To think son should protect his interests

[GiddyOrca]

My son has told me he is considering leaving his wife and wanted to know if he could return home - I said yet.

He has fleetingly mentioned issues within the marriage in the past, but I hadn't realised his were so bad.

They are undertaking a large and expensive home refurbishment which has gone drastically wrong - incomplete, behind schedule and over budget, which has caused the relationship to go into free fall.

We are NC with his wife, and she with us, so we won't be able to discuss this with her.

My son says his plan is to continue to pay the mortgage and bills whilst he'll living with us, but I don't see how he could do this long term. He is effectively penniless, despite having a well paying job.

There are 3 children involved, so I'd like him to speak to a solicitor to understand his position.

sounds sensible of course, does your son object to seeing a lawyer?
might help to review his income and outgoings if he has a good job that pays well there may be other savings.

How old are the children?

out of curiosity - were you NC with her prior to him disclosing that he wanted to end things/ move back home with you?

Best thing is to give your son's head a wobble and focus on the children's interests.
First thing - counselling. Even if it just helps them understand why they've broken up and what their new relationship as Co parents is going to look like
2nd thing - house needs completing ASAP. Can't sell a building site.
3rd thing. Decide childcare split. For now and thinking about why that might be in 5 years time.
4th thing. Split funds equally to move on on an equal footing

We have been NC long before this. She originally went NC but we tried to keep the lines of communication open for our son. We got tired of trying so just decided it was better not to engage with her.

They are all still in primary school.

So he's only considering leaving her but hasn't actually done so?

Yes, I think he should contact a solicitor and find out where he stands and I think she should do the same.

That's if he ever has a conversation with her and tells her he's leaving.

Is she going to continue living in the house whilst he pays all the bills? Does she work?

He can’t leave 3 children in an incomplete renovation! He needs to stay and get the renovation sorted.

He’s running back to mummy because he’s made a mess of things. So bad.

Why has 'he' made a mess of things and not 'they'?

Your son needs to provide for his family even if he isn’t living in the family home but I’d be encouraging him to get legal advice.

And the three children mentioned at the end after all the issues with the house…… priorities, priorities, no wonder you are nc with his wife.

Does the wife post on here. I saw a thread with exactly the same details posted by the wife last week.

He needs neutral legal advice. He has responsibilities to his 3 children.
As much as you want to support him,as his mum you’ll never be impartial
Your relationship with DiL isn’t the issue, remove that from the equation
Advise your son get legal advice.

Hang on…. He’s happy to pay bills and mortgage… okaaay. Who’s paying his share of the renovations which are currently happening? Renovations could go on for a year(?).
He sounds like a spineless mummy’s boy to me and you seem happy to enable him

How often is he having the DC?

His plan is to get the renovation complete and then move. It's the builder's fault but his wife is blaming him because he chose the builder.

He plans to continue to pay the mortgage. She works part time.

He won't have any financial means to stay anywhere but at home. The house and renovations have used up all their savings.

How do you work that out?

of course he should op.

good luck.

Do you have room for the 3 grandchildren too then?

He will continue to pay to get them completed. He might need to borrow to get the work finished.

You are perfectly correct. This is a sinking ship, he should get out ASAP and ensure he protects EVERYTHING.

Why wouldn’t the wife be responsible for any of the mortgage and bills? Can’t she work/claim benefits? Your ‘son’ needs somewhere of his own to live.

I think he should speak to a solicitor and find out next steps etc but leaving 3 primary school children in an incomplete renovation isn’t fair.

I understand renovation work is stressful and demanding. However, he needs to be certain that leaving now is the right thing to do as he may not be welcome back if he changes his mind once the building work is completed.