Pants under skirt for 4 year old - DH and I disagree

[Thatsnotmynamee]

In short, I just had a weird conversation with DH. Our 4 year old daughter was wearing a dress with pants under it today. We were on a short ferry journey, it was pretty packed. When back at our campsite, I realised DH had made her put on shorts underneath. He later told me he had felt extremely uncomfortable on the ferry, that there are paedophiles everywhere and he cannot bear the thought of a photo of her ending up in the wrong hands. He also said he's already noticed men looking at her?? I was shocked, completely taken aback - my mind just does not go there, am I ridiculously naive? (I don't post photos of her online btw apart from my private Instagram and never exposed.)
But I feel so grossed out by this, I wasn't able to discuss properly with DH. There's a part of me that wants to insist she doesn't need to wear shorts. Is he being rational?

Accident, no. Kids don't show their pants occasionally - my DD is always doing cartwheels or spinning around or tumbling about so her pants would be on show a lot of the time. But it's not OK for adults to be showing their pants a lot of the time - only occasionally and accidently

So what should she change - what she wears or how she acts?

Swimwear is fine as long as everyone gets to wear it anywhere, no matter how ill fitting. Men, women, children included.

You usually cross your legs if your skirt is too short to sit normally, but you can freely wear longer skirt.

You do, as an adult, yes. You do. But kids don't cross their legs. Neither should they have to alter what they're wearing. So pants are on show a lot, yeah.

Boys pants aren't. Adults pants aren't. Just little girls.

Adults and children are different.
I don’t get your point on swimwear. People can indeed wear it everywhere if they put a dress over it.

So just put them in shorts of it bothers you. Not shorts under other clothes which give complete coverage.

So you think my DD has to change what she wears. Gotcha.

Skirts don't give complete coverage. If underwear gives 'complete' coverage then you agree it's OK for all adults to wander round in them. That's great to hear.

Different how? Adult pants and possible genitalia is not OK to see: children's is OK. But only little girls - boys don't have to worry about it.

Strange way to think.

No, no. That's not the point of swimwear. Why do they need to put a dress over it? It's OK to see isn't it because it's 'covered'?

I’m an adult with zero fear of being upskirted and highly doubt anyone unwanted would see my underwear when I’m in a dress, but I always have cycling shorts on under my dress for comfort. Not because I’m self conscious and they’re generally more comfortable than knickers. In fact for most of summer I wear cycling shorts instead of underwear. It’s a perfectly valid fashion and comfort choice.

This lead has been an eye-opener for me. I had no idea that so many women were wearing shorts under their dresses. Is this just for mini dresses or is it for dresses of all lengths? And presumably in winter if you wear tights, you don’t wear them?

Navy blue with pocket for a hanky?

I think it’s good that he’s looking out for her like that. Little girls tend to bend over when they’re playing and play around with the skirts of their dresses and stuff. When I was little I was constantly being barked at by parents and grandparents about ‘sitting like a lady- not like that’… if I have a daughter I will make cycle shorts under dresses/skirts a staple as then they can do whatever they please without having to worry about that nonsense. I feel super self conscious wearing a skirt without them myself so I would want my daughter to be able to feel the same comfort and security. I wear a skirt over cycle shorts every day 😊

No, I think she’s fine in a dress. You think she should change what she wears and add shorts. I’m just saying if you think she needs shorts you could dispense with the dress…

It’s ok to see in a pool or on a beach. If not, put something over it. It’s about appropriateness for venue. But it doesn’t cover more of the genitalia than pants, so how come it’s ok anywhere? Since you think pants don't cover enough even when covered with a dress.

Why would you see genitalia when someone is wearing pants? It’s not ok to see anyone’s genitalia without agreement, adult or child. Perfectly decent pants? Not really an issue when flashed due to movement.

Complete coverage of genitalia. Convention is we wear clothes when not by a pool/beach. I know you know this stuff. Why the silly arguments?

She wants to wear a dress, she likes dresses and she should be able to do that, don't you agree? You think she's fine to have her pants on show a lot. I just wonder why that it, that's all.

I wear them because for one thing my thighs rub- I get shaver rash there and also the prickles grow back during the day and make things really uncomfortable and wearing cycle shorts stops this. Secondly I used to feel really self conscious in skirts especially it’s windy (which it often is where I live).

Cotton cycle shorts are super cool and breathable so I think the argument about people over heating in them is rubbish tbh. I’ve never felt uncomfortably warm in them.

It’s meant I can finally wear skirts without feeling uncomfortable or self conscious, so I love it.

I can’t wear tights (I don’t know why but the material reacts with my feet and causes them to have an unholy smell by the end of the day) so in the winter I now wear thermal leggings under my skirts.

I don’t know why but I’ve always felt really exposed just wearing knickers under my skirts

But why the convention if you're fine with little girls showing their pants when they're not by a pool?

Pants don't always give complete coverage. You know that.

So it's OK for adults to show their pants a lot, as long as there's no genitalia. Thanks for the clarification.

Said It's OK anywhere as long as it's OK for everyone. But men in Speedos is only OK with you by venue?? My kids would have her pants on show in every venue if it weren't for the shorts!

The only demographic you seem to think is OK to have their pants on show a lot is little girls. It's not OK for men, it's not OK for grown women, it's not OK for little boys. But little girls? Sure!

@Pollomollo ypu are twisting what I’m saying and being very argumentative. My position is this. It doesn’t matter if anyone’s pants show by accident. I don’t think women and girls should have to dress ‘modestly’.
I won’t be responding to you again because it’s pointless.

Convention is we wear clothes when not by a pool/beach.

Surely by that you mean we wear clothes so that we don't show our pants? Soooooo..... shorts under a dress for tumbling, cross-legged, cartwheeling dress-loving little girls. Do you see?

But I've told you my DDs pants would be on show a lot. Not just once by accident. I'm not sure why you seem to think that's OK for people to see, and I think that's a bit weird of you. Worrying really.

Unless you are Kate Middleton on an OFFICIAL engagement representing the country (and her pants were on show a lot back in the days 😂) , who cares if someone glimpse at your pants?

If my skirt goes up in the wind, who cares. Just look elsewhere, it's not like I am holding it up to my head.

But we're not talking about a glimpse. If it's OK for adults - men and women - to have their pants on display a lot then great. But it isn't.

So why is it for little girls?