Pants under skirt for 4 year old - DH and I disagree

[Thatsnotmynamee]

In short, I just had a weird conversation with DH. Our 4 year old daughter was wearing a dress with pants under it today. We were on a short ferry journey, it was pretty packed. When back at our campsite, I realised DH had made her put on shorts underneath. He later told me he had felt extremely uncomfortable on the ferry, that there are paedophiles everywhere and he cannot bear the thought of a photo of her ending up in the wrong hands. He also said he's already noticed men looking at her?? I was shocked, completely taken aback - my mind just does not go there, am I ridiculously naive? (I don't post photos of her online btw apart from my private Instagram and never exposed.)
But I feel so grossed out by this, I wasn't able to discuss properly with DH. There's a part of me that wants to insist she doesn't need to wear shorts. Is he being rational?

Two points my lawyer father was hyper vigilant because he was prosecuting paedophiles - only when I was clearing his house after he died and I found notes referencing some really horrible cases that I realised why he was lying like that but if your husband hasn’t that sort of reason for heightened awareness it is a bit odd . When I was a prep school matron a couple of the girls complained that the boys were looking at their knickers - the girls were doing cartwheels so occupational hazard and o told them to put shorts on under if the were bothered. My little girl cousin often wears pretty long tops with knee or capri length leggings which are very practical for active play but seems excessive to worry about wearing a dress without on a ferry

My daughter didn’t wear shorts under her dresses before she started school, didn’t even cross my
mind.

Then we were having an conversation coming home from from school and she casually told me that in the playground she had been showing a boy her private parts by moving across her underwear (we had already had the whats in your pants is only for you convo at this point). So I bought shorts for her to wear over the top of her underwear. They are also handy for the park
next to the school when she’s hanging upside down exposing her bright knickers to the world, she doesn’t want to expose her underwear and other people don’t want to see it.

What put that idea in his head ? That thinking is looking at a child as a sexual being ?
Most peeps wouldn't think that way 🤔

My older girls have chosen to start wearing cycling shorts under dresses at the age of 8 and 10. My youngest is 4, and it has never occurred to her. It has never occurred to myself or my husband to ask her to put shorts on. It is a strange thought…

Where I live techers also tell us to put shorts under skirts. I hate it tbh, but I don’t think they are 100% wrong. All DD’s knickers are boy shorts though which I think is a reasonable midpoint.

Your DH may not be being completely weird, there are weirdos out there. Theres a lot out there about CSE images being shared on-line. Maybe he watched something or read something which put the frighteners on him.

I wish it was not the case but agree with your DH.

Yeah, stick her in a burka and be done with it.🙄 FFS... why do females have to "monitor" themselves all the bloody time?
4yo is a time for innocence

How many of people witnessing those handstands had a camera phone? And surely the reason the jeans wearers were considered fast was because their clothing gave them the freedom from behaving demurely like the stocking wearers had to.

Clothing codes shape behaviour. Stick girls in shorts (whether under dresses or not) and their bodies can move freely and without restraint IMO.

Lots of reasons for wearing shorts under dresses/skirts. Especially if sitting on public transport (or a beach/grass) as the less of me touching what I'm sitting on the better. Long skirts are fine but leather/fake leather seats are sticky/sweaty.

As an adult I wear shorts to avoid changing and as I started chafing (seems to be a skin type thing) as a narrow hipped 12 year old it would have been nice for shorts under dresses to be something I always did rather than needing to have to find shorts for under skirts or just live in jeans ...

I wear small shorts under dresses and skirts myself so I don't see anything wrong with it.

Knickers were a bit more substantial in the past. I think navy blue school knickers were probably not much different to wearing shorts.

All my dds class have been wearing shorts under their skirts and summer dresses for years. She's 8. It seems to be the norm.
I remember other girls in my class shouting at each other ' I can see your knickers' so it's out of modesty more than anything I would think.

It's not that different to when I was at school and had to wear big gym knickers over my normal knickers. Several people on this thread have made good points about the prevalence of phones and photography.

Edited as I wrote difficult, but meant different.

I think the issue is that girls’ underwear these days generally has less coverage than it did when we were kids. I made sure my DD wore ‘full briefs’ when she was young enough to be flashing her pants to the world when cartwheeling and climbing in the playground. Like you, I didn’t want to make an issue about people seeing her pants - she was just a little girl and the school playground is relatively private.
Then I became a parent helper at school and realised that a lot of girls wear poorly-fitted briefs with gaping leg holes that show way more than anyone else needs to see and understand why the staff encourage the girls to pop on a pair of cycle shorts under their dress!

It's so sad we have to protect our young kids this way. But as soon as the kid, esp. girls are pre / secondary they are wearing very short dresses and skirts with their arses hanging out.
Personally I'm in the wear what you want camp for women but it is total opposite ends of the spectrum between the ages.

My daughter is at university now and we never put her in shorts when she was young.

Shorts over pants could be a recipe for discomfort and thrush?

Why are so many adults wearing shorts and skirts under dresses though? It would not cross my mind to.

Boys seem to manage with pants under shorts/trousers.

Another day, another Mn thread about little or teen girls knickers and bottoms 😏

Wonder what MN advertisers think about this recently poplar conversation topic?

Perhaps there should be a designated MN forum to cater for this rising interest?

Incidentally-I do hate it when people talk about girls “flashing” They aren’t “flashing”. Their pants are accidentally showing as they do normal childhood activities.

DD has long legs and likes short skirts so at 11 often still chooses to wear shorts under them. I recently bought a short dress with a flippy skirt and felt a bit annoyed out and about as the wind kept lifting it and I felt like I was always trying to hold it down, then I had a brainwave and stuck cycling shorts underneath. It was way more pleasant to wear and I was out and about without worrying about the wind, so maybe it should be more common!

I don't think shorts can hurt can they. Little girls in dresses are (rightly) not trying to be "modest" they do handstand, cartwheels, sit legs splayed with knickers on show.

We spend a lot of time teaching kids that pants are private at school. Lots of kids where I work do cartwheels and wear skirts so yes, we do advise shorts and my own girls wear them too.

I sometimes wear them because I cycle daily and like to be able to climb things/ squat etc as needed. I like clothes of all kinds and didn't tend to wear shorter dresses in summer until I realised I could do this.

Haha are you kidding me? Her skirt was up, kept up because of the hard fabric do it was staying up, showing her private parts (since you had to nitpick on choice of words🙄) for everyone to see since she wasn't wearing underwear but you're siding with the mother telling me I should have just looked away and kept my mouth shut instead of warning the mother that her skirt was up? Or maybe it's normal for you showing off your kids naked on public transport.🤷‍♀️

Paedophiles can't cross water so you'll be fine on a ferry.