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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I have a meeting on GCSE results day

218 replies

Bertybop · 17/08/2025 16:51

I have a meeting on GCSE results day which means I'm not going to be there when my step son gets his results.

AIBU or is this not a huge deal? I don't remember my parents even coming with me to get mine, I just went in with a friend to collect them.

Some context:

My meeting means I have to be in the office which is an hour and a half from home (I'm usually WFH). I go into the office once a month for a compulsory meeting.

DH is also WFH normally but has just had a promotion which has dramatically increased how many online calls he has to be in and he's interviewing people (online) on GCSE results day as well.

DC's school is 45 minutes from our house (he moved in unexpectedly at the beginning of the year which is why it's so far away) so taking him to get his results is at the very least going to take two hours (to get there and back, collect them/see friends etc).

He's no contact with his mum.

I couldnt take annual leave for that day as I used my last day of leave for his 16th birthday.

I hadn't spoken to DC yet to tell him it'll be my dad (he's retired and he and dc get along really well) taking him to get his results but DH accidentally let it slip in the car yesterday that I had to be in the office that day (wasn't done on purpose, he was just trying to figure out what we were both doing next week). DC then told me afterwards that he was upset that I wasn't going to be there and was very off about it.

I understand he wanted me there but AIBU to think this isn't a huge deal? I won't be there in person but I would've rung him as soon as possible after my meeting. He's going to smash his results, I have no doubts about that at all.

I just literally can't do anything to get out of this meeting but now I'm feeling guilty as hell. When I asked people I work with what their teenagers did they said they just went with mates to get them. And tbh I would've assumed he wanted to go with his girlfriend.

OP posts:
Badgerandfox227 · 17/08/2025 17:12

My mom took me to get mine, I can still remember it (better results than I expected) was a lovely moment. Had a little chat with friends and teachers and then went home with mom I think, called family etc and out celebrating with friends that evening.

It would be lovely if you could go, but I’m sure will be ok if not. Can your DH not go instead? Can you give him some money to go for lunch with friends after or something?

Theoldboots · 17/08/2025 17:13

It's no big deal.

Badgerandfox227 · 17/08/2025 17:14

TheSpottedZebra · 17/08/2025 17:01

If it is important enough, his dad should have arranged time off.

Actually this, time off should have been arranged by your DH, the date is know well in advance

KellySeveride · 17/08/2025 17:14

Changingplace · 17/08/2025 17:10

Don’t be so melodramatic.

‘Life changing’ 🤣🤣 honesty the nonsense some people spout on here will never cease to amaze me 😂

Show quote history

I think when you consider this kids backstory it is a life changing moment for him. His mom won’t be there because for whatever reason he’s NC. That’s hard enough for a kid to deal with, this is the point he meeds OP and his Dad.

Minnie798 · 17/08/2025 17:14

I think a parent should be available on results days, even if that means just waiting in the car while they go in.
Results days are known months in advance, so even with a promotion there's really no excuse for not having booked the day off. His dad really should have been on the ball with this.

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 17/08/2025 17:15

It doesn’t matter whether other people will / won’t have parents there.

what matters is that, after a life changing event where he no longer sees his mum, he would like someone to be there.

AmyDuPlantier · 17/08/2025 17:18

Since when do parents need to be this constantly available?! We have jobs and stuff. God.

Nottodaty · 17/08/2025 17:18

Some students pick up their results with parents some without - taking the lead from what their child wants.

What is his plans post results? I know for my daughter she didn’t get the results for one that she wanted to do at Alevels - for her school you pick up results and then confirm place at sixth form - she had to change an alevel and we sorted it all out same day. Is he worried with the changes in his life that he may not do as well, which is why he is hoping you’d be there to support him?

It’s tough for working parents, my husband always travels to America the week of the GCSE results he has already told work he won’t be available next year to travel as our youngest will be pending her results - she likes us to be there, but she might change her mind next year!

Dublassie · 17/08/2025 17:19

Our middle son will receive his Leaving Cert results here on Friday . I will be away in London with my daughter for our annual multi musical trip and my son will be at his summer job .
He will receive them online and will open with his pals who will be at work with him .
He will call me then and I will be home that day . I am WAY more nervous than him ....

Growlybear83 · 17/08/2025 17:20

Of course it’s a huge deal. One of you should have planned to be there - you would have known when results day would be months ago.

Sallycinnamum · 17/08/2025 17:21

DH and I have booked the day off. As soon as he picks up his results we have to drive him to college for him to enrol. Places are very sought after and we were advised to get there early to ensure he gets on the engineering course he wants.

Once that's done we're taking him out to a family lunch although he's convinced he's failed them all so might be a subdued meal if that's the case!

That said we were told this at open day last November so I had plenty of time to book AL.

I can't imagine sending him off on his own to pick them up although it often seems on MN as soon as kids hit 16 they no longer need parental support!

Changingplace · 17/08/2025 17:22

ns87 · 17/08/2025 17:11

Getting good or bad results can certainly be life changing.

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This isn’t about the actual results, it’s about the necessity (or not) of parents being there.

ns87 · 17/08/2025 17:23

Changingplace · 17/08/2025 17:22

This isn’t about the actual results, it’s about the necessity (or not) of parents being there.

Show quote history

That makes no sense, the consequences of the results mean he wants a parent there.

If the boy didn't want anyone to come, then it isn't necessary.

DelilahBucket · 17/08/2025 17:25

I didn't go with DS, he went with his mates. It wasn't cool to take a parent. I didn't go and get mine with a parent either.

Original poster
Bertybop · 17/08/2025 17:28

He doesn't need to enrol anywhere after, he's got a traineeship at an apprenticeship place already sorted.

OP posts:
CopperWhite · 17/08/2025 17:29

Poor kid. GCSEs are a big deal at that age and he’s got no one that cares enough about him to prioritise this day that he’s been working towards for at least two years.

Obviously it’s his actual parents are at fault here, not you, but it is very sad, and it is a big deal.

HappyByTheRiver · 17/08/2025 17:33

You're not his mum so I wouldn’t necessarily expect you to be there, but his dad should have planned better. I’m a SAHM but my partner booked the day off months ago. If he’d have left it, it would have been difficult to book time off and our daughter would have been upset. One of us will take her, she’ll get her results alone, but she wants us to both be free afterwards to talk things through and celebrate. Her older brother is home from uni and has kept the day free too.

It’s a huge deal, he’s made it clear and he’ll remember it. Poor lad.

NoTouch · 17/08/2025 17:37

It doesn't really matter what other kids do, for whatever reason, to celebrate or support, or just to show someone cares like his other friends will have, this one wants a parent there. His dad should have made sure he was available/saved a day of annual leave and has let him down.

I would try to make it happen if at all possible.

Zanatdy · 17/08/2025 17:41

One of you should have been there, that’s pretty crap. No parents came when I collected mine in 1993 but things have changed. We drove ours to the school and waited outside, at child’s request. Day booked off. My ex will fly home from working overseas for A level results day next summer. It’s a big deal and a shame his dad at least won’t be there for him. Thank God for your dad, not ideal but he has someone.

Mrsttcno1 · 17/08/2025 17:43

Really really sad for him that no parent has sorted to be there or available for him

tennissquare · 17/08/2025 17:48

I'm sure if your dh told his colleagues that his ds would be on his own to collect his results they would arrange to cover him in the interviews.

Princessdebthe1st · 17/08/2025 17:50

I didn't go with my DD to get her GCSE or A'level results (her choice) but I was at home waiting for her. I booked AL well in advance. It wouldn't have occurred to me for a second not to take leave on that day. I was there to cheer/commiserate/support and help with any decision making. Me taking the time off was how I showed that it was important to me because it was important to her.
Having said that, this is not your responsibility OP it is his Dad's. He dropped the ball in a big way here most especially when your SS is non contact with his mum. It was really very predictable that this would be a time when he would need the presence of his other parent. How is your DH going to solve this?

Zanatdy · 17/08/2025 17:50

tennissquare · 17/08/2025 17:48

I'm sure if your dh told his colleagues that his ds would be on his own to collect his results they would arrange to cover him in the interviews.

100% I’d offer to help in the circumstances if a colleague reached out. He needs to ask.

ACatNamedRobin · 17/08/2025 17:51

I don't understand why posters are holding OP more responsible than the kid's dad, let alone mum.
It's the usual shit hand stepmothers get, not allowed anything nice (like any expectation of respect etc from the SK) but dumped with the work for the SK.

Newtocycling · 17/08/2025 17:52

His dad needs to organise his day to be there.

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