Husband booked a holiday I said I didn’t want to go on

[Catty6516]

Hello. Just looking for an outside opinion as I’m in my head about something and not sure if I’m being unreasonable

A while back a discussion came up about holidays next year and my husband really wanted to go to disney world in Florida.

Although I love Disney I said I don’t want to go next year. For a number of reasons really. We’re having some big work done on our house this autumn which is obviously costly.
also we went to Disney Paris last year and whilst we had a good time overall I really wouldn’t say that my kids were that enthralled with it (particularly my youngest whose behaviour wasn’t great whilst we were there) and so the thought of going for two weeks when it’s also going to be really hot and humid (August) just didn’t really appeal to me.
like I said I love Disney and it definitely wasn’t a never want to go but just not at the moment. I was happy to wait until the girls are a little older and maybe we will get more from it as it really such an expensive holiday.

anyway he has gone and booked it without consulting me. Well the deposit anyway. its cause tension as I feel betrayed that he’s just not listened to be or even discussed it further and just gone ahead. So now I feel backed into a corner as if we are to cancel we will lose hundreds of pounds.

He has said that he will fund the trip as he has more financial means, however my concern here is that although that will cover the holiday and a basic meal package (which obviously I would be very grateful for) I do still think it is the type of holiday that you need quite a bit saved up for and I don’t feel in a comfortable position for it at all.

he just doesn’t get it as he says he’s paying what am I moaning about but think it’s more the fact that he’s done something specifically said I don’t want to do. But now he’s making me the bad guy ‘mummy doesn’t want to go’ saying things like him and my eldest will just go on there own. Throwing things in my face like ‘fine we will just stay here and do nothing’ which is ridiculous and we do loads of nice trips and holidays (UK/europe) he just seems to have it in his head that is Florida or nothing.

like I said I’m so grateful that this is a possibility for us but just think it’s maybe a greater problem that’s been brought to the surface through this.

any outside perspective would be good. Thanks xxx

This is terrible behaviour. Like others have said he’s put you in a position where you’re the villain to your children if you cancel. He’s purposely done this. I wouldn’t put up with that.

Sorry but this is completely untrue. There are water fountains at all the parks and all of the fast food service stations offer free cups of water.

We go all the time to WDW. Your husband was very selfish for booking it and I’d be upset too. But you’ll get lots of people telling you that so I’ll give the practical side of it.

sounds like you’re staying onsite, the deposit is either fully refundable or something like £50pp charge, I can’t recall. This is unless he’s booked a package with flights in which case it’ll be more.

you said it’s the basic dining package? That will be the counter service. If you’re wanting to do character meals then yes you’ll need to take more spending money as these aren’t included, or you can pay to upgrade the dining package ahead of time for it to include table service (which includes character meals) personally we love character meals as it means we don’t have to stand in line to meet the characters in the heat, and it breaks up our day, we go for lunch in the cool and the kids meet some characters and get fed. But if you’re not fussed, the quick service dining plan will be fine, you wouldn’t need much extra spending money for food really, drinks yes unless you take them with you each day (I’d recommend getting a crate of water from Walmart for saving money and also utilising the free ice water in the counter service venues)

August is a month I personally don’t choose to go in. It’s too humid, too stormy and unpredictable and too hot. The evenings aren’t even cool. But at the end of the day thousands of people go in august and love it, it’ll be personal choice.

you’ll be using the on-site transportation everywhere which is free but you’ll need to sort out to and from airport (MCO is the closest airport but I know some carriers fly into tampa, so it’ll depend which he’s booked)

we do things like bippity boppity boutique when we are there, all their packages have the same level of care and magic, in that heat I’d take a light princess inspired summer dress for the girls with you, book the basic package so they get all the pampering and the magic but aren’t in a hot polyester dress.

you’ll want spending money for souvenirs, gratuity, if you go off site at all to do a shop etc but on the whole you can go out there with very little spending money and still have a great time on the quick service dining package.

But your husband is still an arse for booking it without you and even worse for telling your girls! My sister in law did this, put my poor brother in a right spot as they financially couldn’t afford it but he didn’t want to upset the kids, absolute dick move on her part!

you’ll have to make a judgement call. If you want to go but don’t want to go in august, December - mid May are the least humid months, I’d move it there.

oh one more thing, get to grips with the ride fast pass systems etc as if you want to use those then you need to budget them

Is this the type of thing your husband would normally do OP? Or is he trying to be nice and just a bit misguided, ie. Don't worry about money because I'll pay?

It's really wrong of him to use the children to manipulate you.

Who has he booked with? Are you staying on site at a Disney hotel? Most Disney packages can be amended so I would push for changing the dates if I were you.

hes a bit manipulative isn’t he? I’d plan a lovely activity this weekend, get the kids excited, and tell my dp I told the kids that he wouldn’t want to come since we do boring nothing at home and the only possible fun thing could be Disneyland. When he kicks off then you say I did not actually say that to them becuase unlike you I do not work to make their other parent look shit to them. But that’s very much what you’ve been doing with this holiday that I can’t afford, even the spending money will be too much, and if our uk weekend you paid for is any guide you will be a jerk about it for the rest of the year and hold it over my head. So I’m going to be more like you, tell you I’m not going, tell the kids I’m but going but daddy will take them, and you can decide if you take them or if you do what I expect where you tell our youngest you lied and you won’t. I will tell him I’m so sorry daddy wouldn’t take him on holiday, and tell myself I’m sorry that you’re a bit of a shit dad doing that to your child. Now how shall we do this? Like that? Or you cancel graciously? Or you pay spending money etc and do not say one word about how much I owe you. This is your choice, make it a good one. We have to head shortly for our super fun day out, are you coming or not?

find your backbone. You won’t be able to shield them from him by sacrificing yourself, so you need to push back so he knows there’s a line. He sounds awful though so I hope you’re considering options.

People are focusing on the holiday. It’s not just the holiday, it’s the lack of respect in the relationship that he feels he can unilaterally book this.

Some hard thinking about your relationship is necessary. he’s held the other holiday over your head. What about other aspects of your relationship? are you an equal partnership?

This is correct, Starbucks are especially good at giving massive cups of ice water and there’s lots of water fountains including bottle refill stations in several of the ride queues. The water is a bit metallic I'm not a fan so only use them in a pinch.

We have just come back from a fortnight in Florida. Yes it was hot, but we were prepared with cooling towels, fans and had lots of drinks. We also had 3 storms but they didn’t stop anything except sunbathing once and the others came in the evening, we quite enjoyed watching it through the window. When we’ve been in the past it’s always been May/June and the weather has been awful, huge storms lasting all day plus the American schools have broken up for summer in May so everywhere is really busy. They go back to school beginning of August so it did get quieter for us.

Our DD’s are 13 and 10 so a little older than yours, and we have been before knew what we’d like to do. Our eldest has adhd and struggles with lots of (endless for her) queues, as we didn’t qualify for DAS we did buy lightning lanes which were £££ but completely changed how the days would have gone.

We did mornings in the parks and then back to the pool for the afternoon to cool off and then either ate locally or used door dash.

For the first time ever, we found universal parks to be better set up in the heat than Disney mostly because of the drinks stations they have so you can access free water refills. We struggled with that in Disney as you had to go to the kiosks and they wouldn’t refill our bottles, only give us a cup. They also had big air con units set up around the parks.

We were really nervous about the weather before we went, but it’s the best we’ve had it in 5 or more trips. That being said, if we go again we’ve said it will be November-March!

YANBU. Who does he think he is? He's trying to wield power over you because he earns more money and it's not on.

I would make him cancel, lose the deposit if necessary, and book a holiday everyone wants to go on.

Or spend the money on marriage counselling.

This is the big thing.

OP said no but now people are telling her to roll over and do all the planning. Why ?

Booking holidays are supposed to be family decisions. I find it madness that your DH can book such an expensive holiday for the family, not only without consulting you but against your wishes

I'll go with him if you don't want to!

I've not been abroad in donkeys!

Would be a flat no from me.

I get he’s an arse for booking without you.

However if he has found a super cheap deal, they can go quickly. It’s always going to be more expensive in a couple of years isn’t it.

He’s paying so I guess you can afford it even with the renovations. Perhaps now you have a definite plan it will be easier to save or earn extra holiday money, knowing you only have 11 months. I find saving for two 2 years impossible as there is always something that comes up.

Here is where I think you have scope to change your thinking. Not every holiday has to be the "family together". It is okay to have some family holidays and some separate holidays.
Indeed, as they head into their teens there will be more and more trips that are separate, such as school trips abroad, scouts or guides camping, going away with friends' families, etc.

Given that you don't want to go, and the youngest won't cope with it, tell him to just take the eldest, while you and the youngest go somewhere she would absolutely love.
The children won't over-value holidays spent together, they are more likely to love being the sole focus of attention for a parent and not having to share.

Either that, or let him take both kids.

DON'T go on the trip yourself. You have to draw a line in the sand and stand up for yourself.

And his money is his money?

'He's' paying?

Some partnership

As a few other PP have said, you need to let him get it on with it, for him and the older DC, but do NOT go yourself, and keep the younger DC at home as well, if necessary.

My DM has form for booking holidays and presenting it as a fait accompli. The third time she did it, I point blank refused to go myself, and I gave my DC the choice - older one went, younger one stayed home. It was the ONLY way I got through to her. This behaviour is so controlling. I'm still bitter now about the second holiday - a wet week in Cornwall, whereas DH and I had had it all planned (in our heads) to go to France with our DC. I couldn't get the days off from work to do both.

Also, my DH isn't that into holidays, so younger DC and I sometimes go away just the two of us - I would NEVER do what your DH has done - it's controlling, it would make him miserable, which I don't want, and it saves money if he doesn't go. We can do other things together that he enjoys more.

Also, not all kids are into Disney - we did Disney Florida and Euro Disney, and both my DC were a bit meh (as am I).

We went in August one year due to schools and uni
I sweated in places I've never sweated before or since.

You say he’s paying with “his” money, do you mean money he earned before he was married / had kids with you? Because any other money is “yours” together. Don’t let him tell you otherwise.

I wouldn't go. Tell your eldest why and stick to your guns.

It might not be as bad as you think. I have been to Florida 12 times, we have only been once in August and it wasn't really any hotter than it can be in October, the hottest was in June. When we went in Aug my son was 9 and he coped very well with the heat.
All the shops and restaurants are air conditioned, most of the queues for the rides are either inside or have giant mist spraying fans. It did rain, we had some impressive thunder storms, but I only remember it being a problem once, we had just got off the monorail and the rain was lashing down, we had to stay and shelter there for a while. Most of the time you can see them coming and head into a shop or restaurant, every time I've been the storms don't last very long and before you know it everywhere is dry again.

I would be annoyed with my DH if I had already said I didn't want to go though.
Tell him he needs to get planning, it's much more important to plan everything now they don't do the free fast passes anymore. You will have to book your restaurants in advance, you need to make the most of the free dining.

Take loads of breaks and use the hotel pool to cool down, the water parks are excellent, even if you don't enjoy the slides, there's plenty to do, lazy rivers and wave machines, etc.

The US kids usually go back to school mid August, so it's not the busiest time to go, other times of the year are definitely busier. So if you change the month the parks will probably be busier than when your DH has booked.

Make the most of it, I'm sure with the correct planning you will have a great time.

He's the aggressor here. If he loses money because he didn't consult you that's on him, not you.

The bigger issue is you've fallen out of like, at least he has. You don't treat people you care about like that.

I’m from Florida but have lived in the UK for twenty years and my kids have grown up here. We go to Florida every other year and wouldn’t dream of going in mid summer. Insanely hot, very humid and it rains most days (absolutely hammers down with rain for 30-60 mins), plus the hurricane risks.

If going to Orlando/Disney I recommend friends only go in May or October half-term (and miss a few days off school). The weather is warm and it’s not humid.

The theme parks are insanely busy in the summer and Easter. You pay all that money and then end up queuing an hour to go on each ride. We went in May last year and had such short queues for the rides - we went to the beach for a week during May half term, then did a week in Orlando when UK schools were back and Florida schools weren’t on holidays.

Weve been in August 2017/2018/2024 and it was significantly hotter in 2024 than the previous years, we would never go in Aug again because it felt so.much hotter.
If you do go I wouldn't worry about rain too much because it's much more typical to have one big downpour then beaming sun straight after, the weather on the other thread is more unusual.

However! I'd be so pissed off at him, we always agree on everything before we book a holiday so him unilaterally deciding would make me so angry.
It sound like you've got some dining credits but if it's the basic hotels.it isn't enough for 3 meals a.day so that will soon add up, and we've always paid for genie plus otherwise you'll spend all day queuing And I think it cost us about £400 last time

And the thing about buying water is rubbish. The water fountains are a bit grim but every food.outlet does free over water and we buy massive bottles of filtered water from the supermarket to have in TH fridge for the accommodation.