Has anyone offered to give up their seat on public transport just for being a woman?

[Spookygoose]

Was just watching this video clip of a debate about chivalry & feminism. Some guy said that he shouldn’t feel the need to give up his seat on a train for a woman, not a pregnant or elderly woman, just any woman. The other people acknowledged what he said as if this was an actual thing. Have you ever heard of this? Is it, or has it been in the last 20 years the expectation that a ‘gentleman’ should give up his seat if a woman is standing?? I have never heard of this in my life and would be seriously offended if a man ever tried to give up his seat for me just for being female!

It certainly is a thing and I've taught my boys to give up their seats too.

Do you not feel mild pain and discomfort standing at all, @Spookygoose ? I always have and presumed everyone did to an extent, alleviated by greater muscle tone? Or are there people who don't feel this at all? Curious now!

Yes, and I have seen men encourage their sons and grandsons on public transport to offer their seats.

You go on public transport and you meet all sorts of people with all sorts of backgrounds, cultures, characteristics. You can't sensibly decide they're all doing it for one reason.

If they offer a kindness I'm not going to make assumptions about them and throw it back in their faces.

I have been offered seats on trains before, and gladly accepted them!

I was taught this in the 1980s, but as something that was disappearing and had to be judged carefully.

I’d never do it now, though if we’ve got equal claim to sit (noone old, carrying things, pregnant etc), I think I’m slightly more likely to defer to a woman than to a man.

I've been trying to understand the "why" and I guess it's learnt behaviour that's seeped through the generations from a time when women really were considered weaker. The problem is, I don't think this necessariliy equated to respect, back in the day. One poster says he didn't really question it, so I guess he just did what his father taught him - which isn't awful. I have noticed it is sometimes difficult for older men, who now struggle with their mobility, to be given a seat by a women but as a frequent passenger it's necessary for me to do that sometimes.

When I did my knee and had crutches, I had to use public transportation more than normal. Once I was offered a seat by a 15yo boy. Otherwise i would just stand if it was busy. I do remember once going to the tube with mt legagge and crutches and one perskn clearly wanted to give me a seat but he was in the middle of the row. Poor man looked so guilty. It was fine, I can balance myself but if we are not giving seats for someone with crutches, it feels weird to talk about giving a seat to a visibly able bodied woman. It is just unnecessary.

Oh once in the train a man asked if I could get up so his son could have a seat. I said of course, got up. Took my crutches and went to stand in front of the doors area. I don't know if he saw them but he did avoid looking at the aisle for rest of the trip. I know i could have declined, but I appreciated him asking and I do think we should do that more.

I’ve been offered a seat quite a few times, usually by men my age or older. I used to turn it down and be offended but I embrace the middle age and grab the seat. Though I would always offer it to an older or pregnant lady.

I have always made my sons get up and let older people sit down. Hopefully they stilL do it. .

Whilst it being unusual and not everyone's thing, being "seriously offended" because someone has shown kindness seems pretty ridiculous 🤣🤣. If someone swore at me or something of the sort I'd be seriously offended, not for someone letting me sit down. 😂

OP were you born yesterday?

Again, with so many rules about how men are allowed to interact, is a man being kind such a bad way for them to interact with a woman if they find her attractive? All the women that have said they were worried about a man offering a seat to them because they presumed he thought they were pregnant when they werent. Is it possible the man found them attractive and thought being nice to them was a better way of breaking the ice than ignoring them.

I am glad i am past all this at 50 and married most of my life but if i wasnt then someone making a kind gesture to me would be extremely low on my list of issues with male interactions.

Yes lots of times when I was a regular commuter into Manchester ( late 20s/early 30s). I was never offended, just politely thanked them but said i was fine to stand.

I’m not sure why you are trying to paint able bodied women as some sort of extremely tired weaklings. I understand you have difficulties but lots of women your age and older are very capable of standing on a train and opening doors.

I've never seen anyone offer a seat to an apparently able-bodied woman over a man or woman with visible disabilities.

I think a polite response to anyone offering a seat matters, because it supports the cultural norm that being considerate of others on public transport matters. People in the habit of scanning the horizon for anyone in need to a seat on public transport are likely to offer someone on crutches a seat.

And if pregnant women should be offered a seat, offering a seat to any women of apparent childbearing age is quite a sensible way to avoid giving offence or neglecting that imperative.

I find it is usually European or American men who offer me their seat on the tube.

Yes, it has, enough times for me not to find it unusual. I’m 58 and I’ve lived in central London since I was 22. Can we please stop with the London bashing?

I would take the seat so I didn’t have to stand 😂 I don’t care why they gave it to me

The only time I was ever offered a seat on the London Underground was after Id finoshed the marathon, and another woman offered me her seat when she saw my medal. 😂 I declined politely.

You’ve taught your boys to give up their seats to able-bodied, adult, non-pregnant women? What reason did you give them? Other than “it’s polite”….because I know my kids want to know the reason behind every rule, which I give them, as that’s what I believe they deserve. Fairly easy to give a reason for all other groups of people: old people - often their joints/muscles/legs hurt, they get tired easily, pregnant women- same reason, disabled person - it’s obvious, parent with child - young children aren’t as steady on their feet/they complain a lot/they get tired more quickly. Women - errrr ???? Do any of the above reasons apply? No they don’t. So I’m curious to know what the reason is?

Women normally have lower muscle tone than men and may be less comfortable standing. Boys and teenagers trying to work out which women are possibly pregnant is not a scenario to encourage. No reason not to encourage boys to offer seats to women once they are old enough. Women don't have to accept if they don't feel they'd benefit.

Sorry but this is ridiculous “lower muscle tone” - we’re not talking about competing in a javelin throwing competition, we’re talking about standing for a few minutes on a bus. It’s not particularly comfortable for anyone, I really don’t believe it’s anymore uncomfortable for an able-bodied woman than an able-bodied man. Teaching a young boy that a fully grown adult women is less capable than him of completing such a basic task is really not doing anything for fairness and equality between the sexes

It's why I give up my seat for small children and older people of both sexes. Nobody is forcing men to give up seats; nobody is forcing women to accept them. You've asked for a reason and you don't like it. That's your prerogative, but I don't see the need to be so dismissive of other perspectives.

Good to see some parents teaching their children manners and respect.

What a weird statement. That poster seemed to be suggesting she was only teaching her male children to give up seats for women -- that has nothing to do with 'manners and respect', but with some weird reactionary ideas about female fragility. Teach your children to give up a seat, when they can, for anyone less able to stand. It's not a gendered thing.

Well said. Jeeez don’t teach boys that women are fragile creatures that need to be seated at all times 🤣 it’s got nothing to do with manners and respect, it’s instilling a harmful set of values into them about women’s capabilities 🙄