I have a meeting on GCSE results day

[Bertybop]

I have a meeting on GCSE results day which means I'm not going to be there when my step son gets his results.

AIBU or is this not a huge deal? I don't remember my parents even coming with me to get mine, I just went in with a friend to collect them.

Some context:

My meeting means I have to be in the office which is an hour and a half from home (I'm usually WFH). I go into the office once a month for a compulsory meeting.

DH is also WFH normally but has just had a promotion which has dramatically increased how many online calls he has to be in and he's interviewing people (online) on GCSE results day as well.

DC's school is 45 minutes from our house (he moved in unexpectedly at the beginning of the year which is why it's so far away) so taking him to get his results is at the very least going to take two hours (to get there and back, collect them/see friends etc).

He's no contact with his mum.

I couldnt take annual leave for that day as I used my last day of leave for his 16th birthday.

I hadn't spoken to DC yet to tell him it'll be my dad (he's retired and he and dc get along really well) taking him to get his results but DH accidentally let it slip in the car yesterday that I had to be in the office that day (wasn't done on purpose, he was just trying to figure out what we were both doing next week). DC then told me afterwards that he was upset that I wasn't going to be there and was very off about it.

I understand he wanted me there but AIBU to think this isn't a huge deal? I won't be there in person but I would've rung him as soon as possible after my meeting. He's going to smash his results, I have no doubts about that at all.

I just literally can't do anything to get out of this meeting but now I'm feeling guilty as hell. When I asked people I work with what their teenagers did they said they just went with mates to get them. And tbh I would've assumed he wanted to go with his girlfriend.

It is a huge deal to him, life changing.

Surely his Dad could take time out of his meetings? Other parents will be doing the same.

Can he arrange for the results to be emailed to him from school? I know that he may have friends that he’d like to see but it would be the simplest solution

It is a huge deal, one of you needs to be there.

I drove my son to school and waited in the car whilst he went in with friends. Then he came back to car and all was good so he went off into town and I went to work.

If it had not been good he would have needed me.

I’ve not even considered that I should go with my daughter to get her results - I would like her to text
me a copy, and if she doesn’t, we’ll, I’ll take a guess at why!
she has to enroll for 6th form while she’s there, and then I’m hoping she goes to lunch with her friends to celebrate. She wouldn’t thank me for tagging along.

Every year I see kids go alone.

When did it become necessary for parents to attend? My parents certainly didn't.

I think it’s a shame if he wants you there.

I went with my friends on the bus. But then I knew I as going to get the grades for sixth form, we all did. If I were unsure and needed to contact places, a parent might be useful.

There are plenty of industries where parents just can't have time off for things like this. For most kids it isnt a huge deal at all and they prefer parents not to be there.

He is 16 and his results are preparing him for the world of work. That means understanding that some things can't be avoided.

OP if you can schedule a video chat as soon as possible after and ask your dad to take him for a celebratory ice cream then let him choose a takeaway for dinner to have a mini party to celebrate his hard work. Let him know you are planning this.

My mum came with me to get mine, I wouldn’t dream of letting my kids by themselves. Having said that, it’s an impossible situation, you’ve already said there’s nothing you can do. Could the meeting be pushed back? Or could you join remotely for part of the meeting and then join later?

If both of you have work commitments it can't be helped. Presumably he can message you both when he gets them and you can pick the message up as soon as you can? And someone is taking him to get them.

If it is important enough, his dad should have arranged time off.

Don't they get results by text & email at 8ish in the morning? (that's how it happens in Scotland!) Does he really have to travel to school to get them?

Take a day of parental leave instead of annual leave?

Whether it is a big deal kind of depends on whether he thinks it is. My parents were both out at work when I got my results, but they were keen & excited for me to phone & tell them.

My kids similar - they were keen to share the news with me, but I didn't need to be with them or have a full day with them. However, they might have wanted more presence if there was something like a conditional uni offer riding on them.

I understand the above, but the son has clearly said he would like a parent there.

Bloody hell. Yes, it’s a big deal, especially if he wants you there!

My son went with his friends for both GCSE and then A-level last week - lots of them do so I don't think there's necessarily an expectation that all parents will be there. But if he really wants someone, I'd say it's more his dad's responsibility than yours.

This is life with working parents.
DSC doesn't need you there. He can phone his Dad (or his dad can call him once he's out of his meeting). You've arranged for him to get a lift in to school to get the results, what more can you do? You might want to have a discussion about whether he'll want to hang out with friends and make his own way home, or whether he wants your Dad to wait for him, but realistically, he's a big boy now, this is for him to manage.
He could presumably get the results by post/email?
My DC had working parents, and there was no way either of us could take the day off to get their GCSE results. None of their friends had parents at home. It's not like A levels, when someone needs to be on hand to help make decisions re clearing etc. Most working parents can't just take the day off for this sort of thing.
However, you might want to point that in some schools, choosing subjects for A level is dependent on grades AND you have to sign up for the courses you want really quickly, so no waiting till the next day, do it immediately. If he gets his predicted grades then everything should go to plan. If he doesn't , then maybe his dad will have to have an interrupted meeting, or at least make sure he can call him back ASAP.
Don't worry.

My DC was in a tent in a field at the Reading Festival so I definitely wasn’t there!

Parental leave has to be booked in blocks of a week, in advance. The business can refuse to allow the requested time and offer an alternative time.

Neither did mine, it never crossed our minds, nor for my A levels - we all just went as a group of friends. I don’t remember anyone’s parents being there.

He’s NC with his mom, he’s got shit going on and he needs you OP. On this occasion I think YABU and you guys really need to work something out for him.

Thank you for the input! There's clearly a divide between people's opinions on this.

Further info:

My dad is taking DC to his fav burger place for food after to celebrate. We'll also be celebrating when I'm home. DH will be able to celebrate with him as soon as DC gets back too.

When speaking to DC he said he wasn't nervous and is confident he's done well. I'm also confident he has as he smashed his mocks. Which is why his reaction surprised me.

I'll arrange a video call with him as soon as I get out of the meeting. I wouldn't be able to go from the results to the meeting due to having to be in the office at 8am which means I have to leave home at 6:30am latest.

Don’t be so melodramatic.

‘Life changing’ 🤣🤣 honesty the nonsense some people spout on here will never cease to amaze me 😂

When the kid wanted you to perhaps?

Getting good or bad results can certainly be life changing.