Pants under skirt for 4 year old - DH and I disagree

[Thatsnotmynamee]

In short, I just had a weird conversation with DH. Our 4 year old daughter was wearing a dress with pants under it today. We were on a short ferry journey, it was pretty packed. When back at our campsite, I realised DH had made her put on shorts underneath. He later told me he had felt extremely uncomfortable on the ferry, that there are paedophiles everywhere and he cannot bear the thought of a photo of her ending up in the wrong hands. He also said he's already noticed men looking at her?? I was shocked, completely taken aback - my mind just does not go there, am I ridiculously naive? (I don't post photos of her online btw apart from my private Instagram and never exposed.)
But I feel so grossed out by this, I wasn't able to discuss properly with DH. There's a part of me that wants to insist she doesn't need to wear shorts. Is he being rational?

Yep, and some of the detailed descriptions here of what can be seen under pants will be appealing to the base interests of some of the readership no doubt. Ugh.

I work with sex offenders most of them are not old men.

I’m on team cartwheel. My daughter has always worn short style knickers due to her spending most of her life upside down 🙃 doing cartwheels or handstands or just hanging off the sofa like a bat 🦇

Ive never let my daughter wear two piece swimwear either. I just think normal
swimsuits stay put better and are more age appropriate. 10 year old DD causes a fuss about this every summer, but I’ve stood my ground so far!

I guess it'a all about click, engagement and revenue although imo MN should delete threads ion this topic. Glad my dc are older and I don't use MN for actual support.

Sleazy.

Maybe he has been reading about upskirting? I think he is being a bit paranoid. However, I actually think it is helpful to let little girls have shorts (as long as they are comfortable) under their dresses in some circumstances, so they can play more freely. I wouldn't think this is something to worry about aged 4 though. So sort of see where he is coming from, but equally wouldn't think to worry about taking a child on a ferry without shorts under a dress.

Has he had a bad experience as a child, or known someone who has? Tbh just reading a news article could have freaked him though and I do understand that. Have you read the NSPCC Pantasaurous book with your daughter, could this be a constructive way for him to channel some of his concerns into giving your child some knowledge in case it is needed.

Peodophiles dont need photos of your daughter. They’re more interested in traumatic images they find on the dark web.

A couple of years ago I would have agreed with you OP however there were a couple of incidents at a local park near my DGD’s nursery school which is part of the primary school . Groups of men were hanging around and filming the DC . Police were involved .
Nursery now requires girls to wear shorts under dresses .

Shorts all the way.

There are weirdos everywhere & I think people are making fun of your DP when actually his concerns are valid. I remember being in a large city with a friend and her 3 young daughters & we had to speak to an older man who was taking photos of one of the girls. She was probably around the same age as your daughter. So yes it is a thing & he is just trying to protect her. You only have to see how thousands save TikTok & Instagram clips of children of influencers & how the numbers of people saving clips jumps hugely if they feature just the child & even more if she is in a swimsuit or a cute outfit. It’s vile but to just ignore the issue & say parents are paranoid is a bit naive.

I wonder how Op's husband feels when he finds out OP has been discussing their dd's pants with random strangers on the internet 😂

@Thatsnotmynamee why don't you show your dh this thread?

I wasn’t going to put shorts on mine when wearing skirts, partly because I don’t really buy into the ‘paedo panic’ (they also wear substantial pants!) but they both ask for shorts in case they accidentally show their pants when playing. We’re also in Scotland so it can be a bit draughty!

I remember similar threads in the past too. I’ve reported it because there’s a distinct pattern to them.

I put shorts on my 6yr old under skirts/dresses because most little girls love doing handstands/cartwheels wherever they go and it makes me feel better

My dd5 wears shorts under dresses. It started when she was younger and would refuse to wear anything other than dresses. Her dress would come up on the slide and she’d get stuck instead of sliding down. So I decided to put shorts under her dress one day and it solved the problem. Now two years on she still asks for shorts under her dresses.

She also grows out of dresses too fast because she is really tall. It doesn’t matter if they are too short if she’s got shorts on, and it saves me buying her a load more summer dresses at the end of summer.

I'm with Dad on this one.
We shouldn't have to, but unfortunately there are a minority of disgusting men out there and most knickers cover very little.
He just sounds anxious and protective.

I think girls knickers are rubbish usually. Really thin and don’t fit well. We get shorts from H&M (frozen ones, none the less!) and they wash really well and are very comfy looking.

I agree to an extent except that, sadly, men that we DO know are the bigger threat. I have worked with sex offenders, and most of those who abused children were known to them. They were also some of the most polite, clean, nicely-dressed and charming men - no-one would have given them a second glance.

Very common where I am for girls to have shorts on under their dresses.

It seems to be a thing nowadays, I come from a generation where girls would tuck their dresses into the sides of their knickers so they could do handstands without the dress getting in the way (not me I could never do handstands). I notice my granddaughter always wears leggings under a dress no matter how warm it is. I really don't think things are any worse than they have ever been it is just more talked about and if anything kids should be safer than ever because they are taught and encouraged to speak out. Sounds like your husband is very protective of her I don't think there is anything sinister in it. Like I say from what I read online he is definitely not the only parent to think this way.

Its an overreaction BUT as someone who experienced CSA i am constantly analysing and overthinking situations that involve my child. I know my partner thinks I'm a bit paranoid about it. . . .but unfortunately if you have those experiences you see the worst everywhere.

Honestly I don't understand what the issue is. Kids are always showing their underwear when in dresses, is it OK for their pants to be on show?. Are pants not private?

People are just WOW!😱

I'd put my daughter in stretchy shorts under a dress. Children are so active and really pants don't provide much coverage.
But paedophiles aside I nearly always wear chub rub type shorts under my dresses because they often blow up in the wind and I don't want to my pants on display to the world.
That's just me though.

It’s encouraging at least to hear that kids (mumsnet kids anyway) are still running, jumping, doing cartwheels and handstands. I thought that sort of thing had died out, abd in fact locally we hardly ever see kids playing out any more.
They are safer outside playing with their friends than in their own bedrooms where they can talk to random adult strangers all day long.
My girls, growing up in the eighties, and their daughters born in this century were and are active. As kids They’ve always worn normal full size children’s knickers, with no need for extra layers, when wearing a skirt or dress.
Of course there are risks everywhere and we have to be realistic and protect our children.
But the emphasis on children - specifically girls - having to cover up reminds me of how religions over time in every country have forced a restrictive dress code on girls and women to avoid inflaming the uncontrollable lust of men.

He isnt wrong in the sense they could be anyone/anywhere. But i bet when it comes to people looking at her its more accidentally towards her when thinking about something or just coincidence.

I find myself staring at people sometimes but not actually. Its more im in my own world whist waiting in a line for something and it just happens. I also think we all do that.
Shorts I have always put on my dds under dress/skirt if we are going soft play or playground and such. And thats because they do often end up needing them.
My teens dds do this under school skirt but thats so they can sit on the floor without worrying .
My dh never mentioned anything about this but to be fair I always have sorted the clothing.