Has anyone offered to give up their seat on public transport just for being a woman?

[Spookygoose]

Was just watching this video clip of a debate about chivalry & feminism. Some guy said that he shouldn’t feel the need to give up his seat on a train for a woman, not a pregnant or elderly woman, just any woman. The other people acknowledged what he said as if this was an actual thing. Have you ever heard of this? Is it, or has it been in the last 20 years the expectation that a ‘gentleman’ should give up his seat if a woman is standing?? I have never heard of this in my life and would be seriously offended if a man ever tried to give up his seat for me just for being female!

assuming it was just women, what part of it was well mannered? I’m not having a pop by the way, you were very kind to do so but I wonder why it would be good manners specifically for women, in your view.

My London living sons (30s) never take a seat on the tube because ‘they’re not for people like us’ (ie strong, fit).

I’ve been offered a seat a few times since I’ve reached my 60s, always by young men, not men my age. I think youngsters are kinder than we think and I always accept.

Women are weaker than men. They are likely to be carrying around the same weight in terms of laptop for example. They have covered the same distance and number of flights of stairs, with legs that are a bit shorter. They are likely to be more tired.
I know my husband and sons are less tired than me at the end of a walk.

I’m aware in super endurance runs, women perform better than expected against men. We have some advantages.

Ordinarily however a mile is harder work for men than women- and that’s assuming women are able to choose to wear footwear as practical as men’s.

I had the opposite when pregnant
I was stood on an old train with only those swing bands to hold on to. Heavily pregnant at 8 months ( and I was a huge 8months ) surrounded by the WI on a trip. Young lad in the corner was the only one to offer me a seat. WI just talked around me and they all had to get out of the young guys way so he could stand to give me his seat

Normally I’d say don’t worry if offered a seat but on this occasion I made a meal out of shaming the lot of them.

A woman once gave me her seat just before Christmas when I was on my way home from picking up some last minute gifts.

I was probably in my early 40s so I don’t know if she thought I was pregnant or ancient 😀 but I did come down with flu shortly after so maybe she could see I wasn’t well.

I’m sorry to that lovely lady, I hope I didn’t breathe my fluey breath on her and make her ill. I was very grateful for the seat.

What an odd thing to be offended by. My son is 21 and will offer his seat to older women or men, any one pregnant or disabled. I've even known him stand for a girl of a similar age. He takes after my Dad, who at 89 will still stand if a woman needs a seat.
I have been offered one quite often too. No need to be offended if someone else has been brought up with different manners to you - just a polite no thanks.

Posters moan about rude and entitled men on here all the time - yet one who is an old fashioned gent is also offensive?

I am surprised you have never heard of it or seen it anywhere. Do you not read books, watch TV, people watch?

My husband does that now, he always walks next to the kerb. I think it’s nice to have respect and good manners.

I think it does put a long time ago - the only times I've been offered a seat in the past was when I was pregnant and once getting on a bus with a fresh plastered arm in a sling.

I know I'm getting old as I've been offered tube seats 'just because' a couple of times in the last year or so. I was slightly offended (hidden of course) but actually quite relieved to sit down as they were parts of longer out of London journeys home. I must have looked tired!

I’d always offer a seat to the pregnant or elderly or those carrying children or struggling
Im perfectly capable of standing and it’s just a matter of showing kindness

No wonder its difficult for people to find partners/lovers/friends these days if this the the kind of issues we have with someone being nice.

It must be so hard for people to just try to be nice or drum up a conversation with someone if this the the level of angst at being offered a seat. Is he calling me fat? Does he think i'm pregnant? Is he calling me needy? Is he hitting on me? Is he judging me?

Maybe he just wanted to make your day a little easier than it was 2 mins earlier.

On a number of occasions, men offered me a seat when I was in my 20s, but not the older women around me which made me suspicious of a lot of men’s motives. They would then try to strike up conversation and seemed to think it was some sort of free dating service.

Saying that, my son offered a woman a seat as she was carrying a heavy bags and a cat in a carrier and she was really shitty to him, asking if she thought he was weaker because she was a woman. With a mum like me, very much a feminist, he’s the last person to think women are weaker, he was just trying to be considerate and would have offered his seat to a bloke with heavy bags and a cat.

Yes to this. Although if I say to the guy no you have it he more often than not insists for me to have the seat.

I’m in my early 50s and have spent all
my life using public transport in London and the South East. I have never been offered a seat by a man just because I am a woman. When heavily pregnant, builder-type men in work gear would give up their seats and I would be very grateful. Men in suits - rarely.

I think it comes down to perceived ability to stand safely. I am
just as capable as any bloke to stand on the tube/ train/ bus. I am
more than happy to offer my seat to someone who I think may need it more.

My DH will offer his seat to a woman who he thinks is a fair bit older than him - 60s+ and I would expect our teenage DS to do the same. But not just any woman because she is a woman.

I am far more likely to offer my seat to small children than another adult because I know how tricky it can be getting little ones to stand safely on public transport.

But back to the OP, if blokes are moaning about being expected to give up seats to women in public transport because they are women …those blokes be lying.

I'm lucky if I get offered a seat on public transport as a disabled woman,never mind for just being a woman!

No but two fabulously curvy ladies in San Francisco allowed me to squeeze my massive English bum onto a tiny wooden bench next to them on a cable car. They were so kind and I felt guilty because we were like sardines but they insisted.

Perhaps its a good thing it is dying out given the recent study that showed boys who tended to be chivalrous would have a propensity to become sexist. It's not surprising when you think about it, they see chivalry as bestowing something on someone lesser rather than understanding that though women may be generally physically weaker, it doesn't make us less human and often we are the very backbone that holds families and societies together

https://www.stuff.co.nz/world-news/350535300/chivalrous-behaviour-from-boys-may-be-early-warning-sign-of-sexism-study-finds

I offered my seat on the bus to an elderly man recently, he politely declined. I'm mid 40s. A few minutes later a young woman tapped his shoulder and offered and he politely declined again. A few stops later a young man noticed him and offered his seat and he immediately accepted gratefully. At first I was confused then I realised it was because he didn't want to take a seat from a woman. I don't think I've seen that before.

Two middle aged men on the very crowded bus recently offered their seats to me and one other lady (both of us in our 70s). It was noticeable that two young men did not.

Yes, I’ve been offered a seat on the tube just for being a woman; under 40 (size 8-10 so obviously not pregnant).

I never really thought about it at the time, but that's what was considered good manners. My own view is that being considerate, while making interactions with others as pleasant as possible, is what's important.

It happened to me in London last week for the first time ever. I’m waiting to be prescribed HRT and was clearly about to combust into flames. I wasn’t offended at all, I don’t think the guy was thinking.. Weak little woman who can’t stand up, he clearly noticed how uncomfortable I was.

I think actually it is a hangover from when roads were filthy and horse drawn carriages would kick up lots of mud--the gentleman was protecting the lady's more elaborate dress!

That is such a shame. There’s not a chance I’d be offended. I wouldn’t expect it but I wouldn’t get my proverbials in a twist if I was offered.

I have noticed that men often seem more comfortable standing than women. My partner can do it for hours but my back and shoulders (for some reason) start hurting quite badly after a while. Maybe it is a centre of gravity thing as PP suggested.
I think that the days when women were automatically offered a seat every time are long gone, but I notice that on the train I often get offered a seat by men whereas my partner doesn't, and he's considerably older than me.

But why? Yes, as some posters have argued men are more physically strong than women, but we’re not talking about weathering an earthquake here! We’re talking about standing on your feet for an extended period of time, with minor movement. Ok, maybe if you’re over 50 it MAY apply (but that would apply to men and women equally). If there’s a 30 yo man and a 30 yo woman standing on a train, they’re equally as capable of holding onto the rail as each other and will get just as tired as each other from standing. IMO you can’t possibly call yourself a feminist if you would happily take a seat from a man who offered you it if you knew he was only offering you in based on your sex

So many people base their hatred of London and Londoners on one journey on the tube and feel it's genuinely acceptable to speak proudly that Londoners only think of number 1 or other judgemental prejudice. As you can see from this thread, people offering up their seat actually happens quite a bit and not everyone even wants it, so enough of the lazy judgement and stereotyping thanks.