Pants under skirt for 4 year old - DH and I disagree

[Thatsnotmynamee]

In short, I just had a weird conversation with DH. Our 4 year old daughter was wearing a dress with pants under it today. We were on a short ferry journey, it was pretty packed. When back at our campsite, I realised DH had made her put on shorts underneath. He later told me he had felt extremely uncomfortable on the ferry, that there are paedophiles everywhere and he cannot bear the thought of a photo of her ending up in the wrong hands. He also said he's already noticed men looking at her?? I was shocked, completely taken aback - my mind just does not go there, am I ridiculously naive? (I don't post photos of her online btw apart from my private Instagram and never exposed.)
But I feel so grossed out by this, I wasn't able to discuss properly with DH. There's a part of me that wants to insist she doesn't need to wear shorts. Is he being rational?

Honestly I despair. People On here can be so ridiculous!. Why should a girls pants be in display?. Are we teaching them its OK to show your pants?

That's a very good post, Flamingfeline.

Yes kids still run around, do handstands and cartwheels.

Normal good quality underwear is sufficient imo or else girls wear shorts and t-shirts. Shorts under a skirt seems OTT to me.

Paedophiles fancy children even if they are covered from head to foot, some may even have a penchant for a glimpse of shorts under a dress, I haven't done a survey, but we cannot spend our lives thinking everyone who looks at a child is a paedophile.

When I was at school we all used to have to wear regulation school uniform knickers, often navy blue depending on the school colours, over our cotton underwear. In some schools girls even did gym in those or played netball (we didn't, we had gym shorts for that). Maybe the regulation school knickers are due a comeback, they don't look as silly as shorts under a skirt and at least every child is the same.

For the people who think shorts would be uncomfortable and or too hot under the skirts and dresses, they aren't. My DC and most DC round my way wear bicycle shorts/short leggings, not thick shorts with pockets.
I was recently on a ferry with my DC, and the wind does make their skirts/dresses go up.
Op, a video has been doing the rounds on social media, a man who works in the prison service speaking about how many paedophiles are in the UK. It's something like over 2 million per year. Maybe your husband saw this video and it made him concerned.

Edited; auto correct spelling!

I get it. Little girls need the freedom to loll about and sprawl just like boys. Perhaps leggings or soft trousers would give her more freedom. Yes, there are paedophiles all over the place. I noticed a few men trying to engage my child over the years that set off my instincts.

The reality is no one should have to waer shorts or tights etc to cover underwear when wearing dresses but if one of you is uncomfortable it such a big deal to get cotton shorts for your DD

my DD sat with her legs apart and I put her in shorts under her dresses to keep her modesty and because telling her to close her legs fell on deaf ears

He is being overly anxious. But the shorts under a dress thing is very normal. We do them if our daughter isn't wearing short style pants for basic modesty and to let her play/ slouch/ climb without caring where her dress goes.

I work in this industry. Your husband is correct. I am shocked at how naive posters are on here. The majority of photos found on networks aren’t the scary-basement type, they’re normal family photos that have been taken from social media or covertly of a normal child.

It’s why I’ll never understand parents posting their children on social media, locked down or not, and your husband is very aware.

Leggings and trousers are fine, but if a little girl wants to wear a skirt or dress then shorts underneath give her the freedom to do all she wants to do, while wearing what she wants.

What I have got from this is that littke girls underwear has become skimpier since I brought my DD up 20 years ago, and now everyone is wearing shorts under skirts.. Even adults. ( I don't myself)

Completely agree with not putting pictires of kids on social media. Whixh everyone seems to do regardless.

I can remember tucking my dress into my knicker legs, not to try to hide my knickers but to stop the dress falling over my face. I think the pants were more substantial then though. I don’t like the idea of little girls having to wear shorts under dresses, but I would go for the shorts style pants with proper coverage.

Why shouldn't I post a thread for support? It's not like I've pasted in photos is it? If you're hinting that I'm a troll just say it, no need for little hints babe.
Sorry to all who are troubled by this thread, I had no idea it was such a very common and dodgy topic on aibu. I don't need to hear people talking about what you can possibly see through gaping leg holes or whatever, and feel a bit shit that I've apparently started some kind of paedos dream thread when I just wanted to ask about an issue with DH 🫠

Yeah, he says he watched something about this, it may have been that video @DontStopMeNowGoodTime

I don't think you are a troll and I still think the way he framed it is odd, though in principle I have no problem with boy shorts under dresses.

babe

You can always ask for it to be deleted rather than "feeling shit"

If it's genuine, do show your husband the thread. It will be enlightening.

Troll hunting is banned.
Why does the husband need to be shown the thread?
I might have said " Lets put shorts under DDs dress so she can clamber about or in case of a breeze'. Not " Men are looking at her wherever we go". That's overkill, IMO

Of course you should be able to post a thread for support.
I did ask mumsnet to look at it, I said you were absolutely a genuine poster but that I doubted whether a few of the subsequent posters were - for the reasons you say. Some of them struck me as really unpleasant.
Thinking about the specific issue further, I’m sure that kids (girls’) underwear used to be a lot more businesslike until maybe twenty years ago. Everything has become more sexualised . And all of us are confused about how to protect children and also promote their independence.

Shorts are fine.

He didn't interrupt the day out to tell his wife that men were looking at their daughter. She later noticed their DD had shorts under her skirt and asked him why they had been added.

I’d be more worried about a child clambering around on a ferry. What was she likely to be able to do safely that needed shorts under her dress. There’s no space for cartwheels, handstands etc and climbing the railings is not a good plan!

When I was young (1970's) and also when my kids were young (1990's), girls knickers were bigger, came almost up to the belly button, wider gusset and firm elastic around legs.

From what I have seen in passing in shops, these days it looks like more bikini style knickers are being sold, made to look cute rather than being functional.

Both boys and girls can learn at a young age that nobody needs to see their pants and be helped by wearing secure underwear.

Not even related to potential paedophiles, just because it's polite to keep covered.

She was on his shoulders on the ferry at one point, but not clambering about apart from going up and down the mad stairs.
And no, he didn't interrupt the day we talked later on. He tends to be anxious and panic (and was brought up by a very paranoid parent), so I think I've got into the unfortunate habit of minimising issues :/ I'm a boomer parent at heart. I'm going to take his concerns on board though, as much as possible without going insane.

God what a world we live in
.You have to keep.a.bit of perspective here Op. Lots of years til she's a teenager, and then an adult.

Sounds very sensible OP. Sorry I didn’t mean to imply she was actually physically unsafe but I couldn’t really understand how on a ferry, he thought her pants would or could be on display. Ferries aren’t very playful places.

I like the Boomer parent idea. I’m probably the same or at least generation X!

He is noticing men looking at your daughter? How does he know they aren't looking because 4 year olds are funny / cute / she reminds them of their daughter etc? People naturally look at little kids

Also what did he think she would be doing on a ferry to expose her underwear?