Husband booked a holiday I said I didn’t want to go on

[Catty6516]

Hello. Just looking for an outside opinion as I’m in my head about something and not sure if I’m being unreasonable

A while back a discussion came up about holidays next year and my husband really wanted to go to disney world in Florida.

Although I love Disney I said I don’t want to go next year. For a number of reasons really. We’re having some big work done on our house this autumn which is obviously costly.
also we went to Disney Paris last year and whilst we had a good time overall I really wouldn’t say that my kids were that enthralled with it (particularly my youngest whose behaviour wasn’t great whilst we were there) and so the thought of going for two weeks when it’s also going to be really hot and humid (August) just didn’t really appeal to me.
like I said I love Disney and it definitely wasn’t a never want to go but just not at the moment. I was happy to wait until the girls are a little older and maybe we will get more from it as it really such an expensive holiday.

anyway he has gone and booked it without consulting me. Well the deposit anyway. its cause tension as I feel betrayed that he’s just not listened to be or even discussed it further and just gone ahead. So now I feel backed into a corner as if we are to cancel we will lose hundreds of pounds.

He has said that he will fund the trip as he has more financial means, however my concern here is that although that will cover the holiday and a basic meal package (which obviously I would be very grateful for) I do still think it is the type of holiday that you need quite a bit saved up for and I don’t feel in a comfortable position for it at all.

he just doesn’t get it as he says he’s paying what am I moaning about but think it’s more the fact that he’s done something specifically said I don’t want to do. But now he’s making me the bad guy ‘mummy doesn’t want to go’ saying things like him and my eldest will just go on there own. Throwing things in my face like ‘fine we will just stay here and do nothing’ which is ridiculous and we do loads of nice trips and holidays (UK/europe) he just seems to have it in his head that is Florida or nothing.

like I said I’m so grateful that this is a possibility for us but just think it’s maybe a greater problem that’s been brought to the surface through this.

any outside perspective would be good. Thanks xxx

Oh gosh, that sounds awful. That was another reason I didn’t want to go as I am worried about the weather and he just makes me feel like I’m being stupid. He’s also got my eldest on side about it now so if we do cancel it’s me that’s the bad guys so just feels a shitty position xx

He's paying for it, booking it , organising it. Let him get on with it, I'm sure it'll be enjoyable when you get there.

Oh no I haven’t seen that, will have to look. The weather is also a big worry for me at that time of year but he thinks I’m being silly.

I LOVE Disney and my husband doesn’t like it but tolerates it because the children and I love it, but 3-4 days is an our MAX! And we would never go in the August heat of Florida. Bleurgh!!!! It’s going to be so miserable at that time of year 😭 I wouldn’t be going in August. Why would he not book Disneyland California if he wants to go in August? Or book for winter time in Florida when it will still be great weather (hoping there’s no hurricanes of course).

Why can't he go by himself with all kids?

Yes I know a family (admittedly its more than a few years ago) who went to Florida Disney in August and it was shut down during their stay due to storms. But that's by the by and may never happen anyway.

I don't think that will change his mind tho.
You reasons for postponing it are entirely reasonable. He hasn't budgeted for the full cost of the holiday.

As the first pp said.. its more about the fact that you said you didn't want to, he didn't listen and went ahead anyway.

Now he's drawing the children into his massive sullk and trying to use emotional blackmail and making you the Bad Guy.. He really is a Disney Dad in all senses of the word.

If you do go, tell him clearly you won’t be contributing on holiday and mean it.

If he's paying and you're married, then surely you are jointly paying. I can understand August being a really bad time to go..I guess the kids not having benefited/ having played up in the Paris trip has passed him by. All a bit strange.. You're going to have to sort this with him OP

So you don’t want to go, one of your kids might not like it and your husband has booked it because he, an adult likes it.

Is he Peter Pan?

Please don’t say you are greatful for something you don’t think cuts it - be it for financial or whatever - it’s not a place to go ‘on a budget’ and there’s a reason ‘some ‘ places are cheaper in the summer - be it start of hurricane season, ludicrously hot, humidity etc - standing round queuing in high heat and humidity is not fun. Personally I can stand 40 degrees on Greek island sat under a tree with a book and kids in sea or pool ( although mine are now adults) , queuing at Disney world with over excited kids - nope!

We have family in Florida and it’s been constant rain and storms and unbearable heat and humidity! That level of humidity with the high temps
makes people pass out. Florida can be sweaty even in winter. Why would he want to book for the most uncomfortable time of year? Also depending when in August, most American kids are off school until mid August. So it will be heaving!

My brother lives in Florida and you couldn't pay me to go in the summer. We went in December and my daughter still remembers how hot she was (we live in Scotland so my kids really can't cope with the heat!)

It will be totally miserable and insanely crowded. And you can't possibly spend two entire weeks at Disney

Anyway... the actual point is that he is being really terrible here. No matter what the specific trip or spend or anything - if you discuss something and someone vetoes it, that's the end of that unless there's a further conversation. I cannot come up with any reason either me or my husband would make a unilateral decision about a holiday or new windows or a car or anything really - it's all family money and family decisions. He's being horrible here, is he usually like this?

also we spent close to $1500 on a 4 day Disney trip this year. Which sounds crazy but with food, treats etc it’s so easily done! So you’re right that of course you need spending money. I dread to think what a 2 week trip would have been. My children are little so don’t even ask for much, but it felt mean having them around the shops constantly after rides and not getting them anything for 4 days. And if you stay off site you’re going to have parking fees or uber costs!

Some of the things you are saying here really raise alarm bells about the power dynamic in your marriage, that you are expected to be “grateful” for example.

people do say WDW in Florida is much better than Disney Paris but it’s also way more £££ in terms of constant demands on your purse.

He has said things like ‘well fine I’ll just go with the kids’ but I know for a fact he wouldn’t do this on his own!
my youngest one wouldn’t want to go without me. If it came down to it he would get my eldest to go with him but the thought of them two just going on there own makes me sad! That he would rather do that than go away as a family together! X

Just don't go.

You're damned if you do and damned if you don't now aren't you?

I would be tempted to hope for the best and plan for the worst in this case, with a bit of pass-agg thrown in. Tell him you're unhappy at his actions but as the child(ren) are now invested you will accept that its happening - this time - if he ever does that again you will take a different stance.

Then (and hopefully you drive) tell him he will have to arrange all of the passes, book the restaurants etc please. But beyond that, go with good grace and prepared to enjoy yourself.

Let him crack on - he may do it well and pleasantly surprise you.

Meanwhile, have a good look at things which aren't Disney in Florida that you and the kids would enjoy, so at least if (when) it all goes tits up you know the drive times and what is around to visit - everglades trips or alligator wrestling or whatever the kids would enjoy. Basically allow him to either succeed or mess up if he wants to arrange the holiday, but have a plan B if it is unbearably hot, packed or too many days at Disney.

He’s bullying you. No reason why it can’t be postponed.

Sounds like there's more going on here. You say he's paying for it. But he's your husband. Isn't his money your money and vice versa?

I think I’m the one who in the relationship who Always thinks about how the kids will cope with certain trips etc and mostly try and do things that we will all enjoy. Not saying that we pander to them all the time but at the end of the day who wants to do a holiday that the kids are just not going to enjoy as then it’s not fun for you. Obviously the kids also won’t understand about the heat and humidity but I just feel like it could be a nightmare! It’s the type of holiday as well were you want to look forward to and be excited about not worrying about it! X

Huge Disney fan here but August would be a straight 'No' from me too. It'll be hotter than hell and very, very humid/wet. Your DC will both be a year older next year anyway but could you move it to October half term instead or, if you can't get long enough out of school, December? It'll be cooler when the sun goes down but should still be shorts/t-shirt weather in the day though there may be some rain (just take a fold up poncho) or Easter '26?

Think that sums up how I feel ‘dammed if I do, dammed if I don’t’

yeah I also have moments where I’m like maybe I just go with it and will be pleasantly surprised by it all. However I’m also going through an anxious phase at the moment and so not feeling very easy beeezy about things if you know what I mean! X

Yes. Get a look at all the booking terms and conditions and don't take his word for "it cannot be changed."

re grateful etc... No. you will absolutely be paying for this trip too.
In terms of as you said him going on about it later and what a star he was to fork out for it... and in terms of when you have a buildings /reno expense or some other kind of expense and you have to pay for it all because he can't afford it anymore because he shelled out for the Disney trip

So yes. If you are a family... its coming out of what you can both contribute to the family pot. Plus it sounds like you will be in the frame for all the spending money. as he's made the initial big sacrifice. Did his booking include car hire.. another big holiday expense. Transfers at airports. Airport car parking.. all inclusive? (not asking you to say here but another reason you need to see the booking arrangements. )

Trying to manipulate you through your child is abusive to the child.

I've been to Florida in hurricane season, it's not too bad but it is definitely a bit of a gamble. I think the parks only had to close for one day when we were there.
It is indeed hot and humid but the Disney organization and Universal have it sussed with well ordered queues, in the shade, and giant fans misting you with cool air and water as you wait.
Unfortunately I can't address your main problem, which is your DH's behaviour in booking it without your agreement. And it is certainly expensive...