Husband booked a holiday I said I didn’t want to go on

[Catty6516]

Hello. Just looking for an outside opinion as I’m in my head about something and not sure if I’m being unreasonable

A while back a discussion came up about holidays next year and my husband really wanted to go to disney world in Florida.

Although I love Disney I said I don’t want to go next year. For a number of reasons really. We’re having some big work done on our house this autumn which is obviously costly.
also we went to Disney Paris last year and whilst we had a good time overall I really wouldn’t say that my kids were that enthralled with it (particularly my youngest whose behaviour wasn’t great whilst we were there) and so the thought of going for two weeks when it’s also going to be really hot and humid (August) just didn’t really appeal to me.
like I said I love Disney and it definitely wasn’t a never want to go but just not at the moment. I was happy to wait until the girls are a little older and maybe we will get more from it as it really such an expensive holiday.

anyway he has gone and booked it without consulting me. Well the deposit anyway. its cause tension as I feel betrayed that he’s just not listened to be or even discussed it further and just gone ahead. So now I feel backed into a corner as if we are to cancel we will lose hundreds of pounds.

He has said that he will fund the trip as he has more financial means, however my concern here is that although that will cover the holiday and a basic meal package (which obviously I would be very grateful for) I do still think it is the type of holiday that you need quite a bit saved up for and I don’t feel in a comfortable position for it at all.

he just doesn’t get it as he says he’s paying what am I moaning about but think it’s more the fact that he’s done something specifically said I don’t want to do. But now he’s making me the bad guy ‘mummy doesn’t want to go’ saying things like him and my eldest will just go on there own. Throwing things in my face like ‘fine we will just stay here and do nothing’ which is ridiculous and we do loads of nice trips and holidays (UK/europe) he just seems to have it in his head that is Florida or nothing.

like I said I’m so grateful that this is a possibility for us but just think it’s maybe a greater problem that’s been brought to the surface through this.

any outside perspective would be good. Thanks xxx

So he's booked a thing you said you didn't want, he's bullying you and trying to emotionally manipulate you into going and he's undermining you in front of your children.

You have more problems than a couple of weeks in a hot humid disney nightmare

He sounds awful.

The way out of this is to have a conversation with him (no kids involved) about the practicalities he's overlooked, and your wishes he trod into the dirt. He needs to cancel or change the dates.
He also needs to apologise to you for how he's treated you.

Then the two of you present a united front to your kids and explain the holiday was a lovely idea, but booked impulsively and has now been altered to meet the needs of the family.

If he can't do this, I wouldn't give him houseroom

Don’t tell him not to take the youngest, the fucker will present that as he’d love to take the youngest and it’s only their mean nasty mummy stopping them from going. Make him admit that he isn’t going to take both children on his own because that might be work.

These are all red flags for abuse:

• riding roughshod over your views as though you don't matter
• manipulating you through the children
• emotionally abusing the children by recruiting them into an adult argument/encouraging them to take sides
• sulking/manipulating
• lying that the alternative is to go nowhere
• telling you that you're stupid
• earning more than you and keeping it for himself (gives at his whim) rather than having a family pot

It’s bad enough that he booked it after you said no, but unforgivable that he’s told the children and is getting them to take his side. I would be furious at that.
I’ve been to Florida in August and it was very , very hot and very humid. I hate hot weather, but survived unscathed. It did rain a lot, but in short, heavy bursts. The heavens would open and it was like having buckets of water poured over your head. I actually liked it, as you could cool down and in fact you dried off very quickly because of the heat.
if you do go, my advice is not to go the parks every day. It’s exhausting, so pace yourselves. But you are well within your rights to say no or postpone.

Next time you choose

Firstly I’d ask him who he is going with given I said no Secondly I’d express my pleasure at having 2 weeks to myself whilst he and the kids are away.
Seriously though, I would stick to my guns and say I said no and I meant it. However I would say I’m happy to consider it at a different time and propose rebooking to a more convenient opportunity.
i also, given you are married, would have a look at what you can change about how finances are managed in your marriage. This to me is actually the greatest concern. He spends large sums not only without consulting you, but expressly against your wishes. It appears he earns / has access to more than you. Is this because you need to prioritise house and childcare? If so, and he won’t start to consider it ‘our’ money, I’d be looking for a full time job / higher paid job and letting him know 50% of childcare and household chores are now his as you don’t have access to sufficient funds under your control.

Could you come to some sort of compromise such as one week at the parks and one week on a cruise (or whatever you like)?

We’re here now, coming to the end of an 18 night trip and it’s rained a bit the last few days but for like an hour among bright sunshine!

Sorry OP, we’ve had the best time as a family! Got the full dining plan which has been amazing.

I would go for it!

https://www.bbc.co.uk/weather/4167147
Not sure if this link ^ will work properly. In Florida it's thunder and lightening with rain until the end of August with above 30C every single day. The humidity (77%) is similar to being in front of a hot steamy oven with the door open. Then contrast with polar temperature air-conditioning indoor, when you will need to put a jacket or cardigan on.

Show him the weather forecast. Tell him you are not going in August. Your kids will probably hate it.

Disclaimer: Been to Orlando/Florida for work. Never been to Disney.
BTW I wonder if it's a lot cheaper in August!

The issue is he doesn't care what you want / feel.

Plus travelling to Trump America shows a fairly fundamental lack of awareness for me.

If you look at the % chance it’s 50%. What actually happens is you get a massive tropical downpour at lunchtime and then the sun comes out as if nothing happened. It’s warm throughout.
The other poster was on the coast and got unlucky. It’s a massive state. Sub tropical weather isn’t UK rain/sun.

The issue is he doesn't care what you want / feel.

Well that goes both ways. DH really wants the holiday. Op has said she isn’t adverse to going at some point. It reads to me like it’s Ops generalised anxiety putting her off, DH saw a deal and booked it.
Despite the renovations he’s paying. August is when the long holidays are and US kids go back to school. The youngest will be matured a year.

I think it’s more of an issue if Op had suggested something specific she wanted and he’d gone ahead regardless.

Next year Op gets to choose with no ifs or buts.

The easiest thing in the world for OP to do is - nothing.

Literally leave it all to him. No planning, no packing, no booking, no talking about it other than to say, you guys have a lovely time. I'll hear all about it when you get back.

If one or both of the children don't want to go then that's fine, they can stay at home with Mum and we'll do lots of fun things here.

That's it. There is absolutely no need to make a big song and dance over this.

Let him deal with the consequences of his own choices. OP can absolutely step aside. Just repeat to husband - do what you want dear, it's nothing to do with me.

You have to bear in mind that the rides close when there are thunderstorms - at least they did when I was there last some years ago in late July- so you might end up only doing a couple of things in the mornings and pretty much nothing at all in the afternoons (when the storms tend to happen more frequently).

To be fair, your husband can go on any holiday he wants, it’s not fair to vetoe his choice. If you don’t want to go, then fine, stay at home.

Literally leave it all to him. No planning, no packing, no booking, no talking about it other than to say, you guys have a lovely time. I'll hear all about it when you get back.

This is an excellent tactic from @WallaceinAnderland , I've used it before. It works wonders because it causes no arguments, since you are being so nice. It completely blindsides them.

While I get the strong temptation to say "off you trot and enjoy yourselves, see you when you get back." I wonder how fair this would be to the kids?

We always spend 14 days in parks. So much to see and do. It's handy if on a budget as tickets are paid for.

Firstly, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. The idea of my husband making such a big financial commitment without us discussing and agreeing first would upset me.

I think this is a conversation that is needed about you both having a say in big decisions and your feelings being listened to and respected.

However, having said that, I wanted to try and offer some reassurance if you do decide to go ahead with it. We went to Florida in August a few years ago when my DD was almost 9 and my DS was 12. (This was 18 months after a February trip to Disneyland Paris that nearly broke our relationship.) I had my reservations about the time of year, the weather and the crowds as well as the cost.
It was not a relaxing holiday in the slightest but it was magical! My DCs were the perfect age, my DD loved the magic of the characters and the smaller family rides, whereas my DS enjoyed the bigger rides. We did split off into pairs for some of it but had lots of time together too.
Yes it cost a lot, but you can do things on a budget if you plan ahead, such as taking snacks/shopping off site for food/buying merch from the outlets.
Join groups, watch bloggers and plan out your time carefully.
It was ridiculously hot and there were a lot of storms, but they were heavy and short and didn’t bother us much. Take cooling towels, neck fans and refillable water bottles as well as ponchos and you will be prepared for the weather.
If you do decide to go ahead with the holiday I hope you have a great time and your DH listens to you and respects your feelings going forward. xx

Florida takes a lot of planning you don't mention the kids ages but mine were 6 and 9 they loved it as the magic of meeting the characters was amazing we went back in their teens and it was totally different vibe. August not a good month avoid May to September it's hot and can rain heavily April is great and October.

Absolutely - power hungry, controlling big boss man.

I feel for the OP, her husband has no respect for her.

I think they are an ideal age to enjoy the magic of it all but the time of year I'd reconsider make it later in the year will give you more time to plan and save. Look in to a villa rather than stay on parks it's much more chill but you'd need a car and to book flights separately Windsor hills is a great place its a gated community and you can rent a town house with your own dip pool we had a star wars themed villa saw it on vrbo but i booked it privately with the owners there's a massive Walmart right nearby you get some downtime in a villa to recharge. It's a great experience and if done right you'll have an amazing time.

The issue here in this marriage is that DH is the boss and doesn't allow his wife to make decisions. He's a controlling wanker.

I went to Disney in late August one year and it was very hot, BUT we found it manageable and had a great time. I did plan the days very thoroughly. It was incomparably better than Disney Paris; we liked Hollywood Studios and Animal Kingdom more than Magic Kingdom. We also loved Universal because we are massive Harry Potter fans. We also went to the space centre. Easily filled a 10 day trip combined with travel. We had had enough of theme parks by the end.

However, I would be extremely unimpressed if DH booked an expensive, supposedly family holiday that I'd explicitly said no to. Wherever it was to. I would say there are deeper issues here.

I expect he did get a good deal and no doubt he's proud of himself, but from what knowledgeable people are saying about Florida in August I think we can now see why.

He is dramatically missing the point. He needs to explain how in his head it is okay for him to discuss the idea with you, ignore everything you have said, go ahead with it anyway, and then invite the children to take sides.

He is behaving like a primary schoolgirl of the sort I didn't like around my daughters. And how come he's put down a non-refundable deposit? I have to say this doesn't say much for his financial acumen either.

You are not being unreasonable. Put your foot down, scratch the trip next year and tell the girls they shall go to Disney but at a sensible time and with proper planning.