Has anyone offered to give up their seat on public transport just for being a woman?

[Spookygoose]

Was just watching this video clip of a debate about chivalry & feminism. Some guy said that he shouldn’t feel the need to give up his seat on a train for a woman, not a pregnant or elderly woman, just any woman. The other people acknowledged what he said as if this was an actual thing. Have you ever heard of this? Is it, or has it been in the last 20 years the expectation that a ‘gentleman’ should give up his seat if a woman is standing?? I have never heard of this in my life and would be seriously offended if a man ever tried to give up his seat for me just for being female!

Disagree. If a man wants to offer his seat, even if there isn't a significant difference in core strength and muscle mass in a specific case, let him. We know men and women have different norms here. No need to complicate it by deciding exactly what age / degree of discomfort / probability of pregnancy an offer should kick in.

Come on! If a young able-bodied man offered another young able-bodied man a seat he, and everyone else around them would be like wtf?! It’s being nice if somebody clearly needs a seat - if they’re old, disabled, have kids, pregnant etc. IRL I’ve never seen a man offer another able-bodied, young man a seat. Have you? Cos maybe that’d be a ‘nice’ gesture but it just doesn’t happen, so why should it happen to young, able-bodied women, who are just as capable of standing as men are?

IMO you can’t possibly call yourself a feminist if you would happily take a seat from a man who offered you it if you knew he was only offering you in based on your sex

What a silly statement.

It would be nice if anyone would give up their seat for heavily pregnant women on the train or bus. Didn’t seem to happen much when I was pregnant.

Why is it a silly statement?

I’m genuinely shocked at most of the responses to this thread, knowing that the majority of MNers are “hardcore feminists”, that they could apply such double standards. Kinda makes me devalue most of their opinions 🤣

I don't call myself a feminist and I don't think any of the women I know do

I think you need to head over to the feminist thread. I believe in equal rights but don't have any issues with a man been a gentleman. My DP will catty heavy bags for me, do the garden, sort bins put etc - doesn't make me any less equal or able, he just knows I don't like doing those things. I'm a big believer in masculine and feminine energy

Because feminism isn't only of one type.

Because it is a biological fact that women are in general not as strong as men, or else we'd have men punching women in the face in boxing matches... Oh, hang on. We did.

Because courtesy and kindness have nothing to do with whatever current and limited notion of 'feminism' you are expressing with your posts.

I wasn’t asking you or quoting you though 🤔

This has happened to me several times over the years. I usually politely decline, but appreciate the thought.
It isn’t because men think we are weaker or inferior.
It’s a sign of good manners and respect along with courtesy.
I have (I hope) taught my sons this.

@Spookygoose I know but I've not seen anyone this thread refer to themselves as a feminist and my comment was similar to this posters

I have never known any man give up a seat for a woman - as you say, unless they're elderly, disabled, or pregnant. I would never expect a man to give up a seat for me. Men need to sit as much as women!

I started being offered a seat on the tube when I was about 60. It made me feel old.
A decade later, and I still smile and politely refuse when it's offered by someone sitting down. I'm usually not travelling far enough to need it, and also we need to retain our balance skills at my age and standing in a tube train actually helps with that.
If someone's already stood up for me before they speak, I do take their seat though, as at that point it seems like refusing would make it awkward as they'd have to sit down again.

I see no reason at all why a man should give up his seat for a perfectly able bodied and not-elderly woman, though. And I'm surprised to see how many of this board virtually swoon at a man doing so. I don't appreciate being seen as weak and in need of this kind of thing.

No I wouldn't expect it.

I certainly wouldn't be offended if someone did what they perceived as a kind thing like that.

It would be a horrible reaction.

as a 58 year woman, I wouldn’t expect anyone to give up their seat for me, but I would give up my seat if I saw that there was someone that clearly needed to sit more than myself. I was travelling on the tube in London today and it was very busy with children due to school holidays and I noticed that most of the children had their own seats whilst elderly people stood and their parents stood too. When I was a child I would have had to sit on my parents lap rather than have a seat to myself and my mum standing

One of DH’s friends would never sit if there was a woman without a seat. He feels really strongly about it. He likes that saying: I stand not because you are a lady, but because I am a gentleman.

I remember it being that the children had to all get up and offer seats to any adults!

I have occasionally had this happen but mainly from foreign men.

It happened a lot more when I was in Oz though.

I think if you’ve been on MN for more than about 2 weeks you’ll know that 80% of people on here are feminists. Hence why I’m very surprised at the double standards being displayed here. You say you’re pro equal rights - doesn’t that mean women should strife for equal rights in every situation where they should be in an equal position to men? Eg. The workplace, parenting, education, heathcare, standing on a 30 min journey on a train?….its a bit ridiculous and condescending to say (as some PPs have said) that men are stronger so should stand. We’re not talking about men vs women in the World Cup! We’re talking about standing up on a train, where a woman is equally as capable as a man. If a woman of the same age gave up her seat to another woman, that woman would be completely paranoid that she looked like something was ‘wrong’ with her. If a man did it, it seems some women would blush, swoon and accept (then never ever tell all their feminist friends about it 🤣)

Yorkshire lady here.Travel on buses and trains a lot. Rarely had to stand, I give my seat up to someone who needs it and even then a man will stand for me.

I have been offered a seat in many occasions. Sometimes I will accept, other times I will decline.
I have never felt offended. If someone is kind enough to offer me a seat I will take as such.
Being offended about stupid things is such a waste of time.

I'm male, I would offer my seat up to a woman standing (or a child, older person or anyone who looked tired really). I appreciate the work of feminists but I'm not going to avoid trivial acts of kindness due to the tiny chance of offending one.

I agree entirely with your train of thought. Seats should be offered to elderly, disabled or encumbered individuals of both genders. Pregnant women of course, goes without saying. But I don't think that it should be expected that an able bodied man should offer a seat to an able bodied woman.

It's almost entirely a first come, first serve situation on public transport in London, save for the non-exhaustive exceptions I've mentioned above, and noone seems to complain about it on my twice daily commutes.

Chivalry should be appreciated, not expected.

I've been on mumsnet over 10 years. I don't think man offering a women a seat affects equal rights, it just shows manners.

I was at a train station the other week with a very heavy suitcase and the lift was out of order. A man offered to help which I greatly accepted and he said he wasn't sure whether to offer as some women would be offended. I don't understand why people with your views want to stop this kind of behaviour. I've carried suitcases for older people who were struggling- should we stop offering them help so ots not seen as ageist?

I think it’s shocking that people don’t give up seats voluntarily for pregnant women, and I’d normally expect to give up a seat for an elderly person.