I have a meeting on GCSE results day

[Bertybop]

I have a meeting on GCSE results day which means I'm not going to be there when my step son gets his results.

AIBU or is this not a huge deal? I don't remember my parents even coming with me to get mine, I just went in with a friend to collect them.

Some context:

My meeting means I have to be in the office which is an hour and a half from home (I'm usually WFH). I go into the office once a month for a compulsory meeting.

DH is also WFH normally but has just had a promotion which has dramatically increased how many online calls he has to be in and he's interviewing people (online) on GCSE results day as well.

DC's school is 45 minutes from our house (he moved in unexpectedly at the beginning of the year which is why it's so far away) so taking him to get his results is at the very least going to take two hours (to get there and back, collect them/see friends etc).

He's no contact with his mum.

I couldnt take annual leave for that day as I used my last day of leave for his 16th birthday.

I hadn't spoken to DC yet to tell him it'll be my dad (he's retired and he and dc get along really well) taking him to get his results but DH accidentally let it slip in the car yesterday that I had to be in the office that day (wasn't done on purpose, he was just trying to figure out what we were both doing next week). DC then told me afterwards that he was upset that I wasn't going to be there and was very off about it.

I understand he wanted me there but AIBU to think this isn't a huge deal? I won't be there in person but I would've rung him as soon as possible after my meeting. He's going to smash his results, I have no doubts about that at all.

I just literally can't do anything to get out of this meeting but now I'm feeling guilty as hell. When I asked people I work with what their teenagers did they said they just went with mates to get them. And tbh I would've assumed he wanted to go with his girlfriend.

Do parents really go in with their kids for GCSE results? My DS (first born) is getting his results this thursday and I am planning to go into work. Plan is for him to call me with his results and if he needs me for any reason, my work is flexible enough for me to ask to leave or book time off. Otherwise, if all is OK then I assume he will go out with his friends.
Ironically, DH is a 6th form teacher and has to go into work to speak to and guide new recruits on that day and absolutely cannot book the day off.

OP, I think your DH needs to be at least available for the day.

I didn’t know parents didn’t go in! My family were there for gcse, a-level and graduation. Didn’t occur to me that parents don’t attend. Both my DH and I have had day booked off since the start of the year.

What time is your meeting ? Can you face time before it yo see him open envelope ?

I think it's rather nice that your step son wanted you there /nearby

My DS had his GCSEs last year - his plan was to go and get them wi to friends , nearer the day he wanted us to give him a lift - I arranged with work that I would be in by 09:30 (1 hr later than noths l) sone could take him with DH - we dropped him off as requested, waited in car and then about 15 mins later he returned with his open results - it was a lovely moment - he had done badly at mocks but aced t he actual exams , I was dropped at work and DS and DH went for a lovely breakfast

Well it shouldn't be life changing. By 16 they should be able to navigate this on their own.

I'd be more worried about a youngster who is likely to do badly to be honest as there are conversations to be had and potentially paths to navigate quite quickly all whilst they are feeling deflated. That is likely, at 16, to need a bit of guidance.

But if its likely to be "way hey, I've nailed what I need" then a celebration or two later in the day after a call to you and Dad and a mini celebration with his mates is perfectly natural. In fact, I'll put money on it that once they know they've nailed it they don't want you there anyway!

Good luck to him!

Really GCSE's don't matter at all in the reality of life, no one has ever asked to see them or cared what I got. People straight up lie about them on CVs and its never checked, they usually only care about big job related things like degrees and licenses.

They do matter these days. They lead on to the next step. DD needed good grades to do the A levels she wanted, and need a good grade in her maths GCSE for the degree she took. Many employers do check.

Maybe they don't matter if you have low aspirations or are old like me (I am so old I did O levels).

GCSE's do matter. I never passed maths, have never been asked for my certificates for any jobs and I'm 50. I've even worked in accounts departments and paid my mortgage off so I'm pretty savvy.

However these days apparently they do ask for GCSE passes in maths and English.

@Bertybop
Why aren't you gobsmacked that the Skid's actual parent(s) - in this case, the dad - isn't there?

Not even occurred to me to be here when DS gets his. I dont think its even entered his mind as I asked him if he was going with pals to get them, he said yes, end of chat really except me saying if i can pop out of work to drop him off to enrol at college I will. He was more concerned with checking id still let him have a beer in the evening!

I think it would be a bit odd for a parent to go, round here it would be social death anyway I think he'd prefer his pants to fall down 🤣

GCSEs can be re-sat, and not being there won't change the results. Dont feel guilty op, bluntly, this is for Dad to sort out if his DS is actually upset about this.

You can think this is as small a deal as you like - the only thing that matters is that it is a big deal to him.

When we picked up DS's GCSE results everyone was there with their parents.

Poor kid, he's already no contact with his mum and now he clearly really needs to feel loved and supported and everyone's too busy with work. Someone needs to start making him feel like a priority.

Unfortunately it doesn't sound like op or DH can change things with their work. At 16, he should be more than old enough to understand this is just one of those unavoidable things and it doesn't mean hes not a priority in any way. He has someone representing the family with him.

No need for you to be physically there. The results are set, not like they will change based n whether you’re there or not. I mean to flunk them nowadays you literally have to be illiterate, close to everybody gets a passing grade.

Sometimes work is non negotiable. It doesn’t mean the parents don’t care.

My daughter has insisted I go, I was really surprised as I’d have hated my parents to be there when I got mine, but apparently it’s a thing now. I’ve taken the morning off as it’s really important to her that I’m there. I’m clinical NHS and my kids have to suck that up most of the time for sports days etc, but this is a huge deal to them. If you can’t go, you can’t go, but try and understand his feelings, sounds like most people will have their parents there.

Only maths and English easily.

Not true for some jobs - teaching being the most obvious. You are required to declare (and prove) your results all through your career.

I asked my 6th form teacher DH again last night about whether one of us needs to go with DS but he says in his experience of being a 6th form teacher for the past few years (before that a secondary teacher), pupils that come with their parents are very much in the minority. Probably depends on the area/school etc though. But it's good to have at least one of you available in case of not reaching the required grade and needing to register for an alternative subject and they need your guidance. There will be teachers there to guide them but sometimes you know your own kid better and what suits them best.

I never got my result, I went on the day and got a little printed piece of paper from the school that said what I got (which promptly got lost) but I left home at the same time. They where suppose to post out the official results pack and I had already moved, never got the.

While I'm not a teacher I can say I have made it nearly 25 years without anyone needing to see it which is good because I have zero way to prove it and only my memory to remember what that sheet of paper even said I got.

Apart from being verbally asked if I got a 'C or above' in Maths a few times, no one has ever asked to see proof of my GCSEs. Same for friends and DH and the people who asked if I got a C or above where college (I have been to do tonnes of college course over the years, they are the only ones who ask but never had to PROVE it).

I have 2 degrees (uni never asked for GCSE proof) so that clearly well tops GCSE (and I wouldn't say it is a 'lack of ambition' in life).

Agreed - I have just been asked to send in various proofs of attainment from almost forty years ago as having a slight change of role as approaching retirement even though entry requirements for my professional course have always included maths and English at GCSE equivalent and a tight range of A levels.
I took my DC's to the school but parents were not allowed through the door for results but could meet DC in a classroom if adjustments for September were needed.