Pants under skirt for 4 year old - DH and I disagree

[Thatsnotmynamee]

In short, I just had a weird conversation with DH. Our 4 year old daughter was wearing a dress with pants under it today. We were on a short ferry journey, it was pretty packed. When back at our campsite, I realised DH had made her put on shorts underneath. He later told me he had felt extremely uncomfortable on the ferry, that there are paedophiles everywhere and he cannot bear the thought of a photo of her ending up in the wrong hands. He also said he's already noticed men looking at her?? I was shocked, completely taken aback - my mind just does not go there, am I ridiculously naive? (I don't post photos of her online btw apart from my private Instagram and never exposed.)
But I feel so grossed out by this, I wasn't able to discuss properly with DH. There's a part of me that wants to insist she doesn't need to wear shorts. Is he being rational?

DH was looking at a little girl in the park the other day. Because she reminded him of our DD at that age.

He's a brown man so I told him to look away quick, given the current scaremongering. We are Gen X parents.
It is indeed a terrible world now.

Oh no, that's so sad that you felt you had to tell him to look away. I'm sorry!
If I see someone looking at DD or DS, I just think my kids are probably annoying them 😬 or maybe that they're being cute. I can honestly say I've never thought PAEDO. I'm still struggling with that bit from DH

I just used to think my kids were annoying or loud! One of them was a terror.

Maybe we need to go back to the 50s and 60s with voluminous school knickers, passion killers as we called them! Surely if a girl is wearing suitable pants then shorts are not needed, can't recall it being a problem years ago, I'm sure that 'next week's washing' was occasionally visible too.

Shorts definitely.

You never know who is about, sadly.

I actually agree with him. Camera phones are everywhere.

That’s heartbreaking

And also I think people should be aware when posting on this kind of thread that perverts use Mumsnet for wanking fodder and to be mindful about the information they share in response.

As kids to, would you be totally fine with her sitting with her legs wide apart with her underwear for everyone to see?
I have a dd as well and always use short tights underneath.

do you want to be the parent with the child fully displayed at the school play? That’s what happened at our class play, one little girl with her underwear on display and unfortunately had some wedgie going on , so something was visible. Her parents were bright red with embarrassment.

I don't think child molesters are wasting their time scrolling down MN threads for key words when there are millions of images and videos online for them on the net.

Safe from what? A paedophile will look regardless. They just reinforce the idea that women and girls need to dress ‘modestly’ to prevent men’s lust. It’s nonsense. And pretty dangerous nonsense too.

Or…we could tell them they don’t need to be self conscious if their knickers show. Generations have managed. What about swimwear? Should they feel self conscious in that too?

Yep. I read somewhere, and it was a proper study not Psycho Susie off the Interweb, that they estimated roughly 1 in 15 men are interested sexually in those under the UK age of consent. So some will be spying on and perving over 14 year olds of course, but many will be the same to 2,3,4,5 year olds.

The chances are there was at least a couple of paedophiles on that ferry. That’s just the odds. Whether they would do anything or actually take photos is another step, but they will be there, looking and thinking about children.

So I don’t think your husband is being completely out of whack.

We tell girls to be demure & not show their underwear at the same time as giving them dresses & skirts to wear along with little knickers. It results in behaviour change at a certain point & they stop running around with part of their energy always focused on how they are sitting, bending. It's really miserable & needs to be consigned to history along with a lot of things that used to be 'normal' with & around young girls.

Not sure I'm on the same tip as your DH for the Why's (though sicko's are everywhere, even on ferries!) but hell yes to big pants or shorts underneath skirts & dresses. Start normalising that she doesn't have to moderate her behaviour because of her clothes.

These Next pants look like they give really good coverage.
Some shorts knickers for girls gape at the gusset because they don’t have elastic around the legs. My DD used to refuse to wear them

Is it OK if your knickers show? Or women in general bending over on sitting with their legs apart and you can see up their skirts? What if some pubic hair is poking out? Or they have a wedgie? Is that OK?

Can men wander round Tesco in their Y-fronts? What about little boys having their pants on show all the time?

Shall we tell all of them not to be self conscious and carry on?

I never wear shorts under dresses, and I'm not about to start now. Seeing another woman's pants isn't going to give me a fit of the vapours.
Those Next pants are good, I've got them bookmarked. Thanks to the poster who suggested them

@TerminalMoraine
They're really good....originally discovered them when trying to find pants that wouldn't give DD a wedgie 😂

If they show accidentally, sure. Don’t really see the issue. Bit different from wandering around only in pants, isn’t it? Where do you stand on swimwear? Self conscious or not?

This is bonkers. Are we all supposed to wear shorts under dresses now? This isn't Victorian England.
How did the thread jump to women wandering around Tesco in their knickers?

next thing people will start asking for full leg coverage, then they will ask for burka. Where do we draw a line. When you're wearing a skirt or dress, you're not naked. You're wearing two pieces of clothes over your bottom. You usually cross your legs if your skirt is too short to sit normally, but you can freely wear longer skirt.

I don't understand this public hair thing - pubic hairs are normal on grown woman. I'm not disguisted by my hairs, that's soley on you. If you feel disguist on woman hair I wish you to choke on it. Figuratively, of course.

Also @Pollomollo a grown woman and a child arent quite the same, are they? If I flash my knickers it could legitimately be because I’m flirting. Or it could be an accident. That issue isn’t the case with small children. You’re sexualising them.

This. Men do stare and DD has been touched, her cheek and her hair - we both have. I dye my hair auburn but I’m blonde and so is DD. She’s beautiful, people stare and she’s painfully shy.

I’ve worked with sex offenders out on release so my mind absolutely goes there.

Of course there a peadophiles on ferries.
they are everywhere.
just like thiefs are everywhere.

i put shorts on my girls under dresses. Not necessarily because of peados but because we don’t go around flashing our pants at people on general. I wear shorts under most dresses too

I travel by the Tube. Occ catch a glimpse of an adult woman's knickers as they cross their legs. Big deal. Can't imagine wearing suffocating cycling shorts under my dress in summer.
This thread has really drawn some absolute loons ( not OPs fault). OP, you are sorted with the Next knickers.