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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I have a meeting on GCSE results day

218 replies

Bertybop · 17/08/2025 16:51

I have a meeting on GCSE results day which means I'm not going to be there when my step son gets his results.

AIBU or is this not a huge deal? I don't remember my parents even coming with me to get mine, I just went in with a friend to collect them.

Some context:

My meeting means I have to be in the office which is an hour and a half from home (I'm usually WFH). I go into the office once a month for a compulsory meeting.

DH is also WFH normally but has just had a promotion which has dramatically increased how many online calls he has to be in and he's interviewing people (online) on GCSE results day as well.

DC's school is 45 minutes from our house (he moved in unexpectedly at the beginning of the year which is why it's so far away) so taking him to get his results is at the very least going to take two hours (to get there and back, collect them/see friends etc).

He's no contact with his mum.

I couldnt take annual leave for that day as I used my last day of leave for his 16th birthday.

I hadn't spoken to DC yet to tell him it'll be my dad (he's retired and he and dc get along really well) taking him to get his results but DH accidentally let it slip in the car yesterday that I had to be in the office that day (wasn't done on purpose, he was just trying to figure out what we were both doing next week). DC then told me afterwards that he was upset that I wasn't going to be there and was very off about it.

I understand he wanted me there but AIBU to think this isn't a huge deal? I won't be there in person but I would've rung him as soon as possible after my meeting. He's going to smash his results, I have no doubts about that at all.

I just literally can't do anything to get out of this meeting but now I'm feeling guilty as hell. When I asked people I work with what their teenagers did they said they just went with mates to get them. And tbh I would've assumed he wanted to go with his girlfriend.

OP posts:
AgentJohnson · 18/08/2025 06:41

I understand he wanted me there but AIBU to think this isn't a huge deal?

If you really believed that, why didn’t you tell him directly? Instead he hears it second hand.

Maybe he’s worried that it isn’t a big deal to you. I’m curious as why you are getting the pushback and not his biological father.

Apologise that he didn’t hear it from you and tell him you are proud of him and you would have loved to have been there in person.

WorldMap24 · 18/08/2025 06:56

If there is nothing you or his dad can do to get out of your work commitments, then that's the way it's got to be. Lots of kids go with friends - my son is going with friends on Thursday through choice (I did offer to go), so I will also be in the office.

Pricelessadvice · 18/08/2025 07:00

Frankly I’d have been mortified if my mum came in with me to collect/open results. It’s a rite of passage with your mates, surely?

Parents seem to want to get involved in everything nowadays!

RampantIvy · 18/08/2025 07:09

doubleornothing · 18/08/2025 05:59

Me and dh have taken the day off work to go with Dd on Thursday, the results are from 9 and we've got to get to the college for 10 to secure her place, (hopefully she'll get the results needed to get in or if not to discuss what options are ), and get her ID /schedule for the start in September.
All of her friends parents are doing the same. There's no way she'd be able to make the appointment going by bus.

Edited

You can tell that most of the posters on here live somewhere with excellent public transport or within walking distance of the school, and who cannot imagine what it is like to live somewhere where buses/underground/trams aren't every 10 minutes.

Like your situation parents are merely required to provide a taxi service (because taxis aren't plentiful either).

ForDaringNavyOP · 18/08/2025 07:26

I think if it’s a big deal to him, then it is, it doesn’t matter what other teenagers may feel.

I’d have a proper talk with him and say you realise how important it is to him and you’re sorry you and DH can’t be there at that specific time, you didn’t want that. However, your dad is really happy to take and support him as he really cares about him. You’ll be on the end of the phone for support if needed but you’re confident he will have done really well.

Then plan a little celebration/meal, whatever he’d like to celebrate his hard work that evening or another day if he wants to bet with friends.

DelafieldDiary · 18/08/2025 07:27

Regardless of our own experiences and thoughts on this, this child is asking for the presence of a parent figure, for whatever reason. So surely it would be important to facilitate this. The dad needs to step up.

Bread121bread · 18/08/2025 07:41

Bertybop · 17/08/2025 17:28

He doesn't need to enrol anywhere after, he's got a traineeship at an apprenticeship place already sorted.

Yes, but have you read the terms and conditions of the traineeship? Only saying this as dsis had a deadline of either accepting or declining by 11am on GCSE day. Has he got something similar?

The emotional support is important to him. It is normal to be nervous about the results. His dad dropped a ball.

Not all children are the same. Raising teenagers is not easy.

SuperTrooper1111 · 18/08/2025 07:41

Some kids hate the thought of parents going, some need the support. My DD is worried about her results and has asked that I'll drive her in and wait in the car outside. Your DSD wants to share it with the step mum who cares because he can't share it with the one person who really should be there for him, his mum. Considering what a bad rap stepparents get on MN, I think it's lovely you mean so much to him.

Drfosters · 18/08/2025 07:44

Pricelessadvice · 18/08/2025 07:00

Frankly I’d have been mortified if my mum came in with me to collect/open results. It’s a rite of passage with your mates, surely?

Parents seem to want to get involved in everything nowadays!

I have found this thread really interesting. Everyone brought their parents when I collected and I didn’t even coordinate the timing with my friends. I turned up, collected and I remember my mum being really really happy and then went out for lunch with them. I have zero recollection of seeing my close friends on that day. Collecting results I see as akin to graduation day, something you do with your family.

Wallywobbles · 18/08/2025 07:45

After the level of indifference my dad showed after the one I did early, I knew not to expect anything for the others. I can still kind of remember it and it was 40 years ago. Didn’t go physically with my kids as here results are online. I don’t really remember and haven’t given it much thought. Our kids haven’t ever said anything either way though.

Thissickbeat · 18/08/2025 07:48

TheSpottedZebra · 17/08/2025 17:01

If it is important enough, his dad should have arranged time off.

Yes. We've know the results day date for a year. I booked it off months ago.

Although I accept some roles can't just take time off, but even so the dad couldhave tried.

Motheranddaughter · 18/08/2025 07:49

It doesn’t matter if other people’s DC go on their own,he wants you there and one of you should definitely go

RampantIvy · 18/08/2025 07:53

Pricelessadvice · 18/08/2025 07:00

Frankly I’d have been mortified if my mum came in with me to collect/open results. It’s a rite of passage with your mates, surely?

Parents seem to want to get involved in everything nowadays!

But the OP's stepchild isn't you. Can you not see that?

In my day all results were posted to us (1975).

SeptaUnellasBell · 18/08/2025 08:18

Pricelessadvice · 18/08/2025 07:00

Frankly I’d have been mortified if my mum came in with me to collect/open results. It’s a rite of passage with your mates, surely?

Parents seem to want to get involved in everything nowadays!

How did you miss the part where she clearly states he wanted them there and was disappointed when he learned they wouldn’t be?

PluckyChancer · 18/08/2025 08:18

He’s got his granddad with him so surely that’s enough? I think a lot of kids anxieties partly stem from over anxious parenting so play it cool and show him it’s not that big a deal. Will granddad take him somewhere nice for a coffee afterwards?

I’ve no idea when our kids get their junior cycle results (GCSE equivalent) but it’s not until late September when they’re back in school, so no big deal.

DelafieldDiary · 18/08/2025 08:23

SeptaUnellasBell · 18/08/2025 08:18

How did you miss the part where she clearly states he wanted them there and was disappointed when he learned they wouldn’t be?

Show quote history

Some people really don’t read posts and they just write reactive comments.

The bottom line is that this child, for whatever reason, wants a parental figure there. And the right thing would be to accommodate this. And that needs to be his father.

Metoo22222 · 18/08/2025 08:32

My kids retorts were emailed to them around 8am? Not Covid about 2yrs ago

GeminiGiggles · 18/08/2025 08:40

I don't really think it's about the results for him it's about being supported and blindsided about it not being there. Not that is your fault it happens but I think not communicating that to him at the earliest opportunity and just dropping it in conversation has probably made him feel worse about it.

Just have a chat with him, validate his feelings over this, after all it's a massive compliment that a teenager wants to spend time with their parent! and if need be apologise for not realising how important it was to him one of you would be there.

My mother went no contact with me in my 20s and that was hard, even now 10yrs+ on its hard. I can't imagine it at 16. Regardless of how 'bad' the parent is it still makes you completely question your own self worth and you cling to any support you can find like a life ring.

Theroadt · 18/08/2025 08:52

Bertybop · 17/08/2025 16:51

I have a meeting on GCSE results day which means I'm not going to be there when my step son gets his results.

AIBU or is this not a huge deal? I don't remember my parents even coming with me to get mine, I just went in with a friend to collect them.

Some context:

My meeting means I have to be in the office which is an hour and a half from home (I'm usually WFH). I go into the office once a month for a compulsory meeting.

DH is also WFH normally but has just had a promotion which has dramatically increased how many online calls he has to be in and he's interviewing people (online) on GCSE results day as well.

DC's school is 45 minutes from our house (he moved in unexpectedly at the beginning of the year which is why it's so far away) so taking him to get his results is at the very least going to take two hours (to get there and back, collect them/see friends etc).

He's no contact with his mum.

I couldnt take annual leave for that day as I used my last day of leave for his 16th birthday.

I hadn't spoken to DC yet to tell him it'll be my dad (he's retired and he and dc get along really well) taking him to get his results but DH accidentally let it slip in the car yesterday that I had to be in the office that day (wasn't done on purpose, he was just trying to figure out what we were both doing next week). DC then told me afterwards that he was upset that I wasn't going to be there and was very off about it.

I understand he wanted me there but AIBU to think this isn't a huge deal? I won't be there in person but I would've rung him as soon as possible after my meeting. He's going to smash his results, I have no doubts about that at all.

I just literally can't do anything to get out of this meeting but now I'm feeling guilty as hell. When I asked people I work with what their teenagers did they said they just went with mates to get them. And tbh I would've assumed he wanted to go with his girlfriend.

One of you needs to be there. I’m pretty gobsmacked you are not, frankly

Theroadt · 18/08/2025 08:54

PluckyChancer · 18/08/2025 08:18

He’s got his granddad with him so surely that’s enough? I think a lot of kids anxieties partly stem from over anxious parenting so play it cool and show him it’s not that big a deal. Will granddad take him somewhere nice for a coffee afterwards?

I’ve no idea when our kids get their junior cycle results (GCSE equivalent) but it’s not until late September when they’re back in school, so no big deal.

GCSEs are a big deal, if you want to continue academic studies. Fair enough if not academic. No way would I miss my son’s - last year took unpaid leave on results day

Theroadt · 18/08/2025 08:55

Motheranddaughter · 18/08/2025 07:49

It doesn’t matter if other people’s DC go on their own,he wants you there and one of you should definitely go

Exactly this.

madaboutpurple · 18/08/2025 08:55

Surely he will want to go and celebrate with his friends. I would imagine you will make sure he has enough money for lunch and a beer or two .Parents did not go along when I did my exams .You could celebrate all together in the evening.It is a difficult issue if he wants a parent with him.

Asuitablecat · 18/08/2025 09:04

Parents didn't come back in the 90s..gcse or a level.

I see a range. Fewer parents at A level. Possibly more at gcse if kids are unsure what to do.

Next year will be the first year I haven't been in to my own school for results day, because I'll probably go in with ds. Having said that, he probably won't want me! If he told me he wanted someone though, I'd go.

doubleornothing · 18/08/2025 09:39

Metoo22222 · 18/08/2025 08:32

My kids retorts were emailed to them around 8am? Not Covid about 2yrs ago

Dd's school have said they can make arrangements to email/send the results if the child cant make it but that had to be arranged a whole ago before they finished for the summer. Its always been this way and for the high schools around here as well.
Didn't realise some places emailed results.

Swiftie1878 · 18/08/2025 09:40

This is a huge deal for him - he’ll remember the day forever.

ONE of you needs to step up and be there with him. You or your DP. NOT your dad.