Has anyone offered to give up their seat on public transport just for being a woman?

[Spookygoose]

Was just watching this video clip of a debate about chivalry & feminism. Some guy said that he shouldn’t feel the need to give up his seat on a train for a woman, not a pregnant or elderly woman, just any woman. The other people acknowledged what he said as if this was an actual thing. Have you ever heard of this? Is it, or has it been in the last 20 years the expectation that a ‘gentleman’ should give up his seat if a woman is standing?? I have never heard of this in my life and would be seriously offended if a man ever tried to give up his seat for me just for being female!

Men step in front of queuing women for the bus in my area, for many giving up a seat would be unthinkable.

I am in my fifties and have on several occasions over the years been offered a seat on the tube. Always by men in their twenties. I always accept and tell them it's appreciated. Partly because it is, and partly because I think it's a nice thing in society and I don't want to discourage them from offering again to someone else.

I have noticed on a few occasions when I've offered a seat to someone who looks more in need of it than me, all the men who had been ignoring them suddenly noticed and jumped up to offer their own seats. So we often both end up with seats.

The last time I was offered a seat by a young man. I was wearing an empire waisted dress, and was slouching (end of a long day). I declined politely, then realised he’d most likely thought I was pregnant. Never wore that dress again.

No one has ever offered me (58F) a seat because I'm F. I do however often offer seats to all manner where I think I can probably stand for the journey easier. That would usually be someone older but might include a younger guy if he was laden with luggage.

I rarely go far on public transport so I'm happy to stand in most cases to be honest. It can be easier as you can stand closer to the doors.

A lower centre of gravity makes you more stable and less prone to falling.

women perform better in balance tests due to the lower centre of gravity.

My 90 year old grandad used to try to do it. Thankfully no women took him up on it as he was not safe standing!

I’ve never had anyone offer to me in my 40 years of London public transport. Which is totally fine as a human being with capable legs.

If it’s nice to offer someone a seat, then surely it’s also “nice” to refuse and allow them sit down.

if you accept the seat is it “being nice” to then offer it to someone else?

Gosh, this thread is eye-opening! 😀

I'm mid-40s and men offering their seats or opening doors for women has always been a thing as far as I've seen. Not every man does it, of course, but it's very common where I am in NI. My dad always did it, my brother and husband (both 40s) do it, colleagues, strangers etc., and I am teaching my 10 year old son to do it. Why? Well, these days I really do think it's just taught as good manners, without any deep agenda.

My parents were very emphatic that it showed respect for women. I think there's a lot of truth to this and it's a bit of a stretch to say any man who does this holds sexist views or expects traditional gender roles. In the case of my own family, male friends and colleagues, that's definitely not true. It's kind of sad that people are so suspicious of everyone's motivations these days.

I totally understand able-bodied women thinking it's unnecessary, and I sometimes politely turn down the offer myself, but it's nice to be given the choice. I was also taught to offer my seat to anyone else who might need it (whether men or women).

But there's so much physical and sexual violence against girls and women these days, that a gesture of courtesy from men to women (however small) is ok with me.

I couldn't bring myself to be offended at being offered a seat on a bus/train for any reason. I might take up the offer, I might not but it's reciprocal...I've offered at times too

Yes. More times than I can count. I'm in my 50s and at one time it was very common for men to do this. When I was young id have been more surprised not to be offered a seat tbh. It still happens now and again, usually with men my own age or older, though occasionally younger men too. I don't think its because they think I look infirm, as I'm the picture of health, and when I've been travelling with DDiL (late 20s) we were both offered seats by men.

Spot on

I give up my seat if there's an adult with a small child. I had a panic attack years ago on a crowded train, I was hemmed in by what seemed like a whole lot of giants. I was in my early 20s and I am above average height for women but this kick-started claustrophobia for me. Some kids are probably totally unaware and take it in their stride but I always try to mindful of what it's like to be surrounded so closely by so many taller people.

I kind of expect it TBH, not on the Tube at rush hour but in a social situation or at work, for ex if we are in a room and there is a chair missing it is men who will stand up or fetch a chair from elsewhere.
My DH will always let me sit if there is only one chair in a waiting room, or stand up if all seats are taken and a woman walks in.

Not when you're pregnant. I should have clarified that - in a previous discussion on this people were adamant that, for example, 'pregnancy isn't a disability' and therefore women were somehow cheating someone out of something if they took a seat that was offered. When in actual fact the shifted centre of gravity makes it actively more risky to stand on moving public transport.

Large breasts can have a similar effect all the same.

Whilst it takes strength to open some doors it doesn’t to stand up on a train. One could argue that women have a lower centre of gravity and greater leg strength based on overall size than men so women should therefore stand for men. But that would be just as weird as suggesting women are too weak to stand up because doors are heavy

It happened to me recently. Twice actually. Middle aged man. Might have been the same man both times as it was the same train just different days and I am not good at remembering faces. Near London. I thought he might assume I'm pregnant but then I noticed he offered other (slimmer) women a seat too 😂

I was on a metro/underground train in an Eastern European city as a student about 13 years ago with a male friend. We hopped on, he sat down in what happened to be the last free seat and I stood by him chatting. He got shouted at by a man for not giving me the last seat, lots of obscenities and the man completely ignored my insistence that I was fine and didn’t need to sit.

I was on my way to Heatheow a few weeks on the tube and a man offered me his seat. I declined, but he really insisted, so I accepted. I don't live in London anymore, so can't comment on how often/seldom it happens. When I was young in London in the 1980s, it happened regularly.

If someone wants to let you sit down, it's not the worst thing that can happen.

I’m always surprised by how many people say they give up their seats on public transport. I'm a middle-aged woman with a disability. I'm clearly struggling and I wear a TfL badge that says “Please offer me a seat” whenever I take the bus or tube. And yet, not once has anyone offered me theirs! 😕

Men always offer me their seats on the tube, I'm in my 20s. I don't think I've ever stood on a train or bus! 😄

This suddenly reminded me of my dad, who would always insist on walking on the road side of the pavement when he was out with me or my mum ... presumably so any cars crashing onto the pavement would hit him first. You never see that now.

My dad always does this, he moves behind me immediately that we cross a road so he can be kerbside. He's a total gentleman and although it's seen as old fashioned or unnecessary, he does not feel it's anything other than courteous.

Children travel free in London. The guidance issued to my kids for their travel cards was that they were expected to stand and let adults sit. Small children should go on laps, but if the train’s that full, and your child can’t stand, wait for the next train.

I think you should offer your seat if you are able bodied to anyone either elderly or obviously heavily pregnant or disabled.
I wouldn't expect to be offered a seat as a non disabled non elderly woman.