than 14 days, it's £50 per person to cancel (with Disney) so he'd lose what, £200... tough cheese.
Agree with other PP, August is not a great time to go, Easter is better if you need it to be 2 weeks.

This is controversial but could it be moved to another time? Maybe over the May holiday and take kids out of school with either side to make the 2 weeks?
Several parents in my class did that this year and the weather wasn't too hot.
Obviously its up to each parent if they are happy to do that.

The kids will be 9 and 11 by the time we go (I’ve probably made them sound a lot younger in the original post) so I’m many ways you could say they are at the magical age for Disney. However my youngest in particular is quite young for her age and not particularly fond of fast rides and water slides (I know there is more the Disney than this but obviously it’s a part) and like I said from our previous trip to Paris, it just not sure it will be the best for her especially if the weather conditions are bad. I just feel sometimes my husband thinks more about what he wants than what is best for the kids/family

I’m confused. You’re married, presumably, as you say ‘husband’.

There is no ‘he’s paying’, it’s ‘we’re paying’.

You have much bigger problems than the holiday if neither of you sees you as a single financial unit.

You're being a martyr.

You said you didn't want to go so don't go.

I can see how he is confused if you keep saying one thing and then doing the other.