Pants under skirt for 4 year old - DH and I disagree

[Thatsnotmynamee]

In short, I just had a weird conversation with DH. Our 4 year old daughter was wearing a dress with pants under it today. We were on a short ferry journey, it was pretty packed. When back at our campsite, I realised DH had made her put on shorts underneath. He later told me he had felt extremely uncomfortable on the ferry, that there are paedophiles everywhere and he cannot bear the thought of a photo of her ending up in the wrong hands. He also said he's already noticed men looking at her?? I was shocked, completely taken aback - my mind just does not go there, am I ridiculously naive? (I don't post photos of her online btw apart from my private Instagram and never exposed.)
But I feel so grossed out by this, I wasn't able to discuss properly with DH. There's a part of me that wants to insist she doesn't need to wear shorts. Is he being rational?

He's a pretty anxious person, so this does track. I just can't quite get over the paedophiles on the ferry thing. I mean, I just cannot live our life like that, thinking that every elderly tourist is trying to get a photo of DD? I do think I can be quite wilfully naive sometimes which probably winds him up. Just truly didn't know who's being unreasonable

Sorry. Wasn't me.

Packed with? No.

Completely devoid of? Still no.

My five-year-old has little cycling shorts to wear under dresses and school skirts, for her modesty. I wouldn't want my son's pants on show either. Believe it or not, 800 men A DAY are arrested for looking at child pornography online. It's a huge issue. My neighbour was arrested for this last year and I went down a rabbit hole reading into it, which is why I have this terrible stat lodged in my mind.

Not sure I understand your point. Is there any particular reason why paedophiles would shun that form of transport?

As someone who’s worked with young dc, I approve of girls wearing shorts under a skirt. Unfortunately as a PP said, a lot of knickers do not cover everything and if little boys were showing that area every time they sat down crossed legs, we’d all be doing something to change it, so I don’t think there’s anything wrong at all in encouraging shorts for girls.

I’ve got mixed feelings.
I think your husband has a point.
I have recently been in the company of small girls in dresses. They were sitting opposite me on a ferry (as it happens) but the venue is a red herring.

I squirmed when the small girls put their feet up on their seat as they slumped and regrettably all was revealed. I thought I might say something to the mothers but kept quiet.

As a mother I’d probably put my small girl in “substantial “ panties that hold their shape and coverage whatever wriggling and playing they do. There are weirdos everywhere as Mumsnet will testify.

Thing is that boys don't generally wear skimpy clothing or fitted clothes. 90s kids dressed in baggy shorts and T shirts. So much better, let kids be kids

Rather than letting me inducing embarrassment on my daughter and me having to say to her, please don’t show your knickers to other people, she wears those cotton short bicycle shorts under skirts.. they were encouraged to cross legged in primary school and she likes to climb trees….

Pants should cover what needs to be covered. Make sure they do (sometimes they are too narrow in the gusset or too easily do a wedgie). The little shortie knickers are great for this. But pants do not then need to be covered by shorts.

my friend does it with her girls because she wants them to be active and not worry about showing their knickers. Other children can mock girls who show their underwear.

To me this is such a simple and sensible thing to do. It's hardly difficult for the parent, or uncomfortable for the child. I truly don't understand why some folks find it objectionable

He thinks like that because the subject of little girls wearing shorts under a dress comes up often recently. It seems to be a new thing.

I thought it was weird, looks weird too. By all means wear shorts but with a t-shirt, not under a dress. I don't wear shorts under a skirt.

I get that little girls are more lively than grown women, they run and roll around, their skirts can go up and show underwear but paedophiles find all sorts of things appealing, you really can't win. Decent underwear should be quite enough, frankly, or else keep her in shorts and t-shirt while she is lively. Poor little kid will get a complex.

Urgh not this again, we had a thread about little girls wearing shorts under dresses last week as well. Let's not talk about it anymore eh? We don't know who is watching.

Small girls have a tendency to jump around and flash their nickers unintentionally, i agree with shorts personally

Yes my DD wears shorts underneath her skirts / summer dresses etc. I don’t think it’s uncommon at all?

Sorry for the inconvenience, it's just something that came up in my life you know, as things do 🤔Thought I'd post about it because I felt confused.

Protect her modesty, shudder... I'm definitely not against getting her more substantial knickers (supermarket ones are a bit shit), and I'm not going to stop DH putting shorts on her. there's just a part of me that doesn't want to even think about it.

I wonder was he targeted by someone as a child and is a bit paranoid.

Personally I think it depends on what the child likes and really object to people telling girls to cover themselves up. So what if they do a cartwheel and their underwear is visible for a split second? In the absolute worst case scenario, they do a cartwheel and their underwear slips a little to the side, and someone happens to be standing immediately beside them and glimpses an extra bit of flesh in the vulva area. Is that really so awful? And maybe that person happens to be a paedophile. Is that really a scenario worth worrying out? They are a lot more likely to dislocate a joint doing the cartwheel or have their hair caught on something. It seems like a ridiculous precaution to take IMO.

I wonder was he targeted by someone as a child and is a bit paranoid.

Personally I think it depends on what the child likes and really object to people telling girls to cover themselves up. So what if they do a cartwheel and their underwear is visible for a split second? In the absolute worst case scenario, they do a cartwheel and their underwear slips a little to the side, and someone happens to be standing immediately beside them and glimpses an extra bit of flesh in the vulva area. Is that really so awful? And maybe that person happens to be a paedophile. Is that really a scenario worth worrying out? They are a lot more likely to dislocate a joint doing the cartwheel or have their hair caught on something. It seems like a ridiculous precaution to take IMO.

He's right and you're being naive to even ask this.

men and women of all ages do watch toddlers, generally concerned about their safety and what they are doing (often unsafe) while parents are distracted.
as for what is on display under a skirt, underwear should fully cover genitals and nothing should be more exposed than when wearing swim bottoms.

there are paedophiles everywhere though. And many of them structure their lives so they are in positions where they can access families and children. They are deeply invested in the “long game” and also opportunistic.

you have to be extremely naive not to know this.

IME men are often more aware of how other men think and operate. Women are more inclined to “be kind” ethos and this is a big mistake.

I don’t think it’s weird or unusual to wear shorts under dresses? I wear them under my dresses / skirts. In winter they also help keep my tights up.
I do it purely so that I feel protected when going up stairs / getting in and out of the car / wind when outside / bending / running around and after my children in various awkward positions.
I hadn’t thought about the element the OPs husband is worried and concerned about but I don’t think it’s weird for girls to wear shorts as then they can run / play however they want to, whilst still wearing what they like. Or as others have said they could wear shorts or leggings or trousers.
Do what promotes confidence is what I would prioritise.

It's not the wearing of shorts under dresses I find weird. I fully understand why parents put shorts on their kids, especially for school.
It's the interrupting of a family day out to worry about paedophiles in the vicinity.

So he's right that men are already looking at her. What do I do with this information? Look at every guy like a potential threat?
Im happy for her to wear shorts tbh, though there's definitely still part of me that doesn't want her to have to change her behaviour at 4 years old.

He said something very similar to your last point there about how other men think.