Has anyone offered to give up their seat on public transport just for being a woman?

[Spookygoose]

Was just watching this video clip of a debate about chivalry & feminism. Some guy said that he shouldn’t feel the need to give up his seat on a train for a woman, not a pregnant or elderly woman, just any woman. The other people acknowledged what he said as if this was an actual thing. Have you ever heard of this? Is it, or has it been in the last 20 years the expectation that a ‘gentleman’ should give up his seat if a woman is standing?? I have never heard of this in my life and would be seriously offended if a man ever tried to give up his seat for me just for being female!

I mean it was the norm when I was a kid. In my experience, it started to change in the early 1980s. I was a young adult then, involved as an activist in left-wing politics, and that's when I first came across debates about doing it/not doing it (I'm a bloke, btw)

Heavens, no. People offer it to me when I’m on the tube with a baby and a toddler, which I appreciate but don’t expect.

I remember this happening in the late 90s. Elderly gentleman. I said ‘no, thank you’ but his equally elderly wife insisted. So I gave in graciously whilst worrying he was going to fall. Not seen since except within my immediate family where DH will always insist I sit if there’s only one seat.

No, never.

Even when pregnant and travelling on the tube/train, I was only offered a seat about 50% of the time and the other 50% had to ask.

Yes and I think it’s lovely. I would always offer to give up my seat for someone more
’frail’ than me. To me it’s just manners.

It used to happen all the time when I was young. It died out with the rise of feminism sometime in 1970s/80s.

I noticed when I was pregnant the only people who offered me a seat were young Asian men. Almost automatically, as if it had been bred into them by their parents. No one else did.

But why would a woman be more 'frail' than a man? Unless visibly elderly, unwell, pregnant etc.

I did finish my post by saying.....its nice to be nice.

Because I am even at a youngish age

Why should a man offer up his seat for a woman? This doesn’t make any sense to me and I’d probably wonder what other sexist views such a person had. I’d be rather offended

I love a chivalrous man and kids too who offer unprompted. I’d never take the seat of an elderly man but I have to say it does make me smile made when they offer. Manners cost nothing yet have massive agency

Yes, it's happened to me a few times on the tube across the years. Not very often.

My DH gives up his seat to anyone he sees standing!

I would selfishly like it to be a thing, but don’t think it should be/is a rule. It’s definitely not common - I get raced to a seat more by men than other women.

i do remember a couple of occasions where a man offered me the last seat available when we were both standing, but not given up for me

yep it does get respect from me and is always nice to see

I've had it before. Always from teenage boys. I thank them and take the seat.

I've also called their schools to let them know.

I’ve certainly had men offer me their seat (no visible disabilities, in my 30s) and politely declined! I don’t need a seat and therefore; first come first served. I would offer a seat to someone who was in greater need.

Men do it quite often in South Wales - mostly but not only older men.

I suspect it happens in places where there is, at least, a strong folk memory of more strongly defined gender roles. And it grandad does it and dad does it, a polite family-orientated young man will pick up the habit.

I am always very happy to accept. I have never come across a woman demanding it as a right.

The only time I've had it happen was when I was on crutches, which I appreciated. Wouldn't need/expect it otherwise.

I do occasionally have men offer to get things down from top shelves in supermarkets, which is more needed, because I'm under 5'3

When it’s 50:50 the woman still gets the seat.

I.e. when a seat becomes free, if there’s a man and a woman standing within range, the man offers it or avoids it, and the woman sits down.

Because the average man is physically stronger than the average woman - greater muscle mass, broader shoulders, narrower pelvis all means it's easier to get about/do most things including holding balance on a moving vehicle. Also on a carriage with say 30 women passengers under age 55, one in four will likely be menstruating, one may be pregnant/months into recovering from birth/miscarriage etc. Women on average face greater day to day bodily challenges than men, they just do. Note that I am saying "average" ie that it's the case at population level, which is the level that sets broad social behaviours.

Interesting others have noted that this died out with "the rise of feminism" - I agree that it absolutely did; patriarchy's peevish response to demands for equity being that equality means treating everyone like a man.

I offered a seat to a much older lady with her youngish grandchild in tow. She gave the seat to her grandchild (looked about 11 or 12). I was inwardly fuming!

An Asian older gentleman offered me his seat on the tube, I thought it was so nice of him as I'd never been offered before and took up his offer. He went and stood by his late teens/early 20's kids who berated him for giving up his seat - but didn't offer him the ones they were sat on. I wouldn't expect it but I wouldn't turn down a kind offer from anyone.

It's not just strength but centre of gravity, which makes women more prone to falling.

To be honest I think in most situations nowadays people only think of number one

Wow I never thought about that. Do you mean our body shape ie breasts? Mine are bigger than the rest of me and I always thought of myself as clumsy. Is that the reason then, possibly, for being a bit stumbly?