To think son should protect his interests

[GiddyOrca]

My son has told me he is considering leaving his wife and wanted to know if he could return home - I said yet.

He has fleetingly mentioned issues within the marriage in the past, but I hadn't realised his were so bad.

They are undertaking a large and expensive home refurbishment which has gone drastically wrong - incomplete, behind schedule and over budget, which has caused the relationship to go into free fall.

We are NC with his wife, and she with us, so we won't be able to discuss this with her.

My son says his plan is to continue to pay the mortgage and bills whilst he'll living with us, but I don't see how he could do this long term. He is effectively penniless, despite having a well paying job.

There are 3 children involved, so I'd like him to speak to a solicitor to understand his position.

You absolutely can sell a building site. They mostly go by modern online auction @GiddyOrca and that is where builders look for them.

I don't want him to end up with nothing and her to have a fully paid housez

This.

I wonder if the wife has any suspicion that he’s planning on leaving, or if he’s going to blindside her while hiding behind his mummy (who seems rather thrilled to be the confidant).

Fortunately, what you want is irrelevant.
It’s not surprising that MIL’s often get such a bad rep. Wonder why she went NC with you.

Well, it's not about what you want.

where do you suggest the DC should be living? Would he be happy to go part time to enable his wife to progress her career. Don't you care about the wellbeing of your grandchildren at all?

He definitely needs to seek legal advice. I've been in this situation. I left my husband and let him have the house. I thought I was doing what was best for the children. They came with me when I moved out and rented somewhere. I thought that when they went to visit their father, in their old home, nothing will have changed except that I wasn't there. I was so wrong. My ex-husband got the house and moved a new woman in within a couple of months AND her young children! My children would no longer visit him for that reason. He changed their old bedrooms, repainted them etc for his new stepchildren. So, in short, I signed away a house and lost thousands for this woman and her family to have a nice, free, home. Please don't let this happen to your son. His plans right now are based on his emotions. He's thinking of his children but the future may look a lot different to what he thinks.

If it’s in the children’s best interests, the wife could stay in the house. There are have been many stories on here over the years about ex-husbands living with their parents or house sharing or living in a one bedroom flat and struggling financially whilst their ex lives in the former marital home. It’s very common.

The first priority is a decent home for the kids. Why has he not brought them with him so they're still living in a building site?

It's a bit of stretch to go from bottomless money pit with no fund to complete plus mortgage on top of that to a 'fully paid house' - it sounds like that will take years to achieve. If they decide to separate, get rid of the house in its current state and walk away.

Stay out of it. It’s not your business.
Just support him to the extent that you can and leave the rest to him.

There are 3 children involved, so I'd like him to speak to a solicitor to understand his position

I'm assuming these aren't his children/your grandchildren then from the off-hand way you mention them - where is their father and why isn't he contributing financially? Are the paternal grandparents involved at all?

OP, are you saying that you don't think he should continue to pay the mortgage?

So just him? Not her as well, so he should pay all the bills, mortgage and reno cost?

It's not really about you and what you want though, is it?

He wants to bail on his family at the worst possible time and, somewhat to his credit, wants to sign the house over to her. Which is fine in words but in reality she can't afford to pay for it so it's going to be a costly divorce, sale and division of assets, Inc pension.

Why on earth would she want to be lumbered with a costly house they were doing up together? If she has any sense, she will want 50 50 custody and assets or will seek a ratio of the time she has the kids i.e. if she has them 75% of the time, seek 75%. If she is expected to continue with the majority childcare as it severely limits her earning potential.

You're living in cloud cuckoo if you think she will walk away with a cash sum of half the house equity.

I would advise him to get the renovation completed. He will need to continue to pay all the bills while this happens so if he has to move in with you, so be it.

However, longer term, he can only keep his dcs and wife in that house if you keep him for free. He can only screw himself financially if you help him do it.

Id say if he needs somewhere to live in the short term, you’ll give him a room and won’t charge him rent. If they are splitting up and want to get the renovation finished before selling up the house, you’ll let him stay free of rent until it’s done. But this isn’t an option for the long term. A year max. That way he’s going to have to fund his own living costs and will have to be sensible that the house will have to be sold.

His one full time wage can’t run 2 households of the style it had before. He can’t afford to just give her the house and him keep the debt from it. It’ll have to be sold, she may get a greater share of the profit, if there is any, but he can only do his plan if you house him long term.

give him 1 year. That’s a reasonable timeframe for them to sort themselves out.

Maybe stability of home is more important than living with some works going on.
Their school
Their friends
Their belongings
OP might be miles away

And "living on a building site" !
My DC went through living with renovations , it was hardly clamouring over bricks ans girders .
It's dusty and messy and things put in storage but perfectly do-able for the end result . Things don't go to plan of course and this man has picked The Wrong Builder !

Which part of anything op has written makes her seem ‘thrilled’?

Also all this ‘running back to mummy’ nonsense. Would you not expect your adult son to come to you if he needs help or support?

I expect because he wants an easier life.

or because granny will need to be childcare because he won't change his hours.

For those saying the OP should stay out of it - by using her house to support this, as a couple they’ll be bringing the OP into it.

He can only afford to pay the mortgage and bills and reno cost for his soon to be ex if the OP houses him for free (and I assume doesn’t expect him to pay a share of any bills). Her free house is the only way this man can walk away with no money and the only way the soon-to-be-ex can keep the larger house and part time working lifestyle.

The OPs best option to protect her son is to say no to him living with her long term. A stop gap while they sort their lives out. Not a solution until the kids are grown.

Eh?
If the OP said "he has three children" that would be wrong .
She didn't say "DIL has three children" did she

Massive reach that they must be someone elses DC as the OP hasn't schreeched round in a taxi to bundle these DC back to hers .

If he does need to borrow to complete the work then he needs to protect that loan so that when the house is sold he will get that out of the equity or she'll finish up with at least 50% of it.

Good point, I had not considered it at all but re-reading the posts and the complete non concern for them by the OP, they aren't likely his / OP's grandchildren. That changes things a lot.

House renovations are stressful. It sounds a mess and he sounds slightly naive regarding separation. Yes the work needs to be completed on the house but he should definitely get legal advice re a separation. If he gives the house to her how does he think he will live in the future.

Which he won't, unless he's a high earner and can afford to house his ex wife for the next 15 odd years as well as himself. He needs to be able to provide a home for his children too. It doesn't sound like his ex will be able to take on the mortgage herself either. So I wouldn't worry too much about that , if the time comes he needs decent legal representation. It's out of your hands really.

“I am actually glad he has the courage to leave her.”

”he doesn’t want anything from the house, he says he would sign it over to his wife if he could”

Yet here she is, recoiling at the thought that DIL could get something for nothing.

Perhaps the sensible thing would be for the husband to be communicating with the only other party in the marriage (you know, his actual wife?) instead of making plans behind her back to run home to his parents house?